If you were a celebrity, you'd be getting snapped right now

Whenever I do something sloppy, my mother often
threatens me by saying, "If you were a celebrity, you'd be getting snapped right now."

I should clarify that I am not a celebrity.
I am a 28-year-old office worker from Nara Prefecture.

If I eat a piece of meat I dropped on the table, she says, "If you were a celebrity, you'd be getting snapped right now."

If I walk past a bicycle that has been blown over by the wind and pretend not to notice, she says, "If you were a celebrity, you'd be getting snapped right now."

If I'm too cheap to pay for a plastic bag and leave the convenience store with my arms full of items, she says, "If you were a celebrity, you'd be getting snapped right now."

That's how it goes.

Click.

"Genki Moriko (28), caught greedily eating meat she dropped."


Click.

"Genki Moriko (28), rushing ahead while pretending not to notice a fallen bicycle."

Click.

"Genki Moriko (28), too cheap to pay for a bag, opening the door with her foot while carrying her items."

I laugh it off, saying, "I'm not a celebrity, you know," but deep down, I always feel a little startled.

"Well, if you're fine with that, then I guess it's fine, right? It has nothing to do with me," my mother says with a slight smirk.

My mother is a mysterious person.

Even now, as I try to write "My mother is a [blank] person," I can't find the right words.

She is a kind person, but she definitely talks behind people's backs (she calls everyone she dislikes "poop." Apparently, it's because if she uses their real names, she might accidentally slip up). She is a serious person, but she often dances strangely after meals. She is a cheerful person, but she also sometimes looks down and says, "Even your mother has a dark side... though you probably wouldn't understand..."
I wish she'd stop that.

However, if there is one thing I can say,
I think my mother is always confident in her own words and actions.

To put it another way,
she feels like she's ready to be photographed at any time.

It's not just about right or wrong,
even in the moments when she's calling someone she dislikes "poop,"
for my mother, that's a moment she wouldn't mind being photographed.
For some reason, I can feel that spirit in her.

And perhaps, that is something I lack.

Ever since my mother started threatening me,
I've become conscious of the eyes of paparazzi that aren't even there.

From the moment I wake up in the morning, my day as "the popular idol Genki Moriko (28)" begins.
I know, don't say a word.


I wash my face and brush my teeth,
and when I'm feeling up to it, I even take a bath.
I don't forget to make my bed, at least to a minimal degree.

I change the water for the green onions on the windowsill and have a glass of water myself.
I smile at the green onions that have grown just a little bit more than yesterday, and then I start preparing breakfast.

"No matter how busy I am, I never skip breakfast. (Smiles)"

I arrange cheese toast, yogurt, a banana, protein, and coffee on a green placemat I bought at a certain 100-yen shop, and carefully put my hands together.

"I'm not a picky eater. I'm truly grateful to my parents. (Smiles)"

I take a series of photos and send them to my mother with the message, "Pretty impressive, right?" She replies, "That's nice, I guess, but if you have time for that, you should go visit the grave properly."
I wasn't talking about that.

With my mother's out-of-the-blue remark, I instantly went from

"Genki Moriko (28), who waters the green onions and lives a mindful life from the morning"

to

"Genki Moriko (28), who hasn't visited the grave, using work as an excuse"

and the headline changed drastically.


Something is wrong.
Come to think of it, hasn't this woman been the reason for all the negative scoops I've had so far?

"Genki Moriko (28), who gives up her seat to the elderly"
"Genki Moriko (28), who turns in a lost ring to the information desk"
"Genki Moriko (28), who stays up all night listening to a friend's problems"
"Genki Moriko (28), who gives the last one to a child"

There should have been many wonderful scoops until now, but strangely, they were always hushed up.
It's always the negative headlines that stick in my mind, and some great power must have been making that happen.
Now it's clear.
It's all this woman!
This woman was rewriting my headlines!
I'm going to leak that you call people you hate "poop" behind their backs!

"More importantly, did you eat the watermelon I gave you the other day? You need to eat it soon or it'll go bad."

I hurriedly peeked into the vegetable compartment, and a watermelon that could only be described as withered was sleeping quietly.
When I met my mother the other day, she had shared the first watermelon of the year with me.
And it was a pretty good small watermelon, too.
I cut into it fearfully, and the inside was also withered.
When I smelled it, it had a scent that could be taken either way.
I feel bad for my mother who went out of her way to bring me something so heavy, and of course, I feel bad for the watermelon and the watermelon farmer.
However, I don't want to get a stomachache.
I'll apologize for this one, and should I lie to my mother and say, "Of course I ate it! It was delicious!"?

"Genki Moriko (28), who lies and wastes food"

At that moment, that headline crossed my mind.
I took a gamble and bit into the watermelon.
I seemed to be a top-tier celebrity.