To you, wavering on the boundary between spoiling and disciplining

"Am I spoiling them?"
"Should I have been stricter?"

The more you care for your child,
that question
remains with us.

And,
I worry about whether I am
disciplining them properly.

First, I want to clarify that
spoiling, disciplining, and loving are not words that exist on the same spectrum

.

1. What is spoiling?

Spoiling is a state where you prioritize the child's
"pleasure of the moment"
and lose sight of

the perspective of long-term growth.

- Not making them do something because they dislike it
- Doing it for them because they cry
- Not setting boundaries to avoid conflict

What lies there
is sometimes not kindness,

but rather the parent's own anxiety or
avoidance of fatigue.

This is not to blame you.
When people lack capacity,
they choose short-term
solutions.

2. What is discipline?

Discipline is teaching the
"form" needed to live in society.

Greeting others. Following turns.
Keeping promises.

This is
not domination.

It is building a foundation
to make life easier.

However, what is important is that

making them obey through fear
is not discipline.
That is control.

Is the child
acting out of understanding?
Or are they obeying out of fear?

This difference
grows larger
as time passes.

3. What is love?

To love is to consistently convey the message,
"You are a precious being."

Correct the behavior.
Do not deny the person.

This is where the line is drawn.

・Set boundaries on behavior
・Accept their emotions
・Do not hurt their character

Telling them, "You must not do that,"
is within the scope of love.

Telling them, "You are no good,"
falls outside of love.

4. Choose questions over certainty

Spoiling or
disciplining?

When you think in those two choices,
your thinking
inevitably becomes shallow.

The essence is much more multi-dimensional.

Set boundaries with love as the foundation.

Kindness and strictness
do not conflict; they coexist.

And, if you

"I am not wrong"
"This is the right way"

If you are thinking that strongly.

Just once,
please try to pause.

Does that interaction

expand the child's
future?

Does it protect
their current sense of security?

Children do not
grow through a parent's correctness.
They grow through a parent's "attitude."

Rather than not wavering,
keep asking questions.

That is,
the form of mature love.