The Festival of Now #AmanoWritingClub

There is a saying, 'a festival after the fact' (too little, too late), but perhaps my life has been a series of those. By the time I wanted something, it was already sold out. By the time I tried to reach out, it was already over. And by the time I thought to say something, it was already too late.

For example, when I found out that the boy sitting next to me was moving away soon.

At the end of June, during the homeroom session at the end of the day. As I was packing up to go home like always, the teacher said,
“Um, this is sudden, but due to his father's work, he will be moving far away.”
At that moment, the classroom buzzed.
“What! Seriously!?”
“No way, I don't want that!”
“Where are you going!?”
Amidst everyone's voices, I was the only one who shouted in my heart a little late.
(Wait a minute, I haven't heard about that.)
The boy himself stood up with his usual calm smile.
“It's sudden, and I'm surprised myself, but... I'll still be here during summer vacation. I look forward to spending time with you all.”
I was already quite fond of him long before he asked for that. He has refined features, wears shiny shoes, has a housekeeper at home, has two entrances, and apparently, his piano plays itself automatically (according to him). To me, a representative of the common folk, he is like a prince from another world. And that prince is going to disappear. Once summer vacation ends, he will simply vanish from the same classroom, from the same seat. Surely, that is more than just 'a festival after the fact'.
Even though I thought that, I went home that day without being able to say anything. Tossing and turning on my bed, I finally realized: I have to do something.

