Who was that kindness really for?

Fortune Sherpa's Observation Notebook | Destiny Design Lab

Introduction

I put some change into a donation box at the convenience store checkout.

It felt better than I expected.

After that, as I left the store and walked a little way, I suddenly realized that an unfamiliar feeling was sprouting inside me.

Seeing a young person fiddling with their smartphone while waiting for the traffic light, I found myself thinking somewhere in my heart, 'I wonder if that kid has ever donated anything.'

No. Rather than just thinking it, I was slightly looking down on them.

Wait. Is this the kind of person I am?

The coin was only a hundred yen. The time was only three seconds.

Yet, that three-second good deed had generated something like a right to judge others inside me for the next few minutes.

This is an event that quietly happens in everyone's daily life. In fact, it is the moment when one of the very earnest mechanisms our brains use to protect ourselves in a roundabout way shows its face.

Today, I would like to open my notebook and think a little about that habit.

Because I feel that by doing so, the true outline of the phrase 'what we can do for the future' will become a little clearer.

1. Why do we become a little careless after doing a 'good deed'?

Have you ever had an experience like this?

• Eco-bag At a convenience store on a day I brought my own bag, for some reason, I put plastic-wrapped snacks from the checkout counter into my basket more casually than usual.

• Diet drink Because I ordered a diet drink, I took one extra serving of fries.

• Morning meditation On the evening of a day I meditated in the morning, for some reason, I chose a sloppy meal.

• Donation After making a donation, I quietly looked down a little on those who didn't donate.

Each one is a small, almost laughable event.

However, there is a single thread running through all of these.

Psychology has given this thread a somewhat old-fashioned name.

Moral licensing.

If translated into Japanese, it might be the "good deed license" effect.

The feeling that "I did a good thing" somehow issues a permit to the me of the next few minutes or hours that says, "It's okay to slack off a little." It seems our brains are secretly performing these small accounting tasks without us even realizing it.

2. There is a secret household account book in our hearts

Psychologists have broken down this phenomenon and explained it using two mechanisms.

① Moral credentials

The first is a good deed as "credentials."

"I am a person who can donate properly." "I am a person who can be eco-conscious." "I am a person who can meditate."

A certificate like "I am a person who can do X" is quietly tucked into the breast pocket of our hearts.

And even if we make a somewhat sloppy choice afterward, the brain automatically adds a note saying, "Since I am fundamentally a good person, this level of deviation won't shake my evaluation."

② Moral balance

The other is a good deed as a "balance."

We make a positive entry for a good deed in our mental account book. Then, the brain starts calculating, "Since my savings increased today, even if I withdraw a little, I'm still in the positive."

In other words, we treat "goodness" like currency.

This is not a story about people with weak willpower. It is not a story about serious people, nor is it about dishonest people.

It is an automatic process that the human brain is inherently equipped with.

I think it is, in a sense, a kind and diligent function that secretly offsets good deeds with minor deviations to keep us in the position of being a "decent person."

However, this function quietly gradually diminishes what we can do for our future.

3. "For the sake of the future" has somehow become "my own indulgence"

This is what I wanted to think about most today.

We often use the phrase "things we can do for the future."

• Carry a reusable bottle for the sake of the Earth.

• Make a donation for the sake of someone else.

• Wake up early for the sake of my own future.

• Study for a certification for the sake of my family's future.

All of these are beautiful. They are beautiful actions.

However, after performing these actions, there is a possibility that a quiet accounting process begins in our brains.

"For the sake of the future" is the moment it is swapped for a certificate to forgive the me of today.

And, what is even harder to overlook is that this indulgence can also be directed at others.

• "I brought a reusable bag. That person didn't."

• "I made a donation. That person didn't."

• "I woke up early. That person overslept."

That gaze from earlier, in front of the convenience store.

I, who have executed "things I can do for the future," am looking down a little on "others who cannot do things for the future."

At that moment, the one moving furthest away from the future is probably not the other person, but myself.

4. "I am a good person" and "I have moved closer to my goal" seem similar, but are completely different.

So, what should we do?

The quietest prescription in psychology is a single shift in perspective.

After doing a good deed, a voice like this often rings in many people's hearts.

There is nothing wrong with this voice. However, this voice secretly invites the next sentence: “So, it’s okay to rest a little.”

So, try rephrasing it like this.

The subject is the same, and the action is the same. On the other hand, the meaning changes.

The former is a title directed toward the past. The latter is a stride directed toward the future.

The former concludes right there. The latter gently requests the next step.

This is the one single re-evaluation that psychology calls “reframing.” It means re-receiving a good deed not as a moral point, but as a commitment (a promise to oneself).

You should cherish the feeling of wanting to tell yourself, “You are a good person,” after putting in some spare change.

On top of that, add one more thing quietly afterward.

“You have reached out one more step toward the future you want to cherish.”

With just this, that slightly unpleasant gaze in front of the convenience store will probably not arise.

This is because someone who has moved closer to their goal has no time to judge others in the first place.

Here, one small realization is born: that a good deed is not a title, but a direction.

5. A slightly different definition of “what you can do for the future”

Having written this far, there is something I think about.

On the theme of “what you can do for the future,” I feel I have been looking much more at the small tremors occurring in my own heart each time than at increasing my list of actions.

That nameless sensation after doing something good—the one that feels a little proud and a little restless.

I think I am opening this notebook because I want to confirm its true nature.

And as I write this article, I feel the definition changing, just a little.

What we can do for the future is, perhaps, a practice that includes not just 'what to do,' but also 'how to handle one's own heart afterward.' of things.

• After doing a good deed, do not use its afterimage to judge others.

• After doing a good deed, do not use its balance to buy yourself slack.

• Accept a good deed not as a title of 'I am good,' but as a direction of 'I am heading here.'

Only when we can do this, I believe, will each of our small actions reach straight into the future.

6. In conclusion, within the margins

Today, I will not narrow the answer down to just one.

I just want to quietly remember that version of myself who, for those three seconds in front of the convenience store, was looking down on someone from a slightly higher position.

You don't have to blame yourself. You don't have to feel ashamed.

Just remember it. That alone means that the next time you reach for the donation box, that 100 yen will likely be a 100 yen that reaches a little further than it did before.

What we can do for the future is surely not something big or flashy, but rather the accumulation of such modest realizations.

The coffee has gone cold now. Still, thank you for reading this far.

Let's meet again in this 'Destiny Design Lab' notebook.

Good Luck Sherpa / Destiny Design Lab

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