[Grandpa's Grumbling] What is the appropriate term for a spouse in the era of gender equality?

(Grandchild) Grandpa, do you call Grandma 'Okusan' (wife/ma'am)?

(Grandpa) What's wrong?

(Grandchild) Someone on YouTube said, 'This is my Okusan,' so I wondered what you call her, Grandpa.

(Grandpa) I use 'Tsuma' (wife). I even consciously make sure to write 'Tsuma' on Note.

(Grandchild) Why?

(Grandpa) In English, it's simple with 'Husband' and 'Wife,' but Japanese has many words for 'Wife.' But Mr. Nagashima of the Giants was ahead of his time; even though he was a Showa-era man, he used the word 'Wife,' so he was quite visionary!

(Grandchild) Mr. Nagashima? I don't know him.

(Grandpa) Sorry, sorry, you're right. You see, since I post on Note about SDGs, gender equality, and being tolerant of diversity, I'm training myself to consciously use 'Tsuma' consistently.

(Grandchild) Grandpa's talk is getting difficult again, so never mind.

(Grandpa) Don't say that! 😅

In English, there is no confusion about words for a married couple, as 'My Wife' suffices, but in Japanese, the words for the female partner in a marriage are diverse, including 'Tsuma,' 'Yome,' 'Okusan,' 'Nyobo,' 'Kanai,' and 'Kamisan'.

You don't write 'Yome' on legal documents. In the relationship field, you write 'Tsuma'.

As seen in words using 'Tsuma' like 'Setsusai' (my humble wife), 'Gusai' (my foolish wife), 'Ryosaikenbo' (good wife and wise mother), 'Kyosaika' (henpecked husband), and 'Aisaika' (devoted husband), 'Tsuma' is the standard term for a husband to introduce his spouse.

By the way, the 'Differences and usage of Tsuma, Yome, Okusan, Nyobo, Kanai, and Kamisan' guide on all-guide.com had this explanation.

Yome refers to a son's spouse. It is a term used by a husband's parents for the woman who married into the family.

However, it has long been used to refer to a newly married woman or one's own spouse, and while not necessarily preferred, calling one's wife 'Yome' is not necessarily incorrect.
However, 'Tsuma' is the correct antonym for 'husband,' while 'Yome' is the antonym for 'muko' (son-in-law).

Okusan is a casual way of saying 'Okusama,' which is a respectful term for someone else's wife, and it contains a light sense of respect.

Since it is an honorific for someone else's wife, it is incorrect to use it for one's own wife, such as saying 'my Okusan.'
Because there was no honorific for one's own wife, some say it is correct to use 'Okusan' or 'Okusama,' but one should not use honorifics when speaking to others about one's own wife.

Nyobo is a term used when referring to one's own wife to someone of equal status or a close acquaintance, or when discussing the spouse of a close person.

Even with close people, it is not used when speaking directly to them, but only when referring to a third party not in the conversation. Also, one does not call one's own wife 'Nyobo' when the listener is a superior.

Originally, 'Nyobo' referred to the room of a female servant in the imperial court.
From there, it came to refer to the female servant herself, and then to one's own wife; because it carries the nuance of a 'caretaker,' it is a term that is not preferred in modern times.

Kanai is a word used to refer to one's own wife with a bit of humility when speaking to a superior or someone not very close. Because 'Kanai' means 'person inside the house,' it was acceptable in an era when men worked outside and women were expected to be housewives, but it is not very suitable in modern times.

"Kamisan" is a term used to refer to one's own wife or someone else's wife.

Since it is a somewhat casual way of speaking, it can be used when the person you are talking to is a close acquaintance, but it cannot be used with superiors.
Originally, it is a word derived from "Kamisama" (a term for a superior), and it came to be used to call the wives of merchants and craftsmen, or female proprietors, "Okamisan," and then dropping the "O" to become "Kamisan."
Therefore, "Kamisan" can be an expression that hints at a "henpecked husband" or being "under the thumb," but in reality, it is often used as a joke.

It's just a term, but it's also more than just a term; in today's era of gender equality, everyone, you should be careful about using terms like "Kanai" (my wife/housewife) or "Nyobo" (my wife).

(Grandpa) Mama~, is lunch not ready yet?

(Grandma) I am not your mother!

(Grandpa) I got scolded by Grandma.

(Grandchild) Grandma is not your grandmother.

(Grandpa) I am very sorry 😊

Thank you for reading until the end.

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▼ This article is based on a lecture by the founder of Saizeriya that I heard over 20 years ago.

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