Self-Introduction Article | For Those Feeling a Little Tired of Relationships and Romance [3 Perspectives]

Nice to meet you, the 8th man here.
Do you ever feel uneasy all day just because someone left your message on read?
Do you worry too much about someone else's mood and find yourself unable to say what you want?
Do you lie in bed at night, overthinking, wondering, "Did I do something wrong?"

──Have you ever experienced that?

Many people struggling with relationships or romance aren't necessarily dealing with major disasters.
Even so, your heart gradually gets tired without you even realizing it ( 一一)

But things not going well isn't because you're weak or have a bad personality. I just think it's a matter of how you approach things.

This article is a self-introduction article for those who are tired of relationships and romance and feel like they "don't know how to handle them."

1. Who am I? | Someone who has repeatedly failed in relationships and romance.

Nice to meet you. I am someone who writes about relationships and romance.

the 8th man (*´з`)

In the past, I was too considerate of others and got exhausted, tried to be liked and ended up spinning my wheels, and in romance, I was constantly swayed by a single word from the other person; I think there were more painful times than good ones ( 一一)

Whether it was friendships, the workplace, or romance, I felt like I was "failing in the same places over and over again"...

To be honest, I think my life was like a department store of failures...

"Am I the one at fault?" "I need to be more of an adult."

Days spent constantly criticizing myself like that.

That is precisely why I decided to write from the perspective of
someone who has struggled and failed, rather than from the success stories of those who have it all figured out.

2. Why do I write about relationship and romance struggles? | Because these are the words I wanted most in the past.

Back when I was struggling with relationships and romance, I searched for answers online over and over again.

・Have more confidence
・It's important not to care too much
・Don't be dependent on the other person

While I knew all of those were correct, they felt somewhat detached from reality to me at the time.

The more I thought, "I should try not to care," the more I ended up caring.
Even when told to "have more confidence," I was suffering precisely because I didn't have that confidence.

What I really wanted was...

It wasn't about logical arguments or techniques, but rather
a perspective that understands this exhaustion and puts it into words.

In relationships and romance, you can't check the answers even if you fail, right?
That's why I think people end up concluding, "It was all my fault."

I write about this theme because I want to tell those who are standing still, just like I was,
"You are not alone."

③ 3 Ways of Thinking to Make Relationships and Romance a Little Easier

In this note, I value the following three perspectives regarding relationships and romance.

For those who blame themselves in relationships | A way of thinking that lets you stop blaming yourself

When things don't go well, we tend to blame our own personality, don't we?
But, don't blame yourself.
Just by thinking that way, I believe the way you interact with others will become a little easier.

For those who get pushed around in romance | A way of thinking about a distance that doesn't tire you out

It's painful when you're too close, and it makes you anxious when you're too far apart, right?
The important thing is to protect your own comfort without trying too hard to accommodate the other person.
I think a relationship where you maintain a middle distance and support each other while remaining independent is what lasts in the end.

For those who try to make relationships perfect | A way of interacting without forcing things

Even if you don't aim for an ideal relationship, relationships and romance often continue unexpectedly, don't they?
Rather than increasing your knowledge, changing your way of thinking a littleis what I want to value.

The moment I felt relieved in relationships and romance | The day I stopped keeping a "distance to avoid being disliked"

Looking back at my old self, I think I lived entirely centered on others.

If they smiled, I felt relieved; if they became expressionless, I felt anxious. Just because a message wasn't marked as read, I would check my phone over and over again.

One day, someone said something to me.

"You, aren't you tired in your heart?"

With those words, I felt something.

I was only thinking about how not to be disliked,
and I wasn't looking at
how I was feeling at all.

Since then, I changed my mindset. Instead of a "distance to avoid being disliked," I value
a "distance where I don't get tired."

It is not a dramatic change, but I believe that the accumulation of these small changes is what gradually transforms reality.

Conclusion | This is a place to think about relationships and romance together

In this note, there are no grand solutions or perfect answers written.

I myself still worry and get lost even now. However, we can think about it together.

If you are feeling a little tired of relationships or romance right now, or if you are carrying some indescribable frustration, that alone is reason enough to come here (*´з`)
I believe there are things I can write because I have felt the same way.

Where are you most tired in your relationships and romance right now?