218. [Nurturing 'Life, Sex, and Living' at Home] Comprehensive Sex Education for Beginners [Part 5] Beyond 'Masculinity' and 'Femininity': Fostering Gender-Free Values and 'Individuality' at Home

When children grow up and enter society—such as nursery school, kindergarten, or elementary school—they encounter invisible frameworks (gender bias) like "Is it strange for a boy to like cute things?" or "Do I have to be more ladylike because I'm a girl?" and moments of confusion inevitably arise.
As parents, don't we sometimes find ourselves unconsciously blurting out old-fashioned values—even without malice—like "You're a boy, so stand up straight!" or "You're a girl, so be more gentle," only to be taken aback by our own words later?
As a midwife who witnessed the "unique brilliance" of each life in the delivery room, and as a mother watching my own three children grow while expressing their individual personalities, I want to share the message I hold most dear right now.
If you feel anxious about your child's "individuality" or societal frameworks, first try to settle your own heart with these questions.

I see, I'm worried that if they are different from society's 'normal,' they might have a hard time in the future.
Is the brilliance of the child right in front of me something that should be forcibly shoved into the 'two boxes of boy and girl'?
Or is it a 'one-of-a-kind, wonderful personality'?

By taking a breath like this, you can remove the colored glasses of "because they are a boy" or "because they are a girl," and build a foundation of security that allows your child to love their own "likes" as an independent human being.
Let's start the "Three Flats" that you can do at home to comfortably expand the boundaries of gender.

The Three Flats to make your child's individuality a perfect 100 points

Gender has nothing to do with "colors, toys, and clothes"! Fully affirm your child's "likes"

Whether a boy chooses pink or wants to play with Licca-chan dolls, or a girl is obsessed with hero shows or collects only toy cars, please give them a perfect 100-point mark without any judgment (criticism), saying, "That's wonderful! I love that color too!"
The momentary look of cloudiness or confused voice from an adult, like "Wait, but you're a boy?", can easily nip the bud of a child's self-acceptance.
Making your home a place where "you can say you like what you like, no matter who you are" becomes the greatest emotional safe zone.

Don't create gender rules for "expressing emotions"

Saying "You're a boy, so don't cry! Be strong" robs a boy of the right to express important emotions like "I'm sad" or "I'm in pain."
Conversely, saying "You're a girl, so you shouldn't get angry" suppresses a girl's ability to assert "I don't like this" or "This is wrong."
Tears and anger are all important energy for that child.
Respect and accept their emotional boundaries as a human being, regardless of gender, by saying things like "That was frustrating, wasn't it?" or "You're feeling angry, aren't you?"

Turn media's "typical" portrayals into opportunities for flat dialogue

When you see depictions in anime, picture books, or TV commercials where "only the mother is wearing an apron and cooking" or "only boys are out on adventures," instead of lecturing, try planting seeds of doubt in a flat way, such as "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if the dad cooked too?" or "Don't you think girl adventurers are strong and cool too?"
Not taking societal norms for granted and cultivating the ability to think for oneself—"What do I think?"—is the strong axis that will help them survive in this diverse future.

To you

When you held your newborn baby, there was not even a millimeter of "masculinity" or "femininity" there.
All that was there was the precious life energy of "that child's individuality," trying to live to the fullest.
So, you don't need to shrink yourself to fit into surrounding standards or "how things should be."
"You smiling as your true self is a perfect 100 points for me as a mother!"
Please, when your child brings you something they say "I like this!", try to remove all gender boundaries and enjoy it with them to the fullest, saying "That's the best!"
Your flat, smiling face as a parent will expand your child's possibilities infinitely.