A Good-for-Nothing Shining a Light on the Hearts of Weary Humanity
In the spring of 2025, I started writing on note.
I also posted on Threads for the first time.
I'm bored, so I'll give it a try.
I had no sense of obligation or goals.
I don't remember what I wrote,
but I couldn't stop my hands from moving.
Ten years' worth of feelings overflowed,
and no matter how much I wrote, it still wasn't enough.
I used social media as an outlet for my passion.
I wanted to reach someone like my former self,
someone who is currently in the dark.
The ten years that were so hard
After giving birth, postpartum depression and poor health overlapped,
and there were times when I was bedridden for more than half the month.
I've been sensitive and a perfectionist since I was little.
I was the type to be hard on myself.
I grew up without knowing how to cut myself some slack.
Because I'm a mother.
Because I'm a stay-at-home wife.
It's only natural that I do at least this much.
No matter what I did, that's how I pushed myself.
But when my physical strength gave out, I couldn't hold on anymore.
It's painful to be blaming myself all the time.
I've become able to gradually notice the painful feelings
that I had previously taken for granted.
Many books saved me.
My suffering
actually had a name.
Every time I turned a page,
the true nature of the suffering I had been carrying
gradually became clear.
Up until then,
I didn't know what I liked or what made me suffer,
and I had never even thought about it.
I lived my life putting my feelings on the back burner,
thinking this is just how things are, this is common sense.
Doing what I like.
Feeling at ease.
Relying on others.
I redid the things I couldn't do in childhood
after I became an adult.
I've been numbing my heart
for so long, haven't I?
It's okay, no matter how long it takes.
I'll be with you all the way
until your heart is full.
The resolve to become a good-for-nothing
I decided to cut corners.
I bought a washing machine with a dryer,
I bought a robot vacuum, and I reduced my housework.
I felt guilty about spending money on myself,
and I was scared. But I didn't have the energy to move, so
I relied on machines.
But it didn't make things easier.
I wonder why...
I thought about it and realized.
With a mindset of just trying to cut corners,
you can't actually cut corners.
Slack off. Be lazy.
Become a good-for-nothing.
Become a loser.
Only with that much resolve was I finally able to
sit on the sofa.
At first, even when I made coffee and sat down,
I felt restless.
Guilt would ask me,
“What about the laundry? You haven't cleaned the bathroom drain in two weeks, have you? Wouldn't it be better to do it soon?”
I ignored it and took a sip.
I ignored it and watched a drama.
I took a nap.
Once I felt relieved, I was able to cry.
I slowly melted the perfectionism that had soaked into the core of my heart,
with enjoyment.
The days I could get up increased,
and my body started to move again.
So this is what it means to relax.
Come to think of it,
I used to love movies, dramas, and music.
When I was a student, I listened to music every day.
I had forgotten all about that for so long.
Just meeting people makes me tired.
I'm too serious and push myself too hard.
I lack stamina and get tired easily.
I decided to finally forgive
that good-for-nothing version of myself.
It's okay to be just as you are.
You've already done enough.
You were amazing.
Feeling at ease is more important.
Having fun is more important.
There is nothing more important
than my own happiness.
Nothing at all.
What had been sleeping at the bottom of my heart came overflowing out.
I want to knit.
I want to watch more movies and dramas.
I want to write. I want to run.
I realized that socializing with other moms and my in-laws
was all painful, so
I kept it to the bare minimum.
I was scared.
I thought they would hate me.
But I can't go back to the path of pushing myself.
I don't want to go back.
Even if people think I'm a loser,
I will be on my own side.
When I decided that,
I felt happy.
I felt relieved.
My husband and children, who don't blame me for being this way, but instead understand
and cherish me.
For the first time, I was able to truly thank people from my heart.
It wasn't that I actually hated my in-laws.
I hated myself
for not being able to say no to things I didn't like.
My heart in the past
was full of anger and dissatisfaction.
Even though I'm doing so much for them...
Even though I'm trying so hard...
Why is this happening?
I couldn't understand why I was alive
even after thinking about it every day,
and even though I thought I should be grateful to people, I couldn't.
It seems that when the heart is fulfilled,
humans naturally become able to feel gratitude.
I am having so much fun every day.
I feel happy, warm,
and truly blessed.
Thank you for not giving up.
The heart is like a two-year-old forever.
It's cute and interesting, isn't it?
Reached 8,000 people
When I first started Threads,
my followers didn't increase at all.
About half a year later, likes increased,
comments started coming in, and I began to
receive words of empathy.
When I received my first empathetic comment,
I nodded repeatedly in front of the screen.
I wasn't the only one.
Everyone is tired.
But they can't say, "I'm tired."
They feel like they shouldn't think things are hard.
Even though they are working so hard,
they think it's still not enough.
Just like the old me.
I kept writing, hoping that people who
feel life is hard but can't tell anyone
might feel a moment of relief.
I wanted to become someone who could
send out words that could encourage my former self.
One day, I made a post like this.
It was quite sharp language.
I thought it might cause a backlash.
But what reached me were
nothing but voices of empathy.
8,000 likes. 150,000 views.
Many people nodded along.
Everyone is doing their best while thinking
that things are painful and troublesome.
Are you listening, the me from back then?
You aren't strange.
There are many people who feel the same way.
You weren't alone.
Illuminating the hearts of weary humanity
The other day, I compiled screenshots of my popular posts and
posted them, and my follower count increased by 5,000 in just a few days.
I, who until recently had stopped socializing and was bedridden, unable to even do basic housework.
My words, decided upon the idea that it is okay to be a good-for-nothing, illuminated someone's heart.
It's funny how the words I had hidden away were the ones that reached someone.
After being a good-for-nothing, I decided to get carried away.
I received an unbelievable number of
heartwarming comments.
Perhaps the greatest period of popularity in my life has arrived...
I cried while reading them.
I worked hard because I had a lonely childhood.
Because I worked hard, I lost my way.
Once I lost my way, I got tired and stayed in bed.
I searched for the meaning of life.
It became painful, so I slacked off.
I thought it was fine to be a loser.
I was finally able to be there for myself.
Once I was there for myself, I could forgive myself.
Once I could forgive myself, passion welled up.
Once I relied on others, I could feel gratitude.
When I did what I loved,
words that
illuminate someone were born.
Even if you think you're in darkness,
sometimes the path suddenly opens up
when you turn a corner.
None of it is in vain.
That of yours, too, surely.
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