June 16th

*This diary was written by Higashide and uploaded by his wife.
The diary follows below.

3:00 AM
Woke up.

I had set my alarm for 3:50 AM, but I woke up anyway.

It's a bit awkward to try and go back to sleep, so I've decided to just get up and get ready.

Today, I'm going hunting wearing tabi.

Until this spring, I exclusively wore hiking boots when I went hunting.
A few years ago, I bought some jikatabi at Workman and tried wearing them for hunting, but even the largest size they had in the store was too tight for my 28.5cm feet, so I stopped wearing them right away.

However, this spring I found even larger tabi on Amazon, so I bought them along with some five-toe socks.

I was surprised at how quiet my footsteps were during my last hunt, and I successfully caught one deer.
Today is my second hunt.


I drank some hot coffee, put on my hunting gear, and hung the headlamp I'd been using on a nail sticking out of the wall by the entrance.
Just past 4:00 AM, I set off.


I walked from my house toward the mountain.
The spot I'm heading to today is a grassy field.

Mulberries have recently started growing on the land below, and the grassy area is full of the tender grass that deer love.
Right next to it is a coniferous mountain with no food, so if I were a deer, I'd think,
'Before it gets bright and I head into the mountain, I want to eat as much as I can right here.'

Sunrise has passed.

I'll be at the spot soon.

The tabi really don't make any sound.

However, today, the ball inside the spray can I put in my back pocket is making an annoying rattling sound.

Usually, I keep the spray can in my light truck, but since I want to avoid driving the truck as much as possible due to the remaining gas, I brought everything: the camera, the spray can, the application forms, a pen, the camera, and a bag for the tail.
For a solo stalk, these tools are a 'burden'.



The grassy field came into view.

The morning's blue light still covered the plants, and the shadows of stumps and rocks looked like the silhouettes of animals grazing.

There were no animals in the wide-open land.

I kept my guard up and continued walking.


Then, two deer emerged from under a cliff 5 meters ahead to my right.


They hadn't noticed me, but they lifted their bodies to the same level and realized I was there in an instant.


The larger deer jumped down under the cliff it had just come from.
At the same time, I loaded a round into the chamber.

The other one,
a smaller deer, bounded toward the wide, flat land in front of me.

I crouched down and aimed my rifle in a kneeling position.


I was tracking the jumping deer perfectly with my 3x magnification scope.
Its upper body remained in the center of the reticle.

For a moment, I thought, 'Should I shoot?'

But I stopped.

I suddenly had a feeling that 'the deer might stop now.'

The deer, having lost sight of me when I crouched, did indeed stop.
And while listening to the warning call of the other individual, it seemed to be thinking, 'Which way should I run to meet up?'

Distance: 50m.

It felt a bit risky to aim with just 3x magnification.

I briefly pulled the gun back, thinking about increasing the scope's magnification, but then I thought, 'If it starts running, it's easier to track at a lower magnification,' so I kept it at 3x and aimed.

I steadied my breathing.
The center of the reticle was locked on its upper body.

I fired.



Amidst the roar, the deer collapsed.


I approached, finished it off, and while waiting for it to pass, I thought about that moment just now.


I had it in my scope while it was running, but I didn't shoot.

Usually, there are rare occasions where I shoot while they are running.
At those times, of course, I pull the trigger thinking, 'I can do this!', but I also know the difficulty of shooting a running target that moves irregularly—stumbling, stopping, or taking unusually large steps—so there's also a part of me that's wishing, 'Please hit!'

But just now, even though it was in the center of the reticle the whole time, I didn't shoot.
Why?

Perhaps at that speed of escape,
I deduced that 'it's better to wait for it to stop.'

Conversely, if it had been a faster-running deer, there's a high possibility I would have pulled the trigger.


This ability to read the animal's breath and instantly think about how to move myself must be the joy of hunting.

Certainly, in that moment, in that sequence, I felt as if I had become the deer.



It was a young individual. Judging by its size, it was likely born last year.

When I finished field dressing it in the mountain, two hawks were already circling overhead.



5:00 AM
Returned home. Walked See-chan.

5:30 AM
It's too early to deliver the tail to the Okabe residence (the hunting association branch), so I made minced meat.

I've gotten used to the darkness of this life, but the kitchen in the morning is still dark.
It's darker than the room with flowers in the music video for 'BUDS MONTAGE' by Namidare.

6:00 AM
Thinking, 'It's still too early,' I then finely chopped and sautéed onions.
It takes about 30 minutes to get onions to a caramel color.
However, if the onions are crunchy and under-sautéed, they don't bind well and tend to crumble when made into hamburger patties.
Today, I want to aim for the perfect hamburger.
So I won't compromise and will aim for that soft, caramel color (serious face).

7:00 AM
Finished sautéing the onions to the perfect caramel color, ate pot-au-feu for breakfast, and finished taking out the trash.

Maintained my hunting gear.

