Three Communication Skills for Successful 1-on-1s: Listening, Questioning, and Recognition
1-on-1s are a valuable opportunity for managers and subordinates to engage in one-on-one dialogue, serving as a crucial tool for deepening mutual understanding, building trust, and promoting growth. To make the most of this time, effective communication skills are essential. Here, we will examine three key skills that lead to successful 1-on-1s—listening, questioning, and recognition—with detailed explanations and concrete examples.
Listening
Listening is a communication skill that involves deeply attending to what the other person is saying and trying to understand the emotions and meanings behind their words. In a 1-on-1, it is important not just to hear the words, but to grasp the thoughts and intentions embedded within them and to receive them with empathy. It is no exaggeration to say that a 1-on-1 begins with "listening"; by truly hearing what team members have to say, you can build trust and draw out their honest feelings.
Focusing on the other person
In a 1-on-1, it is more important to focus on listening to the other person than to convey your own thoughts or opinions. Strive to understand their emotions and thoughts by paying attention not only to their words but also to non-verbal information such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures. By being conscious of "focusing on the other person," you can read not just the superficial words, but the true intentions and emotions behind them.
Utilizing non-verbal skills
To show that you are focused on what the other person is saying, actively use non-verbal communication such as nodding, maintaining eye contact, and providing appropriate verbal cues. It is also important to show an attitude of being attuned to their feelings by matching their pace, such as speaking slowly or allowing for pauses. These non-verbal signs provide a sense of security and have the effect of encouraging the other person to speak more deeply.
Utilizing verbal skills
By repeating or summarizing the other person's words, you can confirm that you have understood correctly and provide them with a sense of security. Using words that reflect their emotions, such as "So you felt that..." or "Are you saying that...?", demonstrates empathy and leads to deeper understanding. By listening carefully to their words and receiving them with empathy, you can build trust and draw out their true feelings. This is what is known as "active listening."
Avoiding evaluation and judgment
In a 1-on-1, it is important to accept what the other person says as it is, rather than evaluating or judging it. Even if their opinions or ways of thinking differ from your own, first try to understand from their perspective. By showing an attitude of acceptance rather than denying them outright or forcing your own opinions on them, the other person can feel safe to share their thoughts and feelings.
Using questions effectively
It is also important to ask appropriate questions to delve deeper into what the other person is saying. However, avoid asking questions in rapid succession or adopting an interrogative attitude; always try to ask questions at the other person's pace. Questions that help the other person find their own answers are effective. We will delve deeper into questioning in the next section.
Questioning
Questioning is a communication skill used to draw out information, deepen thinking, and provide new insights. In a 1-on-1, asking questions that elicit the other person's thoughts and emotions can lead to a deeper dialogue.
Using open-ended and closed-ended questions appropriately
Open-ended questions cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no" and are effective for drawing out the other person's thoughts or opinions. Questions like "What do you think?" or "How did you feel about that?" serve as triggers for the other person to speak freely. On the other hand, closed-ended questions are useful for gathering specific information or confirming facts. Questions like "By when can you do this?" or "Who did you consult with?" are suitable for obtaining specific answers. By using both appropriately depending on the situation, you can facilitate smooth communication.
Asking questions from four perspectives
In a 1-on-1, you can deepen the conversation from multiple angles by asking questions from four perspectives: theme, future, present/past, and people.
Questions regarding the theme are useful for digging into tasks or goals. A question like "What other methods do you think there are to achieve this goal?" can be a catalyst for finding new perspectives or solutions.
Questions about the future can elicit specific actions and plans for achieving goals. Questions like, "Once you achieve this goal, what would you like to do next?" are effective in boosting a member's motivation.
Questions about the present and past provide an opportunity to reflect on past experiences and successes, and to learn from them. Questions like, "Is there anything from your past successes that you can apply to this current challenge?" will encourage a member's growth.
