Reclaiming Human Instincts in an Age of Loneliness
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Article Summary
Reading time: approx. 8 minutes
What you will learn in this article:
- The reality of the rapid increase in lonely deaths and single-person households in Japan
- The impact of having family on life satisfaction and health
- The real reasons young people are giving up on marriage and childbirth
- The emotional richness gained from having children
- The meaning of the human instinct to "pass on life"
Recommended for:
Those hesitant about marriage or childbirth / Those feeling lonely / Those wanting to think about the meaning of life
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I share real-life stories of dual-income couples, money matters, and human relationships. Let's think together about a "society that is easier to live in."
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One day, I suddenly noticed the atmosphere of an "age of loneliness"
It happened at night, after I had put my daughter to sleep and was watching TV idly with my wife in the living room.
The news was reporting on the lonely death of an elderly man discovered in an apartment in Tokyo. He had been dead for two weeks. Neighbors hadn't noticed, and it was only discovered due to the foul odor.
"To die alone, without anyone to watch over you, without anyone noticing."
That fact struck me strangely deep in my chest.
I suddenly imagined what would have happened if I were single. A room with no one there when I returned from work. Nights with no one to talk to. Weekends spent alone.
And if I were to collapse, who would notice?
My wife murmured, "That's scary," beside me. I replied, "Yeah," while unconsciously looking toward my daughter's bedroom.
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Loneliness is no longer something special.
Right now, the number of "people living alone" is increasing at an incredible rate in Japan.
And waiting ahead of that is a "lonely death" with no one to watch over you.
In this article, while incorporating data and my own experiences,I want to rethink the meaning of "having a family" and "passing on life"once more.
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The reality of Japan's "loneliness" as told by data
First, let's look at some shocking numbers.
💡 [Figure 1] Trend graph of single-person households
According to the 2020 national census, single-person households accounted for 38% of all households, and this is expected to reach 44.3% by 2050.
In other words,2 out of every 5 households will be living alone.
And even more shocking is the reality of lonely deaths.
In 2024, 76,020 people died alone at home. Of those, 58,044, or 76.4%, were elderly people aged 65 or older.
Furthermore, the number of "isolated deaths," where the body was discovered 8 days or more after death and the person was considered socially isolated, reached 21,856.
About 60 people die every day without anyone to watch over them.
When I saw this number, a chill ran down my spine.
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💡 [Figure 2] Data on lonely deaths by age and gender
The gender ratio for lonely deaths is overwhelmingly male, at 83.3% men and 16.7% women. The average age at death is 61-62 for both men and women, which is more than 20 years earlier than the average life expectancy.
Even more noteworthy is the fact that the working-age population under 60 accounts for about 40%.
Lonely death is no longer just a problem for the elderly.
Many people in their prime working years—their 30s, 40s, and 50s—also lose their lives alone every year.
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People with family vs. people without—the difference is greater than you imagine
Here, I want to share a little of my own experience.
When I was in my 20s working at a regional bank, I was single and living alone.
One winter night, I was struck by a sudden fever and severe abdominal pain. I couldn't move. Even going to the bathroom was a struggle.
"What if I lose consciousness like this..."
When I thought that, I became scared from the bottom of my heart.
No one would notice. No one would come to help.
In the end, I endured until morning and went to the hospital, but I still can't forget the "fear of potentially dying alone" from that time.
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The meaning of having a family.
It is the peace of mind that "someone cares about me."
Now that I live with my wife and daughter, I have someone to say "I'm home" to every day.
I have a daughter who runs up to me saying, "Daddy, welcome home!"
I have a wife who says, "Thank you for your hard work."
How precious this daily life is.
Now that I have experienced living alone, I understand it painfully well.
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💡 I want you to think about this for a moment.
If you were to suddenly collapse today.
Who would notice?
If you have a family, they would notice that "you didn't come home at the usual time" or "there is no reply."
But if you live alone, are off work, and haven't been in touch with friends?
Who would notice?
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Reasons why young people give up on marriage and childbirth
Now, I want to change the perspective here.
In the background of the increase in lonely deaths is the reality that "the number of people who don't have families in the first place is increasing."
Not getting married. Not having children.
That choice is by no means bad. But many young people are "giving up."
💡 [Figure 3] Data on marriage rates and desire for marriage
According to the latest survey by the National Institute of Population and Social Security Research, over 80% of unmarried people aged 18-34, both men and women, think they "intend to marry eventually."
In other words,most young people want to get married.
However, as reasons for being single, about 40% of both men and women answered "I haven't met a suitable partner," and about 20% answered "I'm not good at interacting with the opposite sex."
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When I was a regional bank employee, I had many single colleagues around me.
They definitely didn't "not want to get married."
Rather, they said, "I want to get married someday."
But, chased by daily work, with no place to meet people, before they knew it, they were in their mid-30s.
"I guess this is it..."
I heard words like that, resembling resignation, many times.
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The structure of society is robbing young people of the "opportunity to have a family."
Long working hours, economic anxiety, fewer places to meet people...
They can't get married even if they want to. They can't have children even if they want to.
The result of that is the ever-increasing number of single-person households and lonely deaths.
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💡 How do you feel about this?
Whether you think "marriage is a hassle," or
you are vaguely thinking "someday..."
I want you to know this reality and feel something.
In the second half of this article, I will talk about the "meaning of having children," incorporating my own experiences.
