[Book] Why do excellent leaders 'ask' instead of 'teach'? Learning how to build an autonomous organization from the book 'How to Begin: Start Something That Matters' - Michael Bungay Stanier
I read Michael Bungay Stanier's 'How to Begin: Start Something That Matters' (Discover 21, 2024). (Note: The Japanese title translates to 'The Coaching Technique Where You Must Not Give Advice: Dramatically Improving Subordinates and Organizations').
Building on the author's previous work, 'The Coaching Habit' (Pan Rolling, 2017), this book develops even deeper insights and practical approaches, and has already become a catalyst for change in many organizations.
Introduction: The 'Advice Trap' Corrodes Organizations and Individuals
Many leaders and managers immediately offer 'advice' when they receive a consultation from a subordinate. This is because they believe it is their role and their way of providing value. However, the author sounds an alarm about this behavior, naming it the 'Advice Trap'.
There are two main problems lurking in this trap. One is that you are 'looking at the wrong problem.' In almost all cases, the issue a subordinate first mentions is superficial and not the true problem. However, the leader, in their eagerness to help, jumps on that initial issue and tries to solve it. As a result, time and resources are spent on solving non-essential problems.
The other problem is that even if you manage to address the right issue, there is a high probability that you are 'offering a mediocre solution.' Leaders do not have a grasp of the entire picture and tend to give advice based on fragmented information, their own assumptions, and a bias to believe that 'my ideas are excellent.' In organizations, there is also a tendency for the first safe idea proposed to be adopted, and as a result, the team settles for a mediocre solution that is far from the best.
This 'Advice Trap' is not just inefficient; it has a serious negative impact on the organization. Those who receive advice lose their autonomy and expertise by constantly being instructed, and lose their motivation. Those who give advice take on the work of others, become overwhelmed, and turn into a bottleneck. As a result, the team cannot exert power greater than the sum of individual abilities, becomes a workplace that cannot produce results, and ultimately falls into a negative spiral of hindering the transformation of the entire organization.
The Cause of Being Unable to Stop Giving Advice: Your Inner 'Advice Monster'
So, why can we not stop giving advice to this extent? The author points out that it is because an 'Advice Monster' exists in everyone's heart. This monster skillfully plays three different personalities depending on the situation, driving us to give advice.
Tell-It: The most obvious personality, which whispers, 'Showing the answer is your value.' It makes you believe that you are a failure as a manager if you do not state the answer, and tries to make you think that you know best.
Save-It: It appeals to you by saying, 'Everything will fail if you don't help,' and fuels an excessive sense of responsibility. It makes you take on others' problems as your own and tries to make you indulge in a martyr-like self-satisfaction.
Control-It: The most cunning personality, which whispers, 'Always being in charge is the only path to success.' It makes you believe that disaster will strike if you do not hand over authority to no one and keep everything moving exactly as you wish.
The fundamental assumption common to these three personalities is an unconscious arrogance that 'I am superior to others.' And as the flip side of that, it views the other person as 'lacking something, insufficient.' This way of thinking robs them of the opportunity to believe in the other person's potential and draw out their abilities.
4 Steps to Tame the Monster and Become Your 'Future Self'
You cannot erase the Advice Monster. However, it is possible to 'tame' it. This behavioral change is not a 'simple change' like installing a new app, but a 'difficult change' like replacing an OS. It can be said to be a battle between the 'current self' that prioritizes immediate benefits (success for now) and the 'future self' that aims for long-term growth.
To achieve this 'difficult change,' the author presents four steps.
What is the trigger?: Identify the triggers—what kind of people or situations awaken your Advice Monster.
Acknowledge the problem: When the monster appears, honestly acknowledge what specific problematic behaviors you are taking (interrupting others, rushing to conclusions, etc.).
Rewards and punishments: Clarify the short-term benefits (rewards) and long-term losses (punishments) that the problematic behavior brings. For example, 'being thought of as smart (reward)' versus 'limiting the team's potential (punishment).'
'Future Self' FTW (For The Win)!: Concrete visualize the ideal leader image you can become as a result of taming the Advice Monster (empathetic, mindful, humble) and its benefits, and solidify your commitment to change.
What should you do instead of giving advice? The art of staying curious
What a leader should do instead of giving advice is to 'stay curious longer, and take your time instead of rushing to give advice.' The three principles and seven questions to practice this are the core tools of this book.
[Three Coaching Principles]
1. Be Lazy: 'Be lazy' about trying to solve your subordinates' problems for them immediately.2. Be Curious: Stay curious about what the other person is saying and commit fully to deepening the conversation.
3. Be Frequent: Practice coaching not as a special event, but in every daily communication.
[Seven Essential Questions]
These questions are simple, but they have the power to deepen conversations and encourage the other person's self-reflection.
The Kickstart Question: 'What's on your mind?'
The AWE Question: 'And what else?'
The Focus Question: 'What's the real challenge here for you?'
The Foundation Question: 'What do you want?'
The Strategic Question: 'If you're saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?'
The Lazy Question: 'How can I help?'
The Learning Question: 'What was most useful or important to you from our conversation?'
By using these questions individually or in combination, leaders can help subordinates discover challenges and find solutions themselves without giving advice.
Identifying the essence: Overcoming the 'fuzziness' of conversation
Even when attempting a coaching-style dialogue, conversations can sometimes drift away from the essence. The author calls the patterns of conversation that obscure the real challenge 'fuzziness' and lists six typical examples.
Impatience: Jumping on the first thing the other person says.
Ghost Coaching: Focusing entirely on 'that person' who is not present and not a party to the conversation.
Compromise: Avoiding touching on the real challenge and sticking to harmless topics.
Popcorn phenomenon: Problems are raised one after another based on whims, leading to a loss of control.
Big picture perspective: The conversation remains stuck in generalities or abstractions, and 'I', the person involved, does not become the subject.
Long-windedness: Buried in endless background explanations and stories, never reaching the main point.
When a leader notices these 'ambiguities,' they are required to communicate them to the other party and use 'focusing questions' to correct the trajectory of the conversation and lead it toward an essential dialogue.
Embedding the 'Coaching Habit' into Organizational Culture
The numerous tools and mindsets introduced in this book are not meant to be learned once and forgotten. It is important to consciously and repeatedly practice them in all daily situations—such as one-on-one meetings, conferences, feedback sessions, and email or chat exchanges—to establish them as a 'coaching habit'.
The book also introduces a framework called 'TERA' (Tribe, Expectation, Rank, Autonomy) to ensure psychological safety where the other party can speak with peace of mind. By leaders striving for words and actions that enhance these elements, subordinates can participate more deeply in conversations and open up their own potential.
Escaping the advice trap and acquiring a coaching habit will be a powerful first step not only for the individual growth of leaders but also for maximizing team performance and building a strong organizational culture that continues to evolve autonomously.
Perspective as Corporate HR: How to Utilize This Book
This book is not just a collection of techniques for supervising subordinates; it is a volume that poses essential questions about the communication culture at the core of an organization, and by extension, the very nature of human resource development and organizational development. As corporate HR, I felt that the insights in this book have the potential to be integrated into and utilized in various HR initiatives.
As a New Compass for Management Training
While management training is conducted in many companies, the content tends to be biased toward teaching and knowledge input. However, to lead employees with diverse values in the modern age and overcome uncertain times, the management style of teaching a uniform 'correct answer' has reached its limits.
The concept of this book demonstrates concrete practical methods for 'coaching leadership,' which is exactly what is required of the next generation of managers. Incorporating self-diagnostic workshops on the 'Advice Monster' to provide managers with an opportunity to notice their own communication habits and unconscious assumptions would be highly effective. Furthermore, by incorporating role-playing using the '7 Essential Questions' into training, it can be internalized as a concrete skill that can be used starting tomorrow. This strongly supports the transition to management that respects subordinates' autonomy, preventing the micromanagement that new managers often fall into.
Preventing 1-on-1 Meetings from Becoming Hollow and Improving Their Quality
Although 1-on-1 meetings have been introduced in many companies in recent years, there are many cases where they become hollow, with comments heard such as 'it's just a progress check' or 'I don't know what to talk about.' This book serves as a clear prescription for this issue.
As HR, we can recommend incorporating the book's 'kickstart questions' and 'focusing questions' into 1-on-1 guidelines. By starting with 'Is there anything on your mind?', subordinates can speak about their issues with peace of mind, and by asking 'What do you think is the real challenge to work on here?', the dialogue deepens into something more essential. This is a simple yet powerful approach to transforming 1-on-1s from a 'place for bosses to manage subordinates' into a 'place for reflection where subordinates face their own growth and challenges.' The accumulation of high-quality 1-on-1s leads directly to improved employee engagement and the promotion of career autonomy.
Reconstructing Evaluation Systems and Feedback Culture
In performance management, especially in feedback situations, the ideas in this book bring about a major transformation. Conventional one-way feedback as 'evaluation delivery' or 'criticism' tended to trigger defensive postures in employees and was unlikely to lead to true behavioral change.
As the book shows, by using a coaching approach after delivering feedback, the quality of the dialogue changes dramatically. For example, after conveying areas for improvement, one might ask, 'After receiving this feedback, is there anything that concerns you?' or 'What would you like to see happen from here?' By doing this, employees perceive the feedback as their 'own business' and begin to think proactively about their next actions. As HR, by thoroughly implementing this 'feedback + coaching' set in evaluator training, we can turn evaluation interviews into excellent opportunities for human resource development and foster a culture that promotes learning and growth throughout the organization.
Transformation into an 'Organization that Asks Each Other' with High Psychological Safety
The attitude of 'asking' that flows through the foundation of this book is an essential element in building an organizational culture with high psychological safety. Instead of supervisors forcing answers, they should show sincere interest in their subordinates' thoughts and opinions and ask questions. Once this type of communication becomes the norm, employees will feel a sense of security that 'whatever I say will be accepted,' leading them to voice their opinions without fear of failure and to attempt new challenges.
This cannot be achieved through top-down management alone. It requires steady efforts where the HR department acts as a hub to enlighten all levels, from management to frontline leaders, on the 'importance of asking' and to share success stories. Issuing a message such as 'From advice to asking' as a company-wide slogan is one approach. Such cultural transformation should contribute significantly to the creation of innovation and the improvement of organizational resilience.
Developing Autonomous Talent and Improving Engagement
Ultimately, the coaching advocated by this book leads to the development of 'autonomous talent.' In an environment where answers are always provided, only employees who wait for instructions will grow. On the other hand, by repeatedly experiencing the process of thinking for themselves and deriving answers through questions from their supervisors, employees internally cultivate their ability to identify issues and solve problems.
Thinking for oneself, making decisions, and taking action. The sense of achievement and growth gained through this process becomes the greatest motivation. Employees will develop high engagement toward supervisors and organizations that support their growth, which in turn leads to talent retention. As an HR strategy, analyzing the correlation between engagement survey results and the coaching skills of managers, and visualizing the effects of introducing coaching, will also be an important initiative in the future.
I felt that this book is not only a guide for HR in their daily work but also a volume rich in strategic implications for creating the future of an organization.
