I Can't Keep Up With That Speed
I will reach my 18th anniversary at this company at the end of this month.
I have worked at the same company since graduating, but for the past few years, I have been thinking about something periodically.
That is, "Will I continue working at this same company forever?"
Such vague anxieties have been smoldering for the past few years, and the term "the 40-year-old wall" fits perfectly.
I feel grateful for the environment where I am protected by the company, and it is not to the point of ruining my health. I also feel a certain sense of fulfillