9 Years of Sending My 3 Sons to a Montessori Nursery: How They Actually Changed [Series Part 1]
9 years of sending my 3 sons to a Montessori nursery. There were 3 strengths that all three of them developed in common. They are as follows.
These are the three.
Doing things for themselves
Not letting their own pace be disrupted
Naturally taking care of younger children
Conversely, there are also things that did not develop as much as I had expected. I will write about those honestly in the second half of this article.
I have been sending all three of my sons (aged 9, 6, and 2) to the same Montessori nursery. It has been 9 years since my eldest son first enrolled at age 0.
“What is Montessori actually like?” “Do children really change?” “What is it like to send three children there?”
I will be writing about these realistic observation records in a series of over 10 articles starting now.
Today, as Part 1: The Big Picture, I will write about what I have seen over these 9 years.
Why I chose Montessori for all three of them
First, I will write about the reasons why I chose it.
My reason for choosing a Montessori nursery was simple.
Because I wanted to teach them to “do things for themselves” through their environment.
I have worked in sales for 14 years and have seen plenty of differences between people who get results and those who don't. Everyone who gets results takes responsibility for their own actions. Conversely, those who don't get results always blame someone else.
I have always thought that this is determined by the environment from early childhood.
Children raised with the assumption that things will be “done for them” wait for someone else to do things for them even when they become adults. Children raised with the assumption that they will “do things themselves” can take action on their own even as adults.
Montessori education is an education that builds up the feeling of “I did it myself” through the environment. A 3-year-old cuts vegetables by themselves. They put on their shoes by themselves. They carry their own cups. There is an environment within the nursery where they are “allowed to do” all of these things.
I thought, this is it.
The 3 strengths that developed in common, seen over 9 years
My three sons have completely different personalities: a laid-back eldest, a stubborn middle child, and a mischievous youngest.
Even so, there was a strength that grew in all three of them alike.
1. Doing things for themselves
This is the strength that has grown the most visibly.
I will write about one symbolic scene.
My two-year-old youngest son takes off his own clothes, puts them in the washing machine, and heads into the bath.
I saw this happen naturally one day while I was watching casually. When I said, "It's time for a bath," he took off his clothes in the living room, carried them to the washing machine himself, tossed them in, and headed toward the bathroom.
He was only two. No one at home taught him to do that.
This is the reality for children attending a Montessori preschool.
To be specific, by the time my three sons were turning three, they were doing all of the following by themselves
Morning dressing (choosing their own underwear, socks, and clothes)
Preparation and cleanup before and after meals (carrying placemats and cups)
Replacing the contents of their preschool bag
Carrying dishes to the sink
Putting a handkerchief in their pocket
Since we were able to keep "doing things for them" at almost zero both at preschool and at home, the habit of expecting things to be done for them never developed.
The eldest son, in particular, became a child who doesn't say "Dad, do this for me". Now at nine, he does everything himself, from homework to morning preparations. The only time I intervene is when he asks me, "What should I do about this?"
2. Not letting their own pace be disrupted
This was an unexpected harvest.
Montessori education values time spent focusing on "what one is interested in right now." It doesn't matter if other children are doing something else. "What I am doing right now" is the top priority.
As a result of repeating this for three years, all three of them became 'children who are not swayed by the pace of others'.
My second son (6 years old) is particularly notable.
I will write about a specific situation regarding this as well.
On the day of the nursery school class observation, there was a drawing session.
At the signal, most of the children looked around to check what the child next to them was drawing and how they were starting. That's understandable, of course; their parents were watching, and they were nervous.
But, my second son was different. The moment the signal was given, without looking at anyone, he immediately faced his drawing paper and started drawing at his own pace. By the time the children around him had settled down, my second son had already finished about half of his drawing.
Seeing that, I thought, 'Ah, this kid is truly living at his own pace.'
Honestly, as a parent, this is the most exhausting trait. Even at home, he won't wear pants other than the ones he has decided on. Playing takes priority over taking a bath, and even if we say 'Hurry up!', he won't move.
However, in the long run, it is certain that he will grow into a child with a strong sense of self. In the coming era, adults who can live by their own standards are stronger than adults who lose themselves by worrying about what others think, because adults who can live by their own standards are stronger.
③ Naturally taking care of younger children
Montessori nursery schools are based on mixed-age classes (vertical grouping). Children aged 3 to 6 spend time in the same room.
This creates a habit of taking care of other children.
Among the three brothers, this is clearly visible in daily life.
