That thing called talent...

We are only human. There are times when we are in good shape, and times when we are not.

Today, I am definitely not in good shape. It is because of the temperature difference. In Saitama, where it was warm until yesterday, the temperature has dropped from 20 degrees to around 10 degrees today. This temperature swing is tough on someone with lower back pain.

I do not know what I should write. I have mountains of things I want to write, and I have to write, but my mind is not working.

What should I do at times like this?

To borrow the words of Ursula, the young painter who appears in "Kiki's Delivery Service": "draw, draw, and keep drawing". You struggle and flail about. And what if you still cannot draw? Well, then, "do nothing".

The human body is honest; at times like that, it usually means you have accumulated fatigue. It is not just physical fatigue. Mental distress is also a form of genuine exhaustion. On days like that, you should sleep. Surround yourself only with the things you love and sleep.

Eventually, you will want to write again.

Right now, I am repeating the process of "writing, writing, writing, writing until I stop". I am struggling and flailing. I can sort of see the direction, but I am still lost as to what I should write or what I should do. Novels, essays, diaries... Where is the place where I can shine the brightest?

I am nobody. That is why I struggle.

In Kiki's Delivery Service, the protagonist Kiki says, "Magic isn't about chanting spells. You fly with your blood." Ursula said she liked that.

And she said that "witch's blood," "painter's blood," and "baker's blood" are "powers given by God or someone else."

I really like these words from Ursula.

I do not know if "writer's blood" flows through me. Even so, I think it would be fine if "God or someone else" gave me at least one "talent."

That talent is not something that suddenly "awakens" one day. I am not a "genius." It is impossible for it to suddenly bloom just because I am facing a crisis.

That is why I am struggling.

I once wrote a short story of less than 20,000 characters. But no matter how much I wrote, I was not satisfied with it, and I revised it more than 10 times. Because I lack talent... I rewrote it over and over again.

If I were a genius, if I had talent, I would have been a bestselling author long ago.

Struggling and flailing is uncool.

I have thought many times that I wanted to be a genius, like the protagonist of a movie. Nothing I do goes well. Lacking even a shred of talent, I feel envious of others.

But at some point, I started to think that "talent might just be something that others call it after looking only at the results".

I definitely care about what others think. But is that really your true purpose?

I think talent is that sudden urge to write that comes when you've written and written and written until you can't anymore, and you finally stop and just zone out.

Doesn't everyone have at least one feeling like that?

So, it's okay not to be anyone special. It's okay to struggle. Everyone has talent. I won't belittle myself anymore.

To be able to say 'I did everything I could' and die with my head held high, I will keep struggling today, too.

#66DayWritingChallenge

Postscript <<2024/04/18>> The streak has been broken. Regrettable.