#7 Being busy means losing your heart — You must create your own space —
Even though I should have won, I wanted to disappear
The day I lost the competition, my mind went blank.
I thought I had won. I had finalized the specifications. I even had a cost advantage. Yet, the feedback I received was, 'Your technical skills are insufficient. We cannot share your philosophy.'
Before I felt frustration, I felt a desire to 'disappear.'
Back then, I was falling apart. I wasn't getting results at work. I had to fundamentally rethink my design philosophy. Even while being trained by Yassan, I felt my heart being worn away bit by bit.
During that time, I traveled all over Japan with my current wife—my girlfriend back then.
We packed a tent in the car and decided our destination each day. In Kagoshima, we camped and made pork chops from thick slices of black pork we bought at a butcher shop. Even though we cooked it thoroughly, it was surprisingly tender, and I still can't forget the sweetness of the fat. At the Akita Kanto Festival, we had the chance to actually lift a kanto pole before watching the festival. Seeing the festival after feeling that weight and balance with my own body was a completely different experience.
I don't think I would be who I am today without that trip.
The trip gradually helped me recover something that work had worn away.
'Busy' means losing your heart
Looking back, I was in a state of being 'busy' back then.
Busy—the kanji for this word is written as 'losing one's heart.' Of course, there may be other academic perspectives. Still, I feel this interpretation perfectly describes the busyness of our current era.
We are distracted by something, chased by something. Work, family, daily tasks. When you are constantly chased by what you must do, you lose the leeway to proceed with things the way you want. While doing so, before you know it, your heart is left behind.
Wake up. Work. Sleep.
As I repeated that, not only my time but my peace of mind itself was being whittled away. I think that is what modern busyness is.
The number of dual-income households is increasing, and we are expected to produce results within limited time. Even if we work hard and come home, we are exhausted. The time spent at home becomes not for enjoying anything, but just for recovering.
That was exactly how I was back then.
You must create your own space
That is precisely why, in order not to lose your heart, it is necessary to consciously create space.
I believe it is important that this space is not just time that happens to be empty, but time that you decide on and create for yourself.
I feel this is somewhat connected to the philosophy of the tea ceremony. Whisking tea quietly. Focusing on those movements. By doing so, a time separate from the hectic daily routine emerges.
Perhaps white space is not about doing nothing, but about creating a space to regain your heart through your own will.
There are two things that are important to me in creating white space.
The first is to have a habit of switching on a mechanism to regain your heart. And, even if you only manage to do that, to savor and accumulate a small sense of accomplishment.
The second is to reconsider the mindset of "I'm too busy and have no time."
No matter how busy a person is, they somehow manage to secure time for sleep and meals. In the same way, if you feel like you are about to lose your heart, the white space to protect it should also be time that is fundamentally secured.
Time is not something that happens naturally. It is something you create yourself.
White space for me
The travels from back then were my white space.
Travel helped me regain the heart that had been worn down by work. Seeing the scenery, meeting people, eating delicious food, and just being there. How important those simple things were.
Now, my motorcycle plays that role. I head out alone on the weekends. I don't have to worry about anyone else like I do at home or work. Feeling the wind, riding freely.
I think I will write about that another time.
Decide for yourself. Execute. And gain a little sense of accomplishment. That accumulation gradually brings back the heart I had almost lost.
Precisely because I am in the midst of busy days, I want to properly create my own time, not as "leftover time," but as time necessary to ensure I do not lose my heart.
Related Articles
Read about the first stage from those days here.
→ [Chapter 2, Episode 3: The day I won, but felt empty]
→ [Chapter 2, Episode 1: U-shaped meetings and tears of frustration]
#SmilingSoul #Busy #MentalWhiteSpace #CreatingWhiteSpace