The 'Real Reason' I Couldn't Speak English as a Beginner in My 40s

I'm Hisae, a coach who supports people starting their English conversation journey.
I started learning English at 45 and have been studying on my own for seven full years.

When I first started learning English, I was confronted with a reality.

It was the fact that, more than just 'not being able to speak English,' I was 'unable to express my own opinions.'

Today, I would like to share with you about that 'empty self I discovered through English conversation.'
I will also introduce some simple tips for beginners to express their opinions.

From childhood to adulthood

Since I was a child, I was never good at expressing my feelings.
My father was a very strict man from Kyushu, and if I talked back even a little, he would scold me, saying, 'Is that how you talk to your parent?'

Sometimes he would get physical, and before I knew it, I had become accustomed to swallowing my own opinions.

Furthermore, our family was never wealthy, and because I felt strongly that I 'must not cause trouble for my parents,' I always spent my time gauging the moods of those around me.

I prioritized not making waves over thinking about 'what I want to do' or 'what I want to become.'

After the summer break of my third year in high school, my grades unexpectedly improved, and I was allowed to go to a national university instead of a local junior college.

However, I didn't have a specific goal of 'what I wanted to learn,' so I didn't apply myself to my studies at university and just spent my time 'getting by' until graduation.

Even after becoming an adult, I never expressed my own opinions, and even after marriage, I couldn't say what I wanted to my husband, living a life of constant endurance.

The first wall English conversation beginners hit

That was when I encountered English conversation.
In the early lessons, we started with familiar questions like 'What are your hobbies?' or 'What is your favorite food?'

However, once I got a little used to it, instead of just answering, I started being asked for reasons,such as 'Why do you like that?' or 'Why do you think that way?'

That was when I hit my first wall.

I realized I was always worrying about 'what the other person is thinking' or 'what the correct answer is,' and in the end, I couldn't put my own feelings or opinions into words.

What I painfully realized then was thatI couldn't even state a reason.

Why do I like apples?---
Simple reasons like 'because the red color is beautiful' or 'because they are sweet and delicious' would have been enough, but I was searching for 'what the correct answer is,' and the words wouldn't come out.

You might think that is such a simple thing.
But at the time, I couldn't even do that.

The next wall

As the lessons progressed, the topics expanded even further.
I began to be asked for my opinion on things beyond everyday events, such as social news and environmental issues, with questions like, 'What do you think?'

However, I realized that before even being unable to answer, I had never even thought about these things in the first place.

I couldn't break the habit of searching for the 'correct' answer, so my mind was always a blank slate.
It wasn't that I couldn't speak English; it was that the opinions themselves didn't exist within me.

Awareness and Learning

I believe this is influenced not only by my home environment but also by the school education system.
In my day, teachers were absolute, and classes were one-sided.

I rarely had the experience of being asked, 'What do you think?', and there was an atmosphere where having an opinion different from others made you stand out.

In this way, I grew up in an environment where I could get by without having my own opinions.
I don't think that was necessarily bad; in fact, I've come to think that perhaps that is partly why Japan has remained peaceful.

But when I was finally asked for my own thoughts, being unable to say anything was very painful.

That is why I now feel that it is important to be able to say 'this is what I think,' even about small things.

From Small Steps

Having an opinion is by no means difficult.

If you like apples, saying 'because the red color is pretty' or 'because they are sweet' is enough.
It is important to start by putting your feelings into words, starting with small things.

Even with big themes like social issues, it's fine to start simple.
First, state whether you are 'for or against,' and then add just one or two reasons.
'Because it's good for the environment' or 'because it saves money'—that is enough.

At first, it's reassuring to have a template in your mind.
For example, in English, a simple form like this is fine.

• I like apples because they’re sweet.

• I don’t like apples because they’re not sweet.

• I think it’s good because it’s good for the environment.

• I don’t think it’s good because it’s bad for the environment.

Summary: Tips for Expressing Opinions

• Practice with small things: Build a habit of expressing opinions on familiar topics like food or daily life

• Clearly state your position first: Start by answering in a single word, such as 'agree,' 'disagree,' 'like,' or 'dislike'

• Keep the reason short and simple: To start, things like 'because it's good for the environment' or 'because it saves money' are enough.

In conclusion

What I realized through learning English conversation is that I was 'empty'.

However, by building up small opinions from there, I was able to gradually regain 'my own voice'.

If there is anyone reading this who feels like they 'don't have any opinions,' it's okay.
Even just saying one thing like 'I like apples because they are a beautiful red color' or 'because they are sweet and delicious' is a perfectly valid opinion.

If you practice little by little from there, you will definitely be able to express yourself.

And above all, I don't think I would have had the opportunity to think about myself like this if I hadn't started learning English conversation.
Now, I find it very enjoyable to be able to put my feelings into words.

Why don't you try finding your own voice through English conversation as well?

Thank you for reading until the end.

In this note, based on my experience of starting English conversation in my 40s,
I share tips that help beginners continue learning with peace of mind.

I have also compiled other articles useful for learning English conversation below👇

'I want to try it, but I don't know where to start.'
I would be happy if I could support the first step for those people🌸