Episode 5: What I Believe | Perception Onmyodo Series

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In the windowless room, something like a magic circle is drawn on the walls and floor. It is a little different from what you see in movies; it looks like a fusion of geometric patterns, with intertwined blue and black colors emitting a faint light. It looks more scientific than something an Onmyoji would use.
Satsuki is wearing a kimono designed with the same blue and black geometric patterns as the magic circle, looking at Mika with a smile.
“It seems you’ve built a relationship of trust.”
Satsuki looked at Mili, who was sitting beside Mika.
“You should be able to fight now. Against Kurabe.”
As if responding to Satsuki’s words, Mika felt a lump and a weight in her throat. A withered-leaf-colored arm wrapped around her neck, and Mika gripped the measuring spoon hanging from her neck.
“Woof!”
Mili barked quietly. Despite the comparison scenarios growing intense in her mind, Mika felt as if Mili was saying “It’s okay” with an unclouded face, and she nodded slightly.
When she grabbed the withered-leaf-colored arm with her left hand to peel it off, it felt like a branch fallen in the forest. Immediately, the arm slipped through Mika’s hand, and the weight on her back vanished.
“It’s gone...?”
“Not yet.”
Satsuki said quietly to Mika, who had stood up as if to check her surroundings.
A silence that seemed to stop the fluctuations of the air... Mika, who had been holding her breath unconsciously, imagined the sunlight illuminating her heart being covered by darkness, and she hugged herself as if to protect her body from the cold.
“WOOF!!!”
“...!”
Mili lunged and bit into the empty space to Mika’s right. As Mili turned back, Mika fell to both knees with a weight so heavy she couldn’t stand. She coughed, trying to spit out the stone that felt like it was clogging her throat, but her body became heavy as if sinking into the floor. She imagined black mud covering her entire body...
“Hic...!”
As if mocking Mika, a withered-leaf-colored face appeared so close she could feel its breath. Kurabe narrowed its goblin-like thin eyes even further, and while looking at Mika’s face, it stroked and grabbed her throat with its sharp claws and four fingers. Every time Kurabe touched her, it felt like the stone in her throat was expanding, and her body, sensing a threat to its life, began to breathe shallowly and rapidly.
“Sat... suki... san...”
Mili remained poised and motionless, and Mika looked at Satsuki with her vision slightly blurred. Satsuki clenched both fists, looked down slightly as if gritting her teeth, stopped her right foot as she was about to step forward, and shook her head.
“Satsuki, sa...”
The stone in her throat expanded further, and Kurabe, covering her body, became even heavier.
“Because you get such grades on tests, Mother is embarrassed.”
The moment she felt a flash like a blade shining near her temple, memories with noise like an old videotape began to flow.
“You, try harder. I heard the husband of the Ninomiya family has already been promoted to section manager. And he’s two years younger than you.”
Mother’s voice... She spent her days in position-talk with other mothers, and she was in a good mood on days she could soak in a sense of superiority, and on other days, she would sigh or complain. I was always afraid of Mother’s voice. When my name was called, my body would flinch, and my voice would become small. Mother would look down on me with contempt, sigh, and spit out words telling me to speak up clearly if Mother was wrong. It’s your fault for not being able to do it, that’s why Mother is embarrassed... Before I knew it, whenever I tried to speak in front of Mother, I couldn’t get my voice out properly. Even when I tried to talk, my words always arrived a few steps late. Yes, as if something was stuck in my throat, trying to keep me from speaking...
No one will help me. Even now... there is no one who will try to help me, someone inferior to others...
Her vision blurred, and the darkness from the surroundings began to cover her, narrowing her view.
“...? Mili...”
About two meters away, Mili was looking at her, bracing its four limbs. It looked at Kurabe, which was wrapped around Mika, as if it wanted to move but couldn’t.
Kurabe looked at Mili and twisted its mouth as if triumphant... That was the image that came to her. Mili was baring its teeth but wouldn’t move.
“Mili, why...”
“For a Shikigami to exert its power, a relationship of trust is absolute. Trust becomes a contract, and the Shikigami gains the power to exorcise Yokai.”
Satsuki’s words from three days ago came to mind.
“That child knows Mika-san’s thoughts. It understands what you have built up.”
“My... what I have built up... trust, contract... of a Shikigami...”
Mika braced her body, which was hunched over enough to hear the floor’s breathing, by putting strength into the big toes of both feet. She slowly raised her upper body, and when she had one knee up, she grabbed Kurabe’s fingers that were tangled in her throat.
Kurabe is laughing... You can’t peel me off, you are inferior to others, you can’t do anything... At the voice that spread like ripples by her ear, Mika gritted her back teeth.
“I, too, have things I have built up... I, too...”
Kurabe’s eyes widened, its laughter twitched, and it wrapped both hands around her throat to break Mika’s will, but perhaps it had put too much momentum into it, as it slipped off her back and attached both feet to the front as if hanging from Mika’s neck.
Beyond the withered-tree-like body, she could see Mili.
Their gazes crossed.
Mika smiled slightly and nodded.
Kurabe tried to crawl back onto her back... In an instant, a gale blew through, and Mili’s sharp fangs bit into Kurabe’s body, tearing it away from Mika.
“Haa... haa...”
Mika stood up slowly and looked down at Kurabe, who was being pinned down by Mili and was flailing its hands and feet.
“I am no longer the me from back then... I won’t be trampled by the likes of you...!!”
As her voice spread throughout the room, Mili tore into its stomach, and Kurabe dissipated as if the fog were clearing, disappearing from her sight. The stone that had been stuck in her throat also vanished as if it had popped, and just as she was about to collapse on the spot from losing her strength, Satsuki supported her.
“Satsuki-san...”
Tears wet her cheeks, and she grabbed Satsuki’s arm.
“You did well to see it through.”
Satsuki said.
Mili was rubbing its cheek against the feet of Mika, who was sitting on the floor. When she gently reached out and stroked behind its ears, Mili barked “Woof!” happily.
“I did it, didn’t I...? By myself, I exorcised Kurabe...”
“That’s right. Mika-san, you exorcised Kurabe yourself.”
“Thanks to Mili...”
“It is Mika-san’s own power. Otherwise, a Shikigami cannot exert its power.”
Mika confirmed that she had strength in her body and then stood up slowly. Satsuki also stood up and smiled at Mika.
“You have a very good face.”
Satsuki said.
“Truly, the face of someone who has had a spirit removed (laughs).”
“Hehe, thank you (laughs).”
Sweat flowed from her forehead, and her breathing had not yet settled. Her heartbeat was fast, but little by little, it was returning to normal... Suddenly, she felt she saw a light in the corner of her vision and turned her face.
There was nothing. Since there were no windows, there was no way light could shine in, but she felt the scenery had become just a little brighter. It was as if light had shone into a world that had always had low brightness.
“Huh? Where is Mili...?”
Before she knew it, Mili had disappeared, and Mika looked around as if searching for a lost child.
“There.”
Satsuki pointed to the measuring spoon on Mika’s chest.
“Mili is always by Mika-san’s side. Even if you can’t see it, always.”
Mika gently touched the measuring spoon hanging from her neck with her right hand. She felt it might be slightly warm. The things she had built up, the things only she knew...
“Mili...”
She whispered and looked up at the ceiling as if to suppress the emotions welling up.

