7 Things I Did After Deciding to Stop Chasing Him for Communication

"Lately, the messages from him have clearly decreased."
"He reads my messages but doesn't reply."
"He used to be so happy, but suddenly he's become cold."

If you are reading this, you might be in exactly this situation right now.

I was there too.

Suddenly, communication from him dropped drastically.
The morning 'good morning' texts stopped, and the messages I sent were read but ignored.
Weekend dates were brushed off with a simple 'I'm a bit busy.'

I was so anxious that I checked my phone repeatedly, blamed myself wondering 'did I do something wrong?', and couldn't sleep at night.

But now, I am married to that man.

I will tell you the 7 things I did after deciding to 'stop chasing' during that hellish period.

1. I sealed away the 'Why don't you message me?'

It was the thing I wanted to do most. But it was the thing I should have done the least.

Avoidant types pull away even further the moment they feel 'blamed'.

The 'Why?' you send out of anxiety becomes a sign to him that he is being 'cornered'.

I deleted messages I had started typing many times.
I deleted them while crying.
But I think this was the action that had the most effect later on.

2. I stopped looking at his social media

This was truly painful.

'He doesn't message me, but he's updating his stories.'
'He hasn't looked at mine, but he's liking other people's posts.'

Every time I saw things like this, my heart would ache, and my paranoia would grow more and more.

So I took the plunge and muted his social media. Not blocked, but muted.
Creating an environment where you don't see it. Just doing this makes you feel much better mentally.

3. I replied lightly only when he sent a message

I didn't cut off communication completely.
When I got a reply from him, I replied 'normally'.

The point is to keep it 'light'.

Don't send long messages. Don't talk about heavy topics. Don't dump your emotions.
Keep the tone like 'Oh, I see' or 'That's nice'.

For an avoidant person, being someone they feel comfortable with is key.
That is the essence of the strategy of not chasing.

4. I seriously enriched my own time

Instead of 'doing something to forget him,' I decided to genuinely enjoy my own life.

I started going to Pilates, which I had been interested in for a long time, planned trips with friends, and even worked a little harder at my job.

Honestly, at first, I was just trying to distract myself.
But before I knew it, I was actually having fun.

And strangely enough, once I started having a world of my own, his attitude began to change little by little.

5. I didn't hint at 'breaking up'

When your anxiety exceeds its limit, you want to say, 'Maybe we should just break up,' don't you?

But this has the opposite effect on an avoidant partner.

When an avoidant person is confronted with a 'breakup,' they might try to stop you for a moment, but in their heart, they are just confirming, 'I knew this would happen.'
And then they really do drift away.

Don't play the breakup card.
Just quietly live your own life.
This attitude makes you appear as a 'safe presence' to him.

6. I vented my feelings only to people I could trust

'Not chasing' does not mean enduring it all alone.

I was saved many times by trusted friends and by blogs and notes written by people who had gone through the same experience.

'There are people who understand these feelings.'
Just knowing that made me feel like I could keep going a little longer.

If you keep everything bottled up inside, your judgment becomes clouded.
Talking to someone before you give in to anxiety and take unnecessary actions is also a valid 'strategy.'

7. I decided to 're-choose myself' instead of 'waiting'

This might be the most important thing of all.

'I am waiting for him to come back.'
In this state, you are still handing the initiative over to him.

The day I changed was the day I was able to think this:

'Whether he comes back or not, I am fine just as I am.'

When these feelings became real, it was truly mysterious, but I received a message from him.
He asked, "How have you been lately?"

Avoidant individuals sometimes only realize their own feelings when they are no longer being chased.
When you start living your own life, something begins to stir within him.

To you, who are currently filled with anxiety because communication has decreased.

It will be okay.
This painful time you are going through right now is not in vain.

Not chasing is not the same as giving up.
It is about valuing yourself.

I am rooting for your happiness from the bottom of my heart.

If you are currently in a difficult situation, I also offer one free reconciliation consultation via LINE friend addition. Please don't carry this burden alone.