I Must Have Had It Too... "The Reckless Blues"

I thrust the words I spat out back at myself,
and kept running as if to drive myself into a corner.

Is the clear sky a retirement gift for me?

Time flies like an arrow.
My life as a company employee ended yesterday.
Because I ran so recklessly,
the time passed in a flash,
and I have few drawers of memories.

I thought I would sleep in until noon today, at least,
but I find myself opening the front door first thing in the morning.
The dazzling sunlight
is the opposite of how I feel,
wondering what I should do from today on.

For the company,
for my family,
where on earth does this path I ran down
so desperately lead?

Come to think of it, my life was decent enough.
It is safe to say it was a very ordinary life.

I wasn't wealthy, but I wasn't poor either,
I didn't cause much trouble for others,
and I could say my hobby was the occasional trip.

Even that, once the children grew up,
gradually became less frequent.

They say we have entered the era of the 100-year life,
but I cannot simply be happy about that.

Because, in fact, here I am standing still.

As I converse with my aimless heart,
I hear the lively voices of children from afar.

The voices gradually grow louder,
and children wearing oversized school bags
walk by in front of me.

Ah, is it time for school?

Come to think of it, my own children
had a time like this, so sparkling and cute.

I could do anything for these kids.
I would fight anyone.
Even if the whole world turned against me.

I used to feel like
the protagonist of a story, didn't I?

As they grew into adults,
they could do more things,
and their sense of responsibility increased,
but can I say I still have the same feelings?

No, wait.

I must have had it too.

Without thinking of anything,
living that day recklessly,
believing that this sparkling path
would last forever.

The days I chased a soccer ball in the park.
The nights I fell asleep clutching my guitar.
That day I proposed with my heart ready to burst.
The day you first cried out into this world.
The scent of the home I finally managed to buy.

I can remember days like those.
So,
I must still have them.

To them, I am forever their father,
And to me, they are forever my beloved children.

Isn't it just that I have
stood at the starting line once again?

As for what I want to do from here on,
I can just take my time and think about it.
I'll just try doing
whatever comes to mind for now.

No matter what suffering rains down,
No matter what heartlessness stands in my way,
I can only ever be myself.

Sometimes, I will just have to force
a flower that is uniquely mine to bloom within my heart.

I want to be someone who can be proud of being myself,
even if I have to struggle and writhe to do it.

Because this is my one and only life,
I want to show someone that I exist.

The dazzling sunlight and
the gentle breeze,
surely,
must be celebrating my new beginning.