"What are you even trying to say?" The person who used to say that was the most immature of all.

"I got scolded again."

"I'm scared to report this."

"Why is that senior always so irritable? It's hard to talk to them."

When I was a newcomer, I thought things like that every single day.

After my shift, I would go out for drinks with my peers, and the topic was always about our seniors.

"That person is really scary, aren't they?"

"I didn't understand what they meant today either."

We only ever talked about things like that.

But after working as a midwife for nearly 20 years, and now being in a position to mentor juniors myself, I have come to realize something.

The seniors back then, and I myself, were all immature.

Today, I'd like to talk about that.

Actually, I was also on the side that felt irritable.

I'm going to share a slightly embarrassing story.

There were times when I felt frustrated with my juniors.

Even with midwifery students (laughs).

Looking back now, I think I was a truly immature senior.

It wasn't so much that the juniors were at fault, but rather that my own issues were the bigger problem.

Looking back, there are three reasons for this.

1. I wonder what this person is thinking. Even though there's no time.

Listening to a report. They tell me the events in order.

But,

"What are you worried about?"

"What do you want to consult about?"

"After looking at the patient, what did you think?"

I couldn't see that at all.

During a busy shift, there are emergency responses and care for other patients to attend to.

Honestly,

"What are they trying to say, anyway?"

"Sorry, I don't have time. What is the main thing you want to consult about?"

That was all I was thinking about.

I knew they were telling me about the events carefully, one by one.

But in the end, the words "What are you trying to say, exactly?" would always come out.

But looking back now, what I wanted to know wasn't the conclusion.

What did this person feel when they looked at the patient?

What were they worried about that made them come to me?

What did they want us to think about together for the patient's sake?

That was all I wanted to know.

2. Actually, I was the one who was most impatient.

Sudden changes.

Childbirth.

The busy hospital ward.

Now, I can move with a certain degree of composure.

But it was different in the past.

I was scared myself, and I had no confidence.

That's why I would lose my composure.

Because I had no composure, I would get irritated, and my tone would become harsh.

Thinking about it now,

I think I was acting so high and mighty despite having no experience or knowledge (laughs).

3. The time when you start to get a little better at your job is the most dangerous.

Maybe around my fifth year.

I had gotten used to the work, I had juniors, and I felt like I could do things.

Looking back now, that was the most dangerous time.

Even though there were mountains of things I didn't know, and I didn't really have any confidence,

my behavior was that of a veteran. It's so embarrassing...

What do I struggle with now?

Even though I mentor juniors now, I almost never get angry out of frustration.

Even in an emergency,

"Could you please do this?"

"Then I'll do this."

That's how I move.

Matter-of-factly. When I don't have the energy to smile, I'm expressionless (laughs). But I'm not angry. I just want to solve the mission in front of me as a team.

However, there are still times when I struggle.

As a result, there are times when I end up being a bit too stern in my guidance.

For example,

When the same incident happens over and over again.

"What was the agreement for when this happens?"

When I ask that, and there's no reply.

In times like these, I think, "Huh? Could it be that they aren't thinking about anything? I don't know what's going on in this person's head."

It's not knowing what they are thinking.

If our ideas differ, we can fix them together.

If you don't understand, we can study together.

But if I can't see what's in your head, we can't think together.

I seem to be a "scary person" (laughs)
The true feelings of a senior hidden behind "What do you think?"

From my juniors,

"I thought you were scary at first."

I am often told that.

I know the reason myself.

I ask immediately.

"What do you think?"

"Why do you think we should do it this way?"

"What's next?"

Apparently, from the other person's perspective, it feels like they are being cornered.

Admittedly, when written down, it really does sound like I'm cornering them. lol

But I'm not looking for the correct answer, nor do I want to blame them.

I just want to know their thoughts.

If I understand their reasoning,

"That's a good way of thinking."

Sometimes I learn from that too.

If it's different,

"This is how I thought about it."

We can discuss it together.

That's why I ask questions.

Because I want to think together about the best method for the patient.

Of course, I think seniors who yell emotionally are out of the question.

But a senior who calmly and quietly asks,

"What do you think?"

might not be trying to reject you, but rather wanting to think together with you.

What I expect from a first-year student

You might be surprised if I say this.

I hope you understand.

In my first year,

I don't expect you to be able to do the job.

I would be in trouble if someone expected that of me when I was a first-year too (laughs).

People who can do something for the first time are either living their second life or are psychics.

It's natural not to be able to do it. It's natural not to know.

What I'm looking at instead is,

・Whether you can greet people properly

・Whether you can say "I can't do it"

・Whether you can say "I don't know"

・Whether you can say "This is what I thought"

That's about it.

People like that will definitely grow.

Pretending you can do it and keeping it to yourself is much more dangerous.

The problems of the person who is angry and your own value are separate things.

This is the number one thing I want to tell newcomers.

When you get scolded,

"I'm no good."

you think that, don't you?

But that's not true.

Just like the past me, the person who is angry also has their own problems.

There may be days when you don't have any breathing room, or periods when you lose your confidence.

That is why,

someone else's anger is not equal to your worth.

However, I want you to value looking back at your own actions objectively.

Finally,

there is only one thing I want to convey.

I want to make things better for the patients.

I want to protect the babies.

That feeling,

is the same for your senior as it is for you.

But I was immature both when I was a newcomer and when I was a senior.

Your senior was surely struggling too. They had no breathing room. They were scared.

That is precisely why I,

instead of a workplace where seniors and juniors fight,

want to work in a place where we can talk about each other's thoughts.I want to work in such a place.

Nursing and midwifery,

are not jobs where you find the right answer alone.

They are jobs where we think together,

worry together,

and protect the patients together.