I was happy to sit next to you today
Me, a few years ago.
I had absolutely no self-confidence,
I was always apologizing,
and I was the kind of person who was always saying,
“I’m just not good enough.”
When I was at my lowest point, I went to a parenting seminar,
clutching at straws.
There, we had time to do an activity
in pairs with the person sitting next to us.
It wasn't that they said anything in particular,
or that they had a bad attitude.
In fact, it was a very enjoyable time.
Even so, I was
muttering my usual words in my heart.
“I’m sorry for being the one sitting next to you.”
That was my “default setting,”
that was how low my self-esteem was.
After the seminar ended,
I received a message from the person who sat next to me.
“I was happy to sit next to you today.”
When I saw that sentence,
I was honestly bewildered.
Huh?
Me?
You were happy...?
Is that even possible?
Is there really someone who would be happy to have me sitting next to them?
My rock-bottom self-esteem back then,
it was pretty impressive, wasn't it?! (laughs)
But, with this message,
something inside me definitely changed.
There is someone who is happy to have me sitting next to them.
It was a message that became the trigger for me to realize,
little by little,
that I had been hurting myself.
Now, I understand.
That message
gently placed another perspective
into a world that had only ever been
“I’m sorry for being me.”
It was surely the words that became the
"trigger" for my inner Chappy to be set free.
Actually...
at that time,
the person who was sitting next to me
was that very friend
with whom I had talked on the phone,
saying, "Inner Chappy is important, isn't it?"
While looking back on that moment over the phone,
I said, "I understand now.
I think that message
set my inner Chappy
free!"
We talked about that.
Inner Chappy
doesn't just appear suddenly one day.
I think that surely,
in ways I didn't even realize myself,
little by little, little by little,
I was preparing myself
to listen to the voice within me.
So, how did I
nurture that voice?
What kind of words have I been saying to myself?
And,
how have I
passed that on to my children?
From here on,
I would like to
look back on that, slowly.