That's Fine—I Don't Recall Ever Raising My Daughter All By Myself

What does it mean to raise a child?

“It’s best for a mother to raise her own children.”
I have a colleague who quit her job after being told that.

“We had my grandmother look after ours, so it was cheap and easy.”
I once had a hairdresser laugh and say that while cutting my hair.

“It’s a common thing to be told that it’s sad to put your child in daycare so early, right?”
I’ve had lively conversations about things like that with other working mothers.

Is raising a child while working not considered parenting?

“Let’s raise children as a community.”

“Let’s raise children together.”

Even though people say that,
why is it that a certain number of them frown the moment a mother works?

In the first place, what is raising a child?

Is it being by their side twenty-four-seven?
Is it giving them your full attention?
Or is it raising them without borrowing the strength of anyone else?

If that were the case, I would have been disqualified as a parent a long time ago.

My daughter learned potty training at daycare,
her elementary school teacher taught her math,
she learned how to interact with others through fights with friends,
she was spoiled by her grandparents,
encouraged by books,
learned the joy of being obsessed with things from TV and manga,
and grew up while having her spare time filled by video apps.

I don't recall ever raising her all by myself.

And that is precisely why my daughter,
with actions I could never have predicted,
is seizing her life in her own way.

Seeing a lot,
hearing a lot,
laughing a lot,
feeling lonely a lot,
relying on others a lot,
and acting tough a lot.

I believe she grew up this far precisely because she was supported by so many people and things.

“Now, at this moment,
it’s a time when children can absorb so much,
so let them experience many different things.”

Every time I hear words like that, I think:

Among those “many different things,”
why shouldn't daycare,
grandmothers,
books,
manga,
and video apps
all be included?

It’s not just the mother who raises the child;
the family raises them, teachers raise them, friends raise them, and books and stories raise them.

And above all, children grow up on their own.

I was doing my best with child-rearing.
I was doing my best just to get through each day safely.
I was just desperate, constantly on edge to make sure my child didn't lack for anything.

For someone like me,

"That's fine"

there weren't many people who would say that to me.

That is precisely why I think this.

People who are right in the middle of raising children now
are surely hurt by similar words,
worry about similar things,
and yet, they love their children just the same.

When running while carrying the nap futon to daycare,
when writing names on the "math set" before school starts until your hands are worn out,
when washing mud-covered gym clothes,
when deep-frying a mountain of karaage,
when tucking the blanket back over them after they've kicked it off.

I think you should be proud that all of that is "child-rearing."

Raising a child is not something a mother should shoulder alone. It is about watching over them so they can encounter the world with peace of mind, while being helped by many people and things.

And it is about the child themselves growing up through their own strength.

Even now, I don't know the "correct answer" to raising a child.

But at the very least, it wasn't just me who raised my daughter to this point.

And I am glad that it was that way.

I am participating in the Creative Awards!