The next day.
She went to work on the late shift, spent a busy day, and was exhausted by the time she went home. She got on the train and took out her smartphone casually. Her fingers, not unconsciously but consciously, opened social media. The screen was crowded with photos where the glitter had been cut out.
“...”
When she felt her heart ripple for a moment, Mili’s face came to mind. Her left hand gently touched her chest.
“That’s right, I’m okay now, aren’t I?”
Saying it with her lips, she saw an advertisement for “Wana no Sato” that jumped into her view, relaxed her mouth slightly, and closed the social media app. Moving her fingers, she replied to the voice saying “You don’t have to go that far...” with “If I need it, I can just reinstall it,” deleted the account, and then pressed the delete button for the app.
To the question “Do you want to delete it?”, she whispered, “Because I don’t need it anymore,” and the social media icon disappeared from Mika’s smartphone.
When she looked up, she saw her own face reflected in the window.
She was tired. But she wasn’t dark.
Eventually, when she arrived at the station, she took a step forward as if to begin a new daily life.

After finishing work and petting Qualia at home, Satsuki softened her cheeks at the email from Mika. She’s probably okay now... Thinking that, a feeling of fatigue and fulfillment mixed together, greater than dealing with company executives, spread through her body, and a smile spilled out involuntarily.
While petting Qualia, who was curled up on her lap, Satsuki operated her smartphone and clicked on the “Wana no Sato” website.
Words like white, fluffy syrup that soak into a tired heart. Even though she knew it wasn’t good, the sweetness that spread the moment she tasted it soaked into her exhausted body, a sweet, comforting world spreading into her exhausted heart...
It might be one of the spiritual communities overflowing in the city. There are advertisements that tempt you even more strongly. Yes, just like those...
“...”
Qualia jumped up with a start, flew to the edge of the sofa, and kept looking up at her while lying prone.
“It’s okay.”
Satsuki smiled.
Qualia slowly took a step, rubbed its cheek against Satsuki’s left hand, then got back on her lap and curled up.

“The calm that takes away your pain is here.”
Satsuki scrolled to the end of the Wana no Sato website.
“Luring with light, sinking into darkness...”
She muttered, opened her smartphone calendar, and wrote one line in her holiday schedule.
“Wana no Sato, investigation”
She turned her eyes outside the window.
The moon was not visible, and rain began to tap on the window, pitter-patter.
Holding Qualia, she walked to the window, closed the curtains, and headed to the bedroom. She had to rest properly. She had to do what she had to do. She felt that way. Even if her daily life until now were to end.