Meeting People

Recently, I have been consciously trying to meet various people.

Whether meeting in person or online via Zoom, I have been listening to their stories, sharing my own, and having them listen to me.

Basically, I am not good at meeting people or being in large groups, so I have been talking to them one-on-one or in small groups of two or three.

There was even a time when I avoided meeting people, so it was incredibly scary and took a lot of courage, but when I actually met and talked with them...

Everyone is kind.

Everyone listens properly.

I was the only one who was afraid.

What am I afraid of?
What was I afraid of?

I am afraid of speaking my true feelings.
I am afraid of being rejected.
I am afraid of not being understood.
I am afraid of exposing myself.

Various things cross my mind.

I am afraid of people seeing my weaknesses and flaws, and I am afraid of being thought of as a loser.

I think such thoughts are at the root of who I am.

But I decided to summon the courage to meet people and talk with them.

The people I met all had one thing in common.

Everyone carries weaknesses, suffering, and fear within themselves. Just like me.

However,

They understand it.
They accept it.
They enjoy it.

The difference between them and me is that they do not deny that part of themselves. They do not blame themselves. They accept that part of themselves too, and then look forward, asking, 'So, what shall I do now?'

And what everyone said to me had something in common.

"You're fine just the way you are."
"You can do it."
"It will all work out."

・
・
・
・

???

Huh??

To me, a person who was a bundle of self-denial, these words were incomprehensible at first, but since everyone said them as if they had rehearsed it, I think I'll just accept it as the truth.

The people who seem the most strong and positive are the ones who have accepted their own weaknesses, and perhaps that is why they can be kind (and sometimes strict) to others.

And I feel that at the root of it all is "love."

Love for oneself, love for others, love for one's current environment.
Everyone is so cool.

I felt an emotion I had never felt before.

Or maybe I had felt it before, but because I had denied myself so much, I might have forgotten it.

Perhaps it was already inside me all along.

I am gradually remembering many things. That feeling might be closer to the truth.

It's about time I stop the habit of self-denial and try stepping out into the outside world just as I am.

I'm starting to feel that way.
(Even though I'm scared)

Deciding to summon the courage to meet people, to have them talk to me, and to expose my own weaknesses.

I feel that taking that first step is truly a huge thing.