From Starting to Draw to Being Made to Draw

I woke up at 5:00 AM again today and started coloring.

Hello. This is KIRI.

I've started coloring.

The line art is finished, and the coloring has begun.

Even though I hit a slump in the middle of the line art,
it was still just a fun time.

But coloring (with colored pencils) feels like a different kind of time.

I feel like I'm drawing the illustration myself, but
once I start coloring, it suddenly becomes the realm of the divine.

I decide on rough images like red tones or blue tones, but
since I can't color exactly as I imagine, it becomes a game of chance at that moment.

It's never decided by just one color, of course, so
I layer several colored pencils,
and the way colors layer is infinite,
so it's almost impossible to memorize those patterns,
and I encounter new colors every time I paint.

Sometimes it turns into an unexpectedly good color,
and sometimes it turns into a color that makes me think, 'No way, this isn't it.'

For the colors I don't like, I change them and repaint them,
and in the end, it becomes a color I'm satisfied with, but
since it's not a color I produced through my own control,
it feels very strange.

It's like it's my drawing, but it's not my drawing.

I get the feeling that I'm being made to draw by someone,
or that I'm being guided by something.

I'm coloring with the help of the universe.

I am drawing because I like to, but
I wonder if I'm being allowed to draw
with the help of something other than myself, like the hand of the universe.

I like spiritual things, so
I end up using expressions like that,
but since I don't actually have someone else's hand helping me,
yet it feels like I'm not drawing it myself,
there's no other way to put it.

When I can't seem to draw, it's usually when I don't believe in my own power,
but

I've started to feel that thinking I should try to finish drawing by my own strength alone
is an arrogant thought to begin with.

I'll use my own hands, but
I feel like I should draw more easily
with the feeling of borrowing the power of the universe.

Once I thought that,
the pressure to draw
might have faded a little.

(Since I'm being paid to draw this time,
there is, well, some pressure.)

That said,
looking at the style of the pictures I've drawn so far,
they are somewhat similar,
and when I think about that, I guess it really is my own unique color palette,
I think.

Whatever it is, it's fun in the end.

Either way,
even coloring that doesn't go as planned
is still fun.

Rather than agonizing over not drawing,
drawing even while struggling
is many times more fun.

Before, a friend

"I love drawing, but I can't draw, so..."

or something like that, they said,

but I couldn't help but think in my heart, if you really love it, you should just practice.

I wasn't able to draw as I wanted since I was a child either.
I was just plain bad at it.

But,
I wanted to draw the pictures I imagined,
so I kept drawing.

There were times I didn't draw,
but I still kept drawing.

I don't think people who truly love art
quit based on whether they are good at it or not.

If you can't draw well,
you just need to take lessons or practice.

Initial skill is trivial,
and improvement comes after you keep doing it.

Even if there is some difference at the start,
in the end, the ones who keep drawing are the ones who remain.

I'll keep that in mind.

Next, I'll paint the bustier and the skirt part.