[Article 164] How to Accept Feelings of Jealousy: From a Buddhist Perspective

[Article 164] How to Accept Feelings of Jealousy: From a Buddhist Perspective

In our interactions with others, I believe everyone has experienced "jealousy" at least once. A friend's success, a colleague's praise, one's standing in the family, or even someone's casual cheerfulness and vitality can stir up feelings of "I'm envious" or "I don't have that" within our hearts.

Jealousy is a troublesome emotion that can sometimes cause us suffering and make relationships awkward. However, from a Buddhist perspective, jealousy is not something that should be erased because it is "bad," but rather can be understood as one of the defilements that humans naturally possess.

1. Jealousy is a natural emotion

In Buddhism, it is taught that humans are "bonno gusoku no bonpu," meaning beings filled with defilements. Anger, desire, and jealousy are all workings of the heart that naturally arise as we live our lives.

If you blame yourself, thinking, "It's wrong of me to feel jealous," your suffering will only deepen. It could be said that the first Buddhist step is to acknowledge, "Feeling jealous is simply who I am."

2. What jealousy teaches us

Deep down, feelings of jealousy are an expression of our wishes, such as "I want to be like that too" or "This is how I truly want to be." For example, when you feel jealous of someone else's hard work or cheerfulness, hidden beneath that are honest feelings like "I want to live energetically too" or "I want to be recognized."

In other words, jealousy is also a sign that makes us aware of our own desires and the parts of ourselves that we feel are lacking.

3. From a "comparing heart" to an "illuminating heart"

Jealousy begins when we compare ourselves to others. We cannot stop the heart from comparing. However, Buddhist wisdom shows us a path to utilize that heart as something that "illuminates."

For example, when you look at the fact that "I cannot help but compare myself to others" while illuminated by the light of Amida Buddha, you can accept that there is "great compassion that seeks to save even such a self as me."

Rather than trying to eliminate the heart that compares, we present "the me who compares" just as I am before the Buddha. I believe this is the practical Buddhist way of accepting it.

4. Practical ways to soothe jealousy

From a Buddhist perspective, rather than suppressing jealousy, the following practices are recommended:

• Zuiki (Rejoicing): The heart that receives another's joy as one's own. Even just saying "I'm happy for you" can gradually change your heart.

• Reflecting on your own journey: Instead of comparing yourself to others, by comparing yourself to "the you of yesterday" or "the you of the past," you can notice small growth.

• Chanting Namu Amida Butsu: Entrust your heart, which is shaken by jealousy, just as it is into the chanting of the name. It is important not to purify the emotion, but to entrust it.

5. Conclusion

Jealousy is a natural human emotion and cannot be erased. However, Buddhism teaches us not to deny that feeling, but to accept it as a 'trigger for awareness'.

When you feel envious of someone, try pausing for a moment and thinking, 'This is a mirror reflecting my own desires.' Then, entrust that feeling just as it is to the Buddha. In that journey, perhaps there lies a path where we, who suffer from constant comparison with others, can gradually be set free.

Today, too, I would like to live honestly and kindly with the human heart.