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Having children—the emotional richness taught by instinct
I have a 7-year-old daughter.
My daughter was born in August 2018.
To be honest, when I had a child, I only felt anxiety.
"Can I even raise a child?"
"Can we make it financially?"
"Won't I lose my free time?"
While carrying such anxieties, I welcomed my daughter.
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But the moment my daughter was born, the world changed.
Small hands. A weak cry.
"I must protect this child."
The moment I thought that, tears overflowed.
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Seven years since then.
Watching my daughter grow, I learned the "meaning of living."
The day she first walked. The day she first called me Daddy.
The day she entered elementary school, made friends, and was able to do a back hip circle in gymnastics class.
Each one of those is an irreplaceable treasure.
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Having children means "entrusting hope to the future."
It's not just my own life.
My daughter's life, and the lives of grandchildren and great-grandchildren beyond that.
Life is passed on.
That is an activity that humans have continued for tens of thousands of years.
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Of course, raising children is hard.
It costs money. It takes time.
But there is something to be gained that is many times, many tens of times greater.
The feeling of "living for someone else."
That is a deep sense of happiness that I could never have tasted when I was living alone.
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💡 [Figure 4] Data on happiness of households raising children
According to a BIGLOBE survey, about 90% of parents with children (preschoolers to high school students) answered that "happiness increased because of having children."
Raising children is hard. But there is a sense of happiness that exceeds that hardship.
That is not data, but something I am experiencing myself.
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Humans are creatures that want to pass on life.
Now, having read this far, some might think:
"But isn't a life without children also happy?"
That is true.
I have no intention whatsoever of denying those who choose not to have children.
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However, what I want to say is that human beings are instinctively wired to want to "pass on life."Tens of thousands of years ago, our human ancestors formed groups called families to survive in harsh natural environments.
Giving birth to children, raising them, and passing life on to the next generation.
That was the instinct for survival as a species.
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Modern society is structured in a way that makes it difficult to satisfy that instinct.
Economic anxiety, lack of time, fewer opportunities to meet people...
But precisely because of that, isn't now the time to
reclaim our instincts as humans?-----
Lonely deaths are increasing.
Single-person households are increasing.
People who cannot get married are increasing.
This reality is by no means an "individual problem."
It is because society as a whole is moving in a direction that goes against human instinct.-----
But there is hope.
It is not too late for us.
For those who want to have a family, provide the opportunity.
For those who want to have children, provide the environment.
And for those who already have a family, provide the leeway to cherish that time.
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Passing on life.That is the most noble endeavor humans have continued for tens of thousands of years.
I am convinced of this as I hold my daughter's hand.
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List of Potential Sources
Data Sources
1. Trends in Single-Person Households
National Institute of Population and Social Security Research, "Future Projections of the Number of Households in Japan (National Projections) (2024 Projections)" (2024)
<https://www.ipss.go.jp/pp-ajsetai/j/HPRJ2024/hprj2024_gaiyo_20240412.pdf>
2. Statistics on Lonely Deaths
- National Police Agency, "Status of Handling of Bodies in 2024" (April 2025)
<https://www.npa.go.jp/news/release/2024/20240821001.html>
- Japan Small Amount and Short Term Insurance Association, Lonely Death Countermeasures Committee, "9th Lonely Death Status Report" (December 2024)
<https://www.shougakutanki.jp/general/info/kodokushi/news/kodokusiReport_9th.pdf>
3. Desire for Marriage and Reality
- National Institute of Population and Social Security Research, "16th Basic Survey on Birth Trends" (2021)
<https://www.ipss.go.jp/ps-doukou/j/doukou15/gaiyou15html/NFS15G_html02.html>
- Marriage Consultation Agency Marry Me Press Release (October 2025)
<https://www.newsweekjapan.jp/press-release/2025/10/702024-2.php>
4. Happiness of Child-Rearing Households
BIGLOBE, "Survey on Awareness of Child-Rearing" (January 2024)
<https://www.biglobe.co.jp/pressroom/info/2024/03/240327-1>
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Conclusion (Summary)
To you, who read this article.
Loneliness is no longer someone else's problem.
Single-person households continue to increase, and there are over 70,000 lonely deaths per year.
However, the background to this is not a choice of "not wanting to marry" or "not wanting to have children," but the reality thatthe structure of society is depriving young people of the opportunity to have a family.As a father of a 7-year-old daughter, I truly believe this.
The sense of happiness gained from having children is irreplaceable.
It goes beyond one's own life and satisfies the human instinct to "pass on life."-----
Of course, I do not think everyone should get married and have children, and even if one wishes for it, it is not certain whether one can.
But I want it to be a society where
people who "want to get married" and "want to have children" can realize that dream.-----If reading this article has even slightly become a "trigger for thought," that is my wish.
In this age of loneliness, let's reclaim our instincts as humans.
Let's remember the joy of passing on life once again.
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Thank you for reading until the end.
If this article resonated with you, please give it a like❤️ and follow me!I will continue to share information about the real lives of dual-income couples, money matters, and human relationships.
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Author Profile: Takashi
Former regional bank employee. Currently working as an in-house systems engineer. Has appeared on "Attack 25" and "Close-up Gendai." 37 years old, married with a family (child: 7-year-old daughter). Currently sharing information focusing on dual-income households, human relationships, and money matters. Assets as of March 2025 are approximately 32 million yen.