Karma and Self-Inflicted Consequences

Subtitle: What you cause in others, and what remains burning within yourself

Sometimes you are kind, yet you are disliked.

Sometimes you say the right thing, yet you are resented.

Conversely, even when harsh words are directed at you,
you may later feel grateful,
realizing that person was truly looking out for you.

The mystery of human relationships lies right here.

People often speak of karma
in the sense that
what you do comes back to you.

Do good, and good returns.

Do evil, and evil returns.

However, actual relationships are not that simple.

What returns is
not your action itself,
but rather what that action caused to arise within the other person.

You tried to help,
but the other person felt

dominated,
indebted,
or looked down upon.
When that happens, what returns

might not be gratitude, but distance or resentment.
You said something harsh,

but the other person felt
that you were engaging with them seriously,
that you had not abandoned them.
When that happens, what returns
might not be resentment, but trust.

Thinking about it this way, karma
is not a phenomenon where a copy of your actions returns as-is.

It is a phenomenon where what you caused to arise in another's inner self
passes through the other person's interpretation,

and returns in a changed form.

Self-inflicted consequences (jigou jitoku) does not mean
that punishment is being meted out.

It is when you yourself
eventually catch up to the meaning of what you have done.

At the time,
there were words you treated lightly.

At the time,
there were behaviors you thought were unavoidable.

At the time,
there were relationships you dismissed as not being that bad.

But as time passes,
your position changes,
and when the world you see changes,

the question of
what you made the other person feel back then

can return to your inner self, delayed.
At this moment, you are

not being blamed by anyone.
You are being burned by yourself

due to the understanding that has been born within you.
Perhaps that is what

people call self-inflicted consequences.
However,

self-inflicted consequences is not a word of condemnation.
It does not mean

serves you right.
It means

the meaning of your actions
is collected by you with a time lag.
If karma is

an echo that returns via another person,
self-inflicted consequences is

an echo that continues to ring within yourself.
Therefore,

when a person apologizes repeatedly,

that apology is
not necessarily directed only at the other person.
They might want to be forgiven by the other person.

They might want to confirm that they are not a bad person.

They might want to cool down, even a little,

the heat of the guilt that still won't fade.
However,

the person receiving the apology
does not need to shoulder that heat as well.
Listening to an apology and

taking on the other person's self-inflicted consequences are different things.
However, this perspective has both sharpness and danger.

Because if you take this idea and make it absolute,

you end up having to bear full responsibility
for how the other person felt.
But that is impossible to take on.

Even with the same words,

some receive them as salvation,
while others receive them as an insult.
Even with the same silence,

some feel it as consideration,
while others feel it as rejection.
How the other person feels

is not determined solely by your actions.
What the other person has experienced,

what they have been hurt by,
what they fear,
what they are seeking,
and even their physical condition and composure that day
are all mixed in there.
In other words,

what you made the other person feel is important, but
you cannot take responsibility for all of it.
If you mistake this,

consideration quickly turns into self-sacrifice.
So as not to hurt,

so as not to be misunderstood,
so as not to be disliked,
so as to be understood well,
when you try to become the manager of someone else's inner world like that,

you quietly break down.
Then, to what extent should a person take responsibility?

I believe that

rather than the entire result, you should take responsibility for your intentions, choices, and responses.
What were you trying to do?
Did you really want to support the other person?

Or did you want to prove that you were right?

Or perhaps you wanted to make the other person act as you wished?
First, there is responsibility there.
Next,

there is responsibility in how you conveyed it.

Even with the same content,
there is more than one way to deliver it.

There is the place,
there is the timing,
and there is the order of the words.
Good intentions do not excuse everything.
Furthermore,

when you unexpectedly hurt someone,

there is responsibility in how you face that fact.
Do you end it with 'I didn't mean to'?
Or

do you try to see what happened?
This is where a person's sincerity shows.

However,
you cannot take responsibility for turning the other person's entire life around.

You cannot take responsibility for completely eliminating misunderstandings.

You cannot take responsibility for guaranteeing that good intentions always produce good results.
If you try to shoulder that much,

people do not become kind,

they try to become omnipotent.

Even if you did nothing wrong,
you will not always get the best results.
Even if you act sincerely, sometimes it won't be understood.

Even if you speak carefully, sometimes you will cross wires.
Even if you offer something seriously, sometimes it won't reach them.

Perhaps people have long sealed off such realms
with the word 'luck'.
Luck is

not the absence of a cause.
I think it is the name for a state where there are too many causes

and it has become beyond an individual's control.
Compatibility,

timing,
the other person's past,

your own immaturity,
the atmosphere of the moment,
unspoken assumptions,
countless factors like these intertwine,
and the result is decided.
Therefore,

the existence of luck
does not mean that effort is meaningless.

Rather the opposite; precisely because there are times when effort doesn't reach,
a person must determine
the scope of responsibility they can take on.

Here, finally,
the true form of responsibility comes into view.
Responsibility is
not about being resented by no one.

It is about not running away from the fact
that as a result of doing what is necessary,

there is a possibility of being resented by the other person.
For example,

refusing dependency,
not pandering,
drawing a line and saying 'no further',

not giving convenient kindness.
These actions are often
felt by the other person as
rejection,
cruelty,

or betrayal.
At that time,
if you stop drawing the necessary lines because you don't want to be disliked,
consideration falls into self-sacrifice.
So sometimes,
you need the resolve to say,

'If you want to resent me, go ahead.'
'I will take that much responsibility.'
This is not
a dismissive 'I don't care what you think'.

It is an acceptance that says,
'I did this based on my own judgment, and if you resent me as a result,
I will not run away from that fact.'
Do not make being liked your goal.

However, do not run away from being disliked either.
Without this stance,
a person will keep bending their own lines

to match the emotions of others.
Of course, this resolve too
is dangerous if used carelessly.
Because even a perpetrator

can say, 'If you don't like it, resent me'.
Therefore, true resolve

has one condition.
That is,
to keep checking even afterwards:

Was my judgment truly necessary?
Was there any arrogance mixed in?

Resolve without checking becomes mere defiance.
Only resolve that includes checking
becomes responsibility.

Karma is
not about your actions returning as-is.

I think it is about what you caused to arise in the other person's inner self
passing through the other person's interpretation,
and returning, delayed and in a changed form.
That is precisely why

you must be careful about how you present yourself.

But at the same time,
you must not convince yourself that all of that echo

is your responsibility.
In this world,

there are walls that cannot be crossed by sincerity alone.
There are distances that cannot be reached by correctness alone.
There are things that cannot be saved by good intentions alone.

Even so,
not clouding your intentions,

not making your choices carelessly,
not running away from responding to what has happened,
and even taking on the resentment born from necessary boundaries—

I think that is what responsibility is.
People cannot control the world.

Even so,

you can choose

what you offer and how you offer it.

Summary of this article

Karma
An echo that returns via another person

Self-inflicted consequences
An echo that rings within yourself, delayed

Responsibility
Looking at both, and determining the scope you can bear