[Episode 1] The Day I Felt Lost as a Mother | The Day My Gift Was Refused

"Why can't my child interact well with friends?"

There was a day when I thought exactly that.

Born early in the year, my child was a bit younger than their peers and had strong preferences.

Even before they started preschool, I was constantly worried about whether they would fit in.

The day of the entrance ceremony.

Perhaps because they were so anxious, my child was the only one still holding their favorite blanket in their mouth.

I couldn't bring myself to watch the video I took of that moment later, so I deleted it.

Even after starting preschool, the days remained unsettled.

Every day, I was braced for the possibility that a teacher might stop me.

While the other moms naturally hit it off, I would just offer a smile and a greeting before leaving.

That was my daily routine.

In the midst of that, one mom reached out to me.

She was a striking person with a gentle smile. She seemed to have an older child, and she carried herself with a certain ease.

She casually reached out to me when I was completely lost.

That time was a small salvation for me.

But—

That sense of security changed completely after one incident.

My child scratched the area under that mother's child's eye.

My mind went completely blank.

Looking back, there had been a series of troubles before that.

There were times my child was bitten, and times my child scratched others, leaving marks.

Why does this keep happening? Why can't my child interact well with others?

I went to apologize and offered a box of sweets.

But—they wouldn't accept it.

Even though they said, "It's mutual," with their words, that distance felt even more painful.

A few days later, I told a mom friend I'd known for a long time about this.

She said this to me:

"If they didn't accept it, I think it means they haven't forgiven you."

With those words, the anxiety I had buried deep in my chest spread all at once.

Perhaps what I really wanted them to accept that day wasn't the sweets,

but the reassurance of being told, "It's okay."

—

After this, I would struggle even more deeply.

On the day of the parent-teacher meeting,
my feelings finally overflowed.

I will write about that day in the next article.

—

👉Episode 2 The Day I Felt Lost as a Mother: The Day I Reached My Limit at the Parent-Teacher Meeting

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