Why a Mom Who Was a Picky Eater Stopped Blaming Herself

When I was raising a picky eater, I was always blaming myself.
“Is it because I’m a bad cook?”

“Did I introduce baby food the wrong way?”

“Was it wrong of me to worry too much about nutrition?”

My eldest daughter’s picky eating started around the age of 1 year and 9 months.

At its peak, it was almost exclusively:

* White rice

* Natto
* Miso soup with only tofu
* Udon noodles without toppings
Every meal took an hour.

When eating out, we only had one choice: an udon shop.

If she caught a cold, she would refuse not just food, but even water.

Every day, I was thinking only about food.

But looking back now, I feel that the most painful part wasn’t the “not eating,” but the “constant self-blame.”


I thought it was my fault because I’m not good at cooking


I am not good at cooking.
That’s why I always thought:

“Would things be different if I were a better cook?”

“Did I mess up the transition to solid foods?”

When I looked at social media, I saw colorful toddler meals.

One-plate meals packed with vegetables.
Children who ate everything.
Every time I saw that, I felt depressed.And before I knew it, I was searching for things like:

Improving picky eating.

Toddler nutrition.

Nutrients.

But the more I searched, the more painful it became.

Even though I gathered more information, my eldest daughter still wouldn’t eat.
Before I realized it, mealtimes were no longer a fun time for parent and child.



My second daughter ate everything



What changed my way of thinking was the arrival of my second daughter.

She was a child who ate everything.

Same house.

Same mom.

Similar meals.

Yet, it was completely different.
That was when I thought for the first time:

“Oh... maybe it wasn’t my fault after all.”
Of course, that didn’t mean my eldest daughter’s picky eating disappeared.

But my heart felt a little lighter.
And I realized that there are individual differences in taste.

Even adults have likes and dislikes, right?People who don’t like spicy food.People who don’t like cilantro.

Just like that, children have their own unique tastes.
I became able to think that way.

Things I stopped doing to stop blaming myself
Little by little, I stopped cornering myself.

First, I stopped searching for ways to fix picky eating.

Because the more I searched, the more I only saw “the me who isn’t doing enough.”

I also stopped calculating nutrients.

I started serving only what she would eat more often.

I checked her growth chart at the clinic and consulted with the doctor.
“There are no problems with her development.”

Those words saved me.

And after she started kindergarten, I left it to the school lunches.
Eating with peace of mind at home.

Trying new things at school.

I feel that division of roles worked for our family.
And at some point, I started thinking:

“If she takes one bite, it’s a success.”


My daughter’s face before sitting at the table



There is a scene I still can’t forget.
Before sitting at the table, my eldest daughter would first check the menu for the day.

And she would tense up her face, as if trying to judge whether she could eat it.

Back then, I was only thinking, “What can I do to make her eat?”

But now I think: the one who was struggling because she couldn’t eat was my daughter herself.
I wish I could have made her feel that eating was more fun.

I wish we could have enjoyed meals together as a family more.
Instead of focusing on my daughter’s picky menu, I wish we had eaten delicious things ourselves and shown her many times, “This is delicious!”

I sometimes think that.
To the me of those days
If I could say just one thing to myself when I was in the middle of that picky-eating phase, I would say this:

“Even if they only eat white rice, children will grow.”

And, “Trust your child, and enjoy eating yourself.”

Picky eating is something that


cannot be solved by parental effort alone



So please, don’t blame yourself too much.
The picky-eating phase is also the time when children are at their smallest and cutest.
I hope you can redirect some of the energy you spend on meals into time spent simply adoring your child.

Just by getting through today, you are doing enough.