[4-Year-Old Parenting Diary] 4-Year-Old Parenting Worries: Mom and Dad Hold a Strategy Meeting

"How do we deal with 4-year-old parenting worries?"
Prioritizing play, procrastination, the bedtime struggle...
With the 9-day New Year's holiday approaching,
Mom and Dad decided to hold a "strategy meeting"
at our house.

I will record our own trial and error.
I hope those who share the same worries
can relate to this.

Hello!
I'm Haruaki Papa.

The other day, I wrote an article about my worries
regarding raising our 4-year-old eldest daughter.

In that article, I wrote about the reality
we are currently facing, where "play always
takes priority, and things that need to be done
get pushed to the back burner."

Including that, there are several things we are
currently worried about regarding our eldest daughter,
wondering, "How should we handle this?"

Yesterday, her nursery school started its New Year's break,
giving us 9 days off until school starts again.
Depending on how we spend this holiday at home
as a family, maybe we can improve the situation
even just a little—.

With that thought in mind, Mom and Dad
held a strategy meeting the other day.

I will write about the detailed content and deeper insights
once we start seeing results, but today,
~Strategy Meeting: Implementation Edition~I would like to share just a little bitof what we discussed.

◼️ Meeting location: "Meet at Mister Donut"

Currently, both Mom and I are on
childcare leave for our second daughter.
The time our eldest daughter is at nursery school
during the day is our chance for a strategy meeting.

We could have talked at home, but
・I'd be worried about housework
・We'd end up doing other things
I could easily imagine that future (lol),
so we decided to change the location this time.

We chose "Mister Donut" 🍩.

……No, to be honest, it was to
pick up our lucky bag. Lol

But being able to talk outside was a nice change of pace,
and it turned out to be a very good choice.

◼️ Agenda: Current worries regarding our eldest daughter

Here is what Mom and I organized
as "things we are currently struggling with."

○ Bathing, brushing teeth, tidying up, and using the toilet get pushed back

"Let's take a bath when this play is over"
"Let's go to the toilet when this TV show is over"

She says "Okay!" on the spot,
but when the time actually comes—

"I won't," "I'm not going," "Later"

Breaking promises and putting things off has started...

I understand the feeling of not wanting to do it, but...

○ Not taking naps on weekends

On weekdays, they nap for about 1 to 1.5 hours at daycare,
but on weekends, they won't sleep at all.

As a result,
・They fuss when they don't want to nap
・They get exhausted and fall asleep

This tends to be the pattern, and on days without a nap,
the time after the evening becomes
full of tantrums and grumpiness...

Our honest wish as parents is for them to refresh
with a nap.

○ It takes up to two hours to get them to sleep at night

Because of short-hour childcare,
・No lessons → Bedroom at 8:00 PM
・With lessons → Bedroom at 8:30 PM

We operate on this schedule.

We read picture books for about 30 minutes,
and when the timer turns off the lights, it's "the end".

……However,
the real challenge starts after the lights go out.

From there, it takes about 1 to 1.5 hours
until they fall asleep.

Since I also have to breastfeed and put our 0-year-old second daughter to sleep,
there are many days when I drag my body
to return to chores after dealing with our eldest daughter...

I can't help but think... if only they would fall asleep a little earlier.

○ Having to repeat the same warnings over and over

I warn them, "Please face forward while eating," and
a few minutes after they say "Okay" and fix it, they are sideways again.

When I ask, "What did Mom and Dad just say?" they reply,
"I forgot" or "I wasn't listening."

Even if it's inevitable that they won't fix it immediately,
I'm worried about how we should approach this.

◼️ Discussion Results: How our family will spend the year-end and New Year holidays

After organizing these concerns, we also
asked for help from "Chappy-kun," also known as ChatGPT.
We shared our eldest daughter's personality and usual behavior,

and requested suggestions for how to handle things.
With the outputted ideas,

donuts, and cafe au lait lined up on the table,
we began our discussion.

Incidentally, our auditor, our second daughter, was fast
asleep during her nap. 💤 lol

As a result of our discussion, we decided to try the following policy
for this nine-day holiday.

○ Try going without a nap as a test

Since we have more time during the holidays,
we decided to take the plunge and try eliminating naps.

Instead, we will operate with
an "earlier bedtime" as a setas per the following item.

We set a deadline for judgment,
trying it for a few days in December,
・If things fall apart in the evening → Stop・If it seems fine → Continue after the new year

and decided to evaluate it then.

○ Fix and strictly adhere to bedroom entry and lights-out times

To make up for the sleep lost by not napping,
we will move bedtime earlier than before.
We will fix this time and not shift it.

Since we don't have any major plans for this year-end and New Year,
it seems we can do this without much trouble.

○ Re-introduction of the "Preparation Board"

To "visualize" what needs to be done next,
we are introducing a "Preparation Board."

・Morning to noon
・Noon to after snack time
・After snack time to bedtime

We will update the day's flow in these three segments.

Actually, we introduced this before and it was effective at the time.
It faded out before we knew it,
but this time we are trying again
as a "holiday-only version."

Also,
if she whines asking to put things off,

• we will not grant the request itself

• But we will empathize with the 'feeling of not wanting to do it'

We decided to stick to this stance and ensure that mom and dad respond consistently.
We will be thorough about it.

○ Discipline should be 'patient' and 'matter-of-fact'

Forgetting what they were told immediately is natural at this age.
Accepting that, we will value:

・Not getting emotional
・Conveying things calmly, over and over again

We will prioritize these.

Instead of saying 'Why are you doing this when I've told you so many times!', we will repeat,
'Please don't do this' or 'Let's stop doing this.'

……Good luck to us. lol

◼️ This long weekend is a 'test run period'

We started the above approach yesterday.
So far, there has been no major chaos,
and it's off to a decent start ☺️

We will use this long weekend as a 'test run period' to determine:
・If it suits our eldest daughter
・If it is sustainable for our family

We want to assess these things.

Because there is no point if the family ends up feeling exhausted. 😅

◼️ Conclusion

It will be a while before we see results, but the best part was

'being able to have a strategy meeting as mom and dad' that was it.

Instead of assuming 'this is just how parenting is,' we were able to share each other's thoughts.

We were able to incorporate 'Chappy-kun's' opinion as a third-party perspective,
and make positive adjustments.

Also, being able to talk in a different location was a good change of pace, I think.

……After all, you can get free refills on cafe au lait at Mister Donut.
😁 lol

What I wrote this time is just one example from our home.
But I felt once again that the most important thing is
for parents to face the same challenges together.

I would like to look back on the results of this approach,
and have a lively discussion about whether to continue or adjust it.

I hope to write a follow-up on the results someday.
Though it would be embarrassing if it doesn't turn out as planned. Haha.

Thank you so much for reading this far!