When we are getting ready to go out, my second son (6 years old) puts the shoes on my third son (2 years old) without being told. My wife and I have never once asked him to do it. Before we know it, he is crouching in the entryway, fastening the Velcro on my third son's sneakers.
During bath time at night, my eldest son (9 years old) gives my third son a bath. He washes his hair, washes his body, and plays with him in the tub. Of course, he doesn't do it every time, but he does it quite often just by us saying, 'Could you please?'
You might think that's natural because they are three brothers. But when I ask fathers of 'three brothers or three sisters' around me, it seems that's not necessarily the case. There are plenty of families where the older siblings say, 'I don't know,' and don't get involved.
Both my eldest and second sons are naturally kind to younger children. I believe this is the experience gained from three years of 'teaching younger children' in a mixed-age environment.
Three things that didn't develop as much as I expected
I will write honestly from here on. There is absolutely no such thing as 'everything will go well if you raise them with Montessori'.
There are three things that I feel 'did not develop as much as I expected'.
1. Resilience to conflicts with friends
This is a side effect of having a stronger sense of self.
None of my 3 sons have strong skills in compromising when they clash with others. My second son, in particular, has a tendency to be unable to yield once he has made up his mind. When "not breaking his own pace" manifests negatively, it becomes "not adapting to others."
This is an area where we need to consciously maintain balance at home.
2. Competitive spirit
Montessori thoroughly emphasizes "not comparing yourself to others." This in itself is wonderful, but it might be unsatisfying for children who thrive on competition.
My eldest son is not very interested in competition, so it wasn't a problem. However, for children who love winning and losing, they might need a different kind of stimulation.
3. The ability to "do as told"
This is a point that divides opinion, but I will write about it.
While children raised in Montessori have a strong sense of "thinking and acting for themselves," they tend to struggle with "doing exactly as they are told."
I felt this clearly while watching my eldest son. When he entered elementary school, in situations where he was required to act according to instructions, he was a bit confused at first.
However, I believe this is not a negative but a characteristic. In the coming era, adults who can think and act for themselves are stronger than those who can only do as they are told.
Summary of 9 years of observational data
I will organize the content so far in a table.
Area | Developed Skills | Undeveloped Aspects | Daily Habits | Ability to do things yourself | (None in particular) | Concentration | Ability to maintain your own pace | Ability to adapt to others | Human Relationships | Kindness to younger children | Compromising during conflicts | Learning Method | Ability to think for yourself | Ability to act as told
What I think about Montessori after 9 years
I will write this honestly.
Montessori is not a panacea.
However, as a foundation for raising an "autonomous human being", I know of no better environment.
I have worked in sales for 14 years and have seen a massive number of salarymen in the world. "Adults who only do what they are told" will have a really tough time in the coming era. In an age where AI is entering the picture, only "people who can think and act for themselves" will remain.
For my three sons, I want them to become adults who can create their own lives, rather than just getting by as salarymen. Looking back after 9 years, I can say that my decision to choose a Montessori preschool as the foundation for that was the right one.
What I will write about in this series
Starting with this article, I will be writing a series of over 10 articles.
Changes in my eldest, second, and third sons(Individual articles)
Changes from 0-3 years old, 3-6 years old, and after entering elementary school(By age)
What the teacher told me during the 'first-grade wall'(High search demand)
Daily habits, relationships with others, and ways of learning(By theme)
Deeper stories about 'not growing up as expected'
Practical applications at home that you can do without attending a preschool
I hope this serves as a reference for moms and dads who are curious about Montessori and wondering what it's really like.
Summary
9 years of sending 3 brothers to a Montessori preschool
Three common strengths developed: doing things for themselves, maintaining their own pace, and being kind to younger children
A 2-year-old taking off their own clothes and putting them in the laundry, a 6-year-old putting shoes on their younger brother, a 9-year-old giving a bath
Three things that didn't develop as much as expected: resilience to conflict, competitive spirit, and the ability to follow instructions
Even so, after 9 years, it's an educational environment I can say I'm glad I chose
It's not a cure-all, but it's the strongest foundation for raising 'autonomous individuals'
I will answer the question 'What is Montessori really like?' for moms and dads in the next 10+ articles.
Thank you for reading to the end. In the next part of this series, I will write in detail about how my eldest son (9 years old) has grown over 9 years.
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Haruki | 3-Brother Dad's Communication Lab 14 years in sales and a father of 3 boys. With the theme of "Fathers as leaders guiding their families," I share tips on how to communicate at home.