The True Nature of Codependency I Realized After Thinking 'This Person Would Be Lost Without Me'

Hello.
I am Moomin, a Life Re-creation Navigator.

Today, I would like to share the story of a woman I met through a fortune-telling session.
Perhaps the protagonist of this story is you.

'I have to support them' became my life

She had lived a life of always supporting someone.

She grew up walking on eggshells around her parents,
trying not to get scolded,
trying not to be disliked,
and trying not to be a burden.

She tried her very best.

In truth, she was lonely.
In truth, she was sad.
In truth, she was suffering.

However, she was not allowed to feel those emotions.

So, before she knew it,

prioritizing 'the other person's feelings' over 'her own feelings' became the norm

for her.

It was the same after she became an adult and got married.

My husband is in trouble.
My husband is suffering.
My husband is becoming unstable.

So I have to support him.
I have to do my best.
I have to do something about it.

That is what she thought.

Before I knew it, my own life was gone

One day, she suddenly realized:

'I haven't been thinking about myself at all.'

Even when she woke up, it was about her husband.
Even at work, it was about her husband.
Even when she got home, it was about her husband.
Even before going to sleep, it was about her husband.

Before she knew it, she had beenliving someone else's lifeall day long.
And strangely enough,the harder she tried for the other person, the more she suffered.

I feel frustrated even though I'm trying to be kind.
I feel exhausted even though I'm trying to help.
I feel resentment even though I'm trying to support them.

I hated myself for feeling that way.

"What a narrow-minded person I am."

That is how I kept blaming myself.

It was actually fear, not love

One day, she realized something shocking.

It was that,

"Maybe I didn't want to help my husband, I was just afraid of abandoning him."

That was it.

I'm afraid of my husband falling apart.
I'm afraid of my husband hating me.
I'm afraid of being seen as someone who abandoned my husband.
I'm afraid of being blamed by those around me.

And above all,

I was afraid of being the bad guy.
That's why I kept helping.
That's why I kept enduring.
That's why I couldn't leave.

It was not love, but actions born from fear.

The true terror of codependency

Codependency is not just a problem for the person who is dependent on others.
The person supporting them is also dependent.

I feel anxious when the other person's problems disappear.
I feel lonely when I am no longer the person worrying about them.
Solving the other person's problems has become my sense of self-worth.

That's why I can't leave.
That's why it's painful.
That's why I can't change.

In reality, while it seems like you are dependent on the other person, you are actually dependent on "the version of yourself that is needed".

The one realization that changed my life

She began to realize it little by little.

My husband's life is his own.
My life is my own.
I am not responsible for my husband's life.
I am allowed to make myself happy.

She said it was scary at first.
She also felt guilty.

Is this really okay?
Won't this be abandoning him?
Am I being a cold-hearted person?
She struggled with these thoughts many times.

But little by little, she began to acknowledge her true feelings.

I was tired.
I was actually suffering.
I actually wanted help.

When she acknowledged those true feelings, she said her heart felt a little lighter.

From Codependency to Independence

Life is mysterious.
The more you try to change the other person, the more painful it becomes.

But when you start to reclaim yourself, the world begins to change little by little.

You stop trying to control the other person.
You stop carrying more than you need to.
You start living your own life.

Then,

Space is created in your heart.
A sense of security is born.

And,

What do I want to do?

That question is finally heard for the first time.

Could it be that you too...

・Your day is determined by your husband's mood
・You are always thinking about family problems
・You always put yourself last
・Enduring is just normal for you
・You can't leave even though you want to
・You feel anxious when the other person isn't there

If even one of these applies to you, it is not your fault.
It may be that you had no choice but to live that way until now.

However,You can restart your life at any time.
Before changing the other person, you can reclaim yourself.

How do I want to live?

From that question,your life reboot begins.

If you are currently at a crossroads in your life,
please do not carry the burden alone.

Why not start by listening to the voice of your own heart?
Life is not meant to be lived solely for the sake of someone else.

You are allowed to live to make yourself smile.

'I might be codependent too...'
'Why do I always prioritize others?'
'I don't know my own true feelings.'

For those who feel this way,I offer a 'Life Reboot Reading'.I provide this service.

By deciphering your essence and life challenges from your date of birth,'how to live your life from here on out'we will organize together.
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