Replenished the hunting vest with bullets, application forms, plastic bags, etc.
I removed the vinyl tape that had been attached to the end of the muzzle and wrapped a new piece around it to act as a cap. This is to prevent accidents where the gun might explode if fired with impurities like branches or mud inside the muzzle.

Hung out the tabi and hunting gear to dry.
I didn't get splattered with blood today, so they weren't dirty at all.


Wrote in my diary while drinking coffee in front of the stove.

8:00 AM
Departed for the Okabe residence.

The morning breeze is cold, so I wore leggings and a long-sleeved T-shirt under my short sleeves and shorts.

I've gotten used to riding the road bike and enjoyed the scenery flowing by without a sound.

8:30 AM
Submitted the tail at Mr. Okabe's place.
Had tea with the coffee I brought and heard about the recent situation with the local hunting association.

I joined the current hunting association in 2023, but now in 2026, hunters have introduced other hunters, and the total membership has reached 46.

However,
when I was told, 'Before you joined, Dekkun, in 2022, there were only 17 of us,'
I doubted my own ears, saying, 'What! It increased that much!?'

'That's why our hunting association is often envied by others,' Mr. Okabe continued.

But I hear that in other hunting associations,
there are many old guys who instill self-righteous things into the young, like 'If you don't follow our rules, we won't forgive you.'

'Places like XX (a branch name of a hunting association) say things like, "We don't let outsiders in," or "You can't join if you're not a local."
If they keep saying things like that, young people won't grow, will they?
It's fine to commute from Tokyo or Saitama.
If they come on the occasional weekend, shoot a gun, catch a deer, and go home, the deer population decreases and the number of hunters increases.
If that doesn't happen, there won't be anyone left in the countryside.'
said Mr. Okabe.

As I was leaving, he gave me two peaches, saying, 'These are the first of the season.'

9:00 AM
Left Mr. Okabe's house and headed further down toward the village.
I have to go to the government office for hunting-related paperwork.

On the way, as I passed in front of Akemi-san's house, I saw Akemi-san chatting with an old guy standing in front of a parked light truck.

'Akemi-san!' I waved, and she said,
'Oh, Dekkun, stop by for a bit!'

Akemi-san is an auntie who is good at cooking, and she's about the same generation as my mother.

She seems to have experienced many 'loves and heartbreaks' in her life, and she often catches young female juniors and gives them various advice, saying, 'You know, making a man fall in love with you is...'

One day, a junior said,
'Akemi-san gave me this book and said, "Read this."' The title of the book she handed me was
'A Man's Perch'.


'Dekkun, it's been a while! Riding a bike and all, what are you up to?'
'I'm currently living as if I've been hit by a major earthquake for a month, and I have to go into the city (in front of the station), so I'm heading there!'
'Oh my, Dekkun is doing something hungry again.'

Even though it was morning, I felt the sexiness of a snack bar where cigarette smoke drifts.

'Take this with you.'

The old guy in the light truck seems to be a plum farmer, and the bed of the truck was full of plums.

'Dekkun, wait a second, I'm going to go get a bag.'

When I was alone with the old guy, he said,
'That's a rare name.'
'Oh, I'm Higashide.'
'It's rare, the surname. Where is your father from?'
'Wakayama.'
'Ah, I thought so. The West has history, so there are many different surnames. Places like Wakayama and Mie, typhoons pass through there, right? But you know, it's warm, and the land is that rich. That's why culture grows in the West.'
'My father also said he experienced the Isewan Typhoon.'
'Oh, is that so? He's already that old. Well, this land also has history, like Shingen-san and others, so related to that...' as we were talking,
'Old guy, stop the long talk, Dekkun isn't free,' Akemi-san said, cutting off the conversation as she brought a bag.

'Have the kids gotten bigger?'
'Yes, I'll bring them next time!'
'Let's all drink together again, I'll be waiting with food!'
'Okay, thank you very much! See you again!'

I said that, waved, and started going down the hill again.



I thought, 'Even though I'm "living through a disaster," is it okay to receive so much fruit?'
The next moment, I thought, 'But even if I were "truly in a disaster," they would probably still give it to me.'


Since leaving Tokyo and moving here, the thing that has changed the most in me is my 'anxiety about the future.'

When I was in Tokyo, I needed money.
That's why, even though I was working as an actor,
I thought, 'If I get into an unexpected accident and get a scar on my face, everything will be over.'


Since moving here and just living my life, compared to when I was in Tokyo, I've met an incredible number of people, drank tea, shared sake, talked, and been treated with kindness.
Now, even if I get a scar on my face, or even if I get a serious illness, end up bedridden, and lose my income, making my household finances tight,
I'm sure, no, definitely, everyone will help me and help raise my children.



The backpack with the bag of plums dug into my shoulders.

'If I were really in a disaster,'

I'm sure Akemi-san would say,
'Dekkun, feed this to the kids. I'm old and just going to go over there soon, so it's better for the kids to eat it.'



The village is somehow hot.
As expected of a basin, I wonder if it's about 10°C different from near my house.
And I feel like the type of sunlight has changed.
It's a heat ray that makes my head feel scorching hot.