Time passed in the blink of an eye, and the day of the summer festival arrived. The end of July. The evening sky was still bright, but red lanterns were already beginning to light up the shrine's approach. The scents of yakisoba, takoyaki, shaved ice, and candied apples mixed together, making my stomach feel very busy.
“Hey, over here, over here!”
Below the stone steps, my classmates were waving. Some girls were in yukatas, and some boys were in their usual T-shirts and shorts. The moment I spotted him wearing a white yukata with navy blue patterns, my heart skipped a beat in a strange rhythm.
(How does he look so good in that? That's cheating.)
“Hey, I'm glad you could make it. The yukata looks good on you.”
Mine was an old floral yukata that my grandmother had unearthed from the closet. I felt like the obi was a bit crooked, and I had been worried about it the whole time.
“Oh, don't look too closely. You'll see the wrinkles...”
“Even with the wrinkles, it has a deep charm.”
“That sounds like a compliment, but it isn't!”
While we were making such a fuss, the area became incredibly crowded. Everyone went into the shrine with a shout, had fun, and scattered. Before I knew it, all my friends had joined other groups and disappeared, leaving only me and him. We were at the edge of the slightly dark approach, away from the flow of people. The light of the lanterns dyed his profile orange.
“...Huh? Where is everyone?”
“It seems we've been left behind.”
“Traitors! Leaving us behind...”
While I was grumbling, a part of me felt happy. After all, didn't this mean it was a chance?
“Since we're here, shall we walk around?”
The hand he reached out was the hand of someone who always kept his notes neatly organized. His fingers were long, his nails were well-shaped, and somehow, he was on a different level from a commoner like me. That hand was reaching toward me.
“...Yeah. Well then, I'll guide you. This place is like my backyard.”
“That's reassuring. Then, I'll leave everything to the guide today.”
And so, our 'summer festival for just the two of us' began.
First, takoyaki. Then, yakisoba. After that, cotton candy and candied apples.
“Wait, aren't we buying too much?”
“It's a festival, don't worry about it. Here, have this too.”
He handed me shaved ice. No matter how you look at it, it wasn't for one person.
“No, I'm definitely a glutton, but I can't eat all this.”
“Then, I'll help. Let's share.”
“...Wait, are you planning to fatten me up and leave me behind?”
“I wouldn't hatch such a troublesome scheme.”
Seeing his profile as he chuckled, my chest tightened. I probably won't be able to see this casual way he smiles easily for much longer. That makes me sad.
In front of the goldfish scooping stall, I became the confident one.
“Watch me. I'm a pro at this.”
“Pro-level goldfish scooping...?”
I took the paper scoop and peered into the tank. I tried to scoop up the goldfish I had my eye on, but—
“...Huh?”
The paper tore instantly.
“That was a very impressive tear just now.”
“Shut up.”
The second time. The third time. As a result, all three scoops scattered in an instant.
“...That's strange, I feel like I could scoop more last year.”
“Maybe it's not that you can't scoop as well as last year, but that the goldfish are more captivated by you than last year and are moving more?”
“What kind of nonsensical hypothesis is that?”
The shopkeeper gave a wry smile and said, “Here’s a bonus,” giving me a tiny goldfish. Inside the plastic bag, its orange tail fin was fluttering. We both watched it in silence for a while. It felt like something that couldn't be put into words was packed inside this small bag. Suddenly, he spoke.
“...There will be a summer festival next year, too, right?”
“Well, it happens every year.”
“I wonder if I'll be able to come...”
The noise of the approach suddenly felt far away. The sound of the drums and the voices of the stall vendors all felt just a little bit more distant.
“...Yeah, I guess so.”
“I'm sure by then, you'll have forgotten about this goldfish and will be walking here with someone else.”
“Don't turn this into a sad monologue on your own.”
I said it jokingly, but something heavy was spreading in the center of my chest. He let out a small sigh.
“Maybe that's why. The time we're walking like this feels so special. If I couldn't talk to you, I'd surely think after it was all over, 'I should have talked more back then.' Like—
He cut his sentence short there. Then, he looked at me and smiled just a little.
“—a festival after the fact.”
At that moment, the sky flashed white for an instant. A sound that resonated in my stomach, *boom*. A large firework bloomed in the night sky. Red, blue, gold. Every time it burst, spread, and vanished, my heart beat faster and faster.
“...Oh, the fireworks have started, let's watch from here.”
I looked up at the fireworks as if to distract from his words. What do I do? What do I say? Where do I start? But even while I was worrying, the fireworks continued to go off relentlessly. Even this night was passing through 'now' every second and turning into 'a festival after the fact'.
(No. No, no, no!)
I threw a tantrum in my heart, surprising even myself. And before I knew it, my mouth was moving on its own. “...Hey.”
A firework went off with perfect timing. The sound was so loud that I felt my voice had been swallowed by the air. Still, I continued.
“It's okay if you can't hear me, but I'm saying it.”
I gripped my hands tightly on my lap. Keeping my gaze fixed on the sky, the light of the fireworks illuminated my cheeks and then left them in darkness.
“Thank you for walking around with me today. It was so much fun. The takoyaki, the yakisoba, the goldfish—I don't think I'll ever forget anything about today.”
As I said it, the back of my throat grew hot. The sound of the fireworks, *boom, boom*, relentlessly drowned me out. Still, I didn't swallow the final step.
“...But you know, the thing I want to forget the least is this 'now' where I laughed with you.”
I took a deep breath.
“So, um...”
The moment the next firework spread across the sky, I said it.
“I like you...!”
I shouted. But there was no reaction from him. It wasn't a loud shout, to be honest. It might have been a voice smaller than I expected. It must have been drowned out by the sound of the fireworks. I really wanted him to hear it clearly. I really didn't want to make this moment 'a festival after the fact'. But I couldn't even look at his face.
After a while, the sound suddenly cut off. The brief silence between one blast and the next. As if sewing through that gap, a voice fell from beside me.
“...That's unfair.”
When I turned to look, he was looking down slightly. His ears were red, a face I couldn't imagine from the usual prince-like him.
“Saying that while hidden by the sound of fireworks.”
“Eh... you heard me?”
“Yes. Unfortunately, clearly.”
My heart skipped a beat in a strange rhythm again.
“T-then why were you silent? That's embarrassing!”
“Because you're being unfair.”
“What's unfair about it!”
When I said that, he looked straight at me. His eyes felt more dazzling than the fireworks.
“I actually wanted to say it first...”
Another firework bloomed in the night sky. His profile, outlined by the light, looked very mature.
“I like you, too.”
It was his usual polite way of speaking, but it was slightly broken. That's why I knew deep in my heart that it wasn't a lie.
A *boom* resonated in my stomach. Particles of light scattered as if falling from the night sky. Under that light, I kept watching the profile of the boy beside me. I don't know about next year's summer festival or what lies beyond. But because I was able to properly grasp this moment while it was still 'now', that alone made this summer more than enough of a festival.

I don't need a festival after the fact anymore. Today, it truly became a 'festival of now'.

#AmanoWritingClub

I'm participating this week♪ It's out of season, but this was all I could think of!