Questions about people can highlight issues related to interpersonal relationships and teamwork. Questions like, "Is there anything that concerns you regarding your relationship with team members?" might be a trigger for finding areas for improvement across the entire team.
Clarify the intent of your questions
Before asking a question, clarify what you want to convey to the other person through that question and what kind of reaction you want to elicit. If the intent of the question is clear, you can ask more effective questions.
For example, if you want to boost a member's motivation, a question like, "What are you looking forward to in this job?" is effective. On the other hand, if you want to encourage problem-solving, a question like, "What methods can you think of to solve this problem?" would be better.
Refine the wording of your questions
The other person's reaction will change significantly depending on the wording and phrasing of your questions. For example, rather than asking "Why couldn't you do it?", asking "How do you think you can do it better next time?" can elicit positive solutions without blaming the other person. Also, a suggestion-based approach like "How about trying to...?" is easier for the other person to accept than a definitive statement like "You should...".
Do not fear silence
After asking a question, if the other person cannot answer immediately, wait patiently through the silence. Silence can give the other person time to think deeply and can be a trigger for eliciting a more profound answer. Instead of trying to force the conversation to continue, giving the other person time to think is also important in 1-on-1s.
Recognition
Recognition is a communication skill that involves acknowledging the other person's existence and value, and providing positive feedback. In 1-on-1s, it is important not only to acknowledge the other person's actions and results, but also to recognize the effort and growth behind them and express gratitude. This is an essential element for building better relationships, as it leads to improved motivation and self-esteem for members.
Convey using "I" messages
When evaluating someone, try to convey it using an "I" message, such as "I was impressed by your...", rather than a "You" message, such as "You are amazing." "You" messages are easily perceived as containing evaluation or judgment, and some people may feel defensive. On the other hand, "I" messages are easier for the other person to accept because they are conveyed as subjective impressions, making it easier to express feelings of gratitude. Please refer to the summary below for more details on the impact of "You" messages.
Recognize from the three perspectives of results, actions, and character
It is important for recognition to look not only at results and actions, but also at the other person's character and values. For example, when a goal is achieved, acknowledge not just the result, but also the effort and ingenuity put into achieving it, and express your gratitude. By conveying the result, the process, and your own feelings about it, such as "Congratulations on achieving your goal! I think it's truly amazing that you saw it through to the end without giving up, and I was inspired by you," you can provide deeper recognition.
It is also important to look at invisible aspects, such as daily work performance and contributions to the team, and to positively evaluate the other person's character and values. By conveying specific actions and your feelings about them, such as "Thank you for always looking out for those around you. Thanks to your attentiveness, I feel the team atmosphere is very good," the other person will feel that their value is recognized, which can boost their motivation.
Convey in specific words
By conveying your message with specific episodes and actions rather than abstract words, the other person can receive your gratitude more deeply. For example, instead of just saying "Thank you for everything," by conveying specific details such as "The materials for yesterday's presentation were very easy to understand, and the client's feedback was good," the other person can realize that their actions were valued, which can boost their motivation. By conveying in specific words, the other person can become aware of their strengths and areas for improvement, which will lead to further growth.
Convey in a timely manner
It is important to provide recognition as timely as possible. By expressing gratitude immediately after good actions or results occur, you can maintain and improve the other person's motivation. Also, by actively providing recognition not only in regular 1-on-1 sessions but also during daily work, you can build better human relationships. Make it a habit to keep an eye on members' actions and results, and try to convey your appreciation as soon as you find something good.
This depicts a manager and a subordinate having a 1-on-1 meeting. The manager is listening intently, nodding while maintaining eye contact, and focusing entirely on the other person. The subordinate is speaking confidently and sharing their opinions. In the background, there are bookshelves and office decor, creating a professional yet warm environment. This scene symbolizes effective communication, highlighting a manager who listens actively and a subordinate who feels comfortable sharing their ideas. Overall, the soft, warm color palette creates a positive and supportive atmosphere.