[Episode 3] The Day I Felt Lost as a Mother | Until I Went for Child Development Counseling | A Step Taken While Still Uncertain

I am glad that I sought advice regarding my child's development.
By taking that step forward back then, I began to see, little by little, how to interact with my child.

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I have never been confident in my interactions with others.
Even now, I have a habit of second-guessing whether I did the right thing.
My home environment growing up was certainly not a secure one.
Every night, my parents would drink, and there were constant arguments about my late brother.

Screens would be torn, ashtrays would go flying—
Home was not a place where I could feel at ease.

Perhaps because of that influence,
I became an adult without ever knowing the "correct way" to interact with people.

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Even after I got married and had a child, my anxiety did not disappear.

My child was restless.
Living in an unfamiliar place.
My parents' divorce.
Trouble with neighbors.

With so many events piling up,
honestly, I didn't have the emotional capacity to truly enjoy raising my child.

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At the one-and-a-half-year checkup,
I made up my mind to request an individual consultation.

"I don't know if things can go on like this."

With that feeling, I started going to the health center.

The assigned specialist carefully taught me how to interact with my child in preparation for kindergarten.
Furthermore, a simple developmental check by a pediatrician was proposed, and the three of us—my husband, my child, and I—went to get the examination.

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To be honest—
I was very scared.

"What if they tell me something?"
That anxiety wouldn't leave my mind.

But at the same time,
I feared that if I continued to spend my days without knowing anything,
my child might find life difficult.

That fear was there, too.

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I myself, as a child,
do not have memories of being sufficiently supported emotionally.

Because of that—
I wanted to be a mother who could properly support this child.

Even if it was scary to know the reality,
if it meant moving forward, I would accept it.
That is what I thought.

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However, at that moment—

when asked, "Would you like to get a diagnosis?",
my husband refused.

My husband had experience in the past supporting people with disabilities,
and he believed that "our child is fine."

Though I was hesitant,
I couldn't push any further at that time.

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Even so, after entering kindergarten, troubles continued,
and I ended up consulting the health center again.

That was when I was introduced to the Educational Consultation Center.

It is not a medical institution,
but a place where you can specifically learn about a child's "strengths and weaknesses" through developmental testing.

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I was able to get an appointment sooner than I had expected.
However, since appointments were only available on weekdays, my child missed kindergarten.

The test took about an hour.
After that, we spent the hour waiting for the results by eating out.

Then, the explanation of the results took about 30 minutes.

Since I was told that no documents would be left behind,
I took notes frantically so I wouldn't miss anything.

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By finding the courage to seek advice back then,
the "anxiety of not knowing" changed slightly into the "peace of mind of understanding."

It doesn't have to be perfect.
There is meaning in facing things, even while feeling lost.

Now, I am able to think that way.

👉Episode 4
The Day I Felt Lost as a Mother | That Day, I Hurt Them with My Words

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