The flip side of the medal called 'I want Mommy!'. Is it proof of love, or a heavy curse?

Our walls at home are covered with letters and drawings from our children.
Among them, one stands out in particular—a piece written when my eldest daughter had just learned to write.
The A4 paper is filled from edge to edge with my name written over and over again: 'Ai, Ai, Ai, Ai... (pseudonym)'.
When my husband saw this at the time, he squinted his eyes, reported it to me happily, and hung it in the most prominent spot.

But back then, I just couldn't feel happy about it.
Because my daughter's straightforward, pure affection felt very, very heavy to me at that moment.

When I picked up Kazu Matsui's book 'I Want Mommy!', that scene was the first thing that came to mind.
▼ Click here for the link
https://amzn.asia/d/0dZ2EaB7

The weight of being someone's 'entire world'

This book describes how absolute a mother is to infants and toddlers from 0 to 3 years old.
Through the voices of childcare workers on the front lines, it speaks of the shadows that early maternal separation casts on children's hearts.
Current childcare policy promotes long hours of daycare as if to say, 'Drop them off early and go to work,' but it raises a poignant question: is the 'attachment formation' of these children really okay?

Honestly, I couldn't help but agree with the content of the book.
From a neuroscience perspective, physical contact during this period is essential for the secretion of oxytocin, which stabilizes emotions.

But as I read on, I felt a tightness in my chest, just like when I saw that paper filled with the word 'Ai'.

The words 'I want Mommy!' are the greatest medal a mother can receive.
However,when you are confronted with those words while having no escape in society, I felt like they turned into a curse that binds you.I felt that way.

The 'duality' revealed by sociology and neuroscience

Why is it so painful? I tried to unravel the reasons in my own way.

From a sociological perspective, the 'myth of the first three years' still remains deeply rooted in Japan, albeit in a different form.
I also feel that the phrase 'It has to be Mommy' is sometimes used as a scapegoat to push the entire responsibility of child-rearing onto one person, implying 'therefore, the mother should raise them properly.'

On the other hand, the 'importance of the mother' advocated by pedagogy and neuroscience should never be interpreted as a demand for 'the mother's self-sacrifice alone'.
A child asking for 'Mommy!' is a biological survival instinct and an expression of pure attachment.
That in itself is a very precious 'medal'.

However, at least in my past,
I did not have the 'mental space' to accept that pure desire.

For us who are cornered, to look forward

I want to be with my child, but I can't make ends meet unless I work.
Or, my heart is screaming from the loneliness and responsibility of facing my child 24 hours a day.

If you are currently feeling that your child's love is 'heavy,' just as I once did,
it is not because you are a cold person, but rather,
I believe it is proof that you are fighting all alone to sincerely fulfill the heavy responsibility of being 'Mommy'.

So, what can we do to find our smiles again?

First, try creating a little 'space'

That voice crying out 'I want Mommy!'
is proof that the love we have poured into them has reached them properly.
Try to be just a little proud of that medal.

And why not try handing that burden over to someone next to you from time to time?

For a few hours on my days off, I ask my husband to take care of the children so I can have time to spend alone at a cafe.
There are also days when I decide, 'I won't try hard today,' and rely on pre-packaged foods.

At first, I thought, 'If I do this, I'm a failure as a mother,' or 'My husband and children will surely blame me.'
But my husband seems very happy to have our lovely daughters all to himself, and
the children actually seem to enjoy the retort curry or instant ramen even more.

I realized that preparing a small 'escape' for myself
brings smiles to both me and my family as a result.

A mother might be the 'entire world' to a young child.
But a mother does not need to overextend herself to maintain that world.
It is okay to allow yourself to escape from that.

Now that I have learned to cherish myself,
for me, the word 'Ai' on the wall
is no longer pressure to be a good mother,
but a medal to praise myself.

◆ Today's brief prescription
'I want Mommy!' is the highest honor.
But sometimes, it's okay to take it off.