They say 'sweltering heat,' but is the origin of that word
'yudaru' (to boil),
something like 'unadareru' (to hang one's head),
or was it born from an interjection like 'Ugh, dull'?
I was thinking about things like that while standing and pedaling up the endlessly continuing gentle slope, under the steaming hair inside my helmet, with my head not really working.


Finished my errands and headed home.

In front of a house about 1/8th of the way through the entire slope, radishes in a box were lined up.

'This is the best,' I thought, thanking them in a youthful tone inside my head, which had become scrambled by the heat.
Gratefully, I took one medium-sized radish.


11:30 AM
Arrived at the valley I visited the other day.
Jumped in with my clothes on.

It feels the absolute best!!

Splashed and swam to where the river is deep and the water is blue,
scrubbed my body with the towel I brought,
and washed the clothes I had been wearing.

I sat on a rock and ate the plums I had just received.
They were so sour that my saliva gushed out, but maybe it's that citric acid deliciousness. A taste that refreshingly heals a tired body.

There is only the sound of the river flowing and the birds chirping.

Chasing wild animals, getting fruit, sweating while panting on a bicycle, jumping into a river and swimming,
it was packed with 'this is the kind of life I wanted to live.'


While swimming, I thought, 'Counting it up, the "disaster life" is halfway through today, huh~'

Today, at the halfway point, my spirits were at their highest in this river.


Took a selfie to commemorate the halfway point.

My beard and hair have grown, and I've been tanned by the sun.


12:30 PM
Returned home, did some cleaning, hung out the futon, and boiled some penne.

1:30 PM
Lunch was
Penne all'arrabbiata.

Delicious.

'I could probably do a pasta shop,' I thought suddenly.


And,
'But there are many types like spaghettini, penne, tagliatelle, and the boiling time changes depending on that, and there are many sauces like tomato, cream, and oil-based, and making dozens of servings of different things while keeping the customer turnover rate high and having every single dish be delicious would be extremely difficult,' I thought.

'I guess rice bowls are the way to go. Like curry or Lu Rou Fan.
Something you can just dump over rice and serve immediately.
And set it with deer soup or something.
What if there was a shop on a mountain pass?
Bikers who rode through the cold wind of early winter, or long-distance truck drivers after digging their tires out of the snow—I think they would be happy with deer soup that has plenty of ginger and warms them from the core.
Let's make that shop a set-meal restaurant during the day, and at night, general customers are by reservation only, and fellow hunters can just drop by when they know each other and exchange information night after night.
What should the shop name be?
It's like a hideout, so 'AJITO'. No, 'Agito' sounds more like it. Hmm, but maybe that's trying too hard to be cool.
But 'Moguri', which has a bit of an atmosphere of the rarity of hunter food, is good too,'
I was just indulging in delusions like that.

2:30 PM
My wife and child haven't returned.
While walking the dog, I went to the nearest bus stop to check the timetable.
Is the one around 4:00 PM the last one?


4:30 PM
Still haven't returned.

'Did something happen?' I think, but if something really happened, they would send a messenger.

If they don't come home tonight, that's lonely.

If they don't come home, I thought, 'It's a hassle to grill a hamburger just for myself. Maybe I'll just drink some strong alcohol and go to sleep.'

5:00 PM
My wife and child returned, being dropped off by Yuuka's car.

Thank goodness!
My spirits lifted.

I heard from Yuuka, who dropped them off, about the complaints regarding the traps the other day,
and comforted her, saying, 'Thank you very much for your hard work. Well, when you're active, there are people who will complain, so it can't be helped.'


6:30 PM
Dinner with the family. The menu for dinner was,

Radish and tuna mayonnaise salad
Deer hamburger patties (5)
Freshly cooked 2-minute polished rice


The hamburger was light and delicious.
However, unless it's coarsely ground by a food processor or by hand, it wasn't soft and chewy like slime meat with Bonnie's mincer.

Let's use the mincer for gyoza or soup.

8:00 PM
I started feeling sleepy before the first bottle of wine had even gone down much.

Brushed my teeth and went to bed.

9:00 PM
My wife, who had just finished her bath, said to me,
'Masahiro-san, you've started to smell like a deer.'
I was startled.

'Seriously!? Do I stink!?'

'No, I don't mean you stink, but'
'maybe this is the true smell of a person. The smell of grass, soil, and the sun.'
'And the smell of smoke too.'
'That's right. It's not an unpleasant smell. It's like something nostalgic.'

When I go to the mountain with Hattori-san, I often think, 'Hattori-san smells like a deer.' It's really not an unpleasant smell,
but a smell like a mixture of soil, grass, and the sweet scent of breast milk from a baby.

I, who have been bathing and washing in the river and haven't used deodorant, shampoo, or perfume, may have become a pure 'human smell' in two weeks.


9:30 PM
Went to sleep.



Book I read today:
Confessions

What I wanted to eat most today:
I wanted to drink a double espresso and smoke a cigarette on a rock by the river after bathing.