Tensei Tora-go | Walking Silently Down a Path I Know Is Wrong

Before I knew it, I felt like my life was on the 'wrong side.' It’s not like the intense regret or desire for revenge you see in reincarnation stories. Was this the right choice? No matter how many times I ask myself, there is no answer. But the fact that there is no answer is, in itself, already strange.

'Stability is best.' Believing that, I walked along the tracks. Dreams were just decorations. If you can't make a living, it's meaningless; if you get laughed at, it's over. That’s how I chose this 'decent' path. And yet, it has been creaking all along.

In truth, I feel like there could have been a different life. Surely, back then. If I had gathered the courage. If I had acted without fearing failure. But the past cannot be changed.

What I like, what I dislike, and how I want to live. I can't even put such obvious things into words properly. I do my job 'normally.' But something is wrong.

I wanted to choose a different path. I wanted to shout 'I love this' properly, and even if someone laughed at me, I still wanted to stick to it. I wanted to try believing in myself without putting on a brave face, without fawning, and without running away. I will probably regret for the rest of my life that I couldn't do that.

But I am alive. It’s not over yet. When today's work is done, I think I'll try doing something for myself, even if it's just a little. Like reading a book I wanted to buy, or opening up a story I started writing. Even if I can't get back all the time I've lost. Maybe I can choose at least one step toward the future for myself. There are nights when I want to think that way. This regret will one day become the fuel that moves me. If I don't think even that, nothing will remain.

(602 characters)

Go back | Go forward