Speak gently and persuade
For you and me, who want to improve our interpersonal skills, I will share what I have learned from this book little by little.
I hope this will be of some help to you and me, who are struggling with human relationships.
In this book, methods for improving interpersonal skills are
summarized into 30 principles.
1. 3 Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
2. 6 Ways to Make People Like You
3. 12 Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking (← This article is here)
4. 9 Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
This article will cover the fourth of the "
12 Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking" principles.
This principle is useful when someone is about to complain to you, or when you want to speak your mind to someone—in other words, when you are about to get into an argument with someone.
For you and me, who want to avoid arguments and solve problems.
Let's take a look right away.
1. You cannot win an argument
When you are angry, it might feel good to give the other person a piece of your mind. But does the person being attacked feel the same way? Will they be happy to do what you want after being attacked in an argumentative manner?
The answer is, of course, NO.
Hostility toward you will remain, and no matter how much you try to persuade them, there is no way they will listen to what you have to say.
So, what should you have done instead?
That is, of course, as the theme of this chapter suggests,
speak gently
and that is all there is to it.
By speaking gently and in a friendly manner, you can create a change in the other person's heart.
A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall
Rather than showering someone with strong, aggressive words in an attempt to persuade them, it is more effective to be open-minded, speak gently, and address the other person with words filled with kindness and friendship.
2. You cannot force people to follow your opinions
Do you remember the story of the sun and the north wind competing to see who could make a traveler take off their coat?
The north wind tried to blow the traveler's coat off with great force, but the traveler only wrapped it more tightly around themselves.
On the other hand, the sun, through its gentleness and warmth, warmed the traveler's body and heart, successfully getting them to take off the coat.
A person's heart cannot be changed by force.
You should keep in mind that people do not want to change their minds. You cannot force people to follow your opinions. However, if you discuss things with a gentle and open attitude, you can change the other person's mind.
Summary | Speak gently and try to solve problems
In this article, I introduced principles for persuading people from
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, translated by Hiroshi Yamaguchi, Sogensha, Part 3, Chapter 4
.
When you are about to get into an argument with someone, try to solve the problem by speaking gently.
If both parties become aggressive and the argument heats up, it becomes difficult to persuade the other person.
This is because you cannot force someone to change their feelings.
Based on "speaking gently," combine the skills learned so far:
・Avoiding arguments is the gateway to persuasion
・To persuade people, do not point out mistakes, and show respect!
・Admit your own mistakes willingly
If you combine these skills, success is guaranteed!
The secret to persuading people. "Speak gently".
End
Thank you for reading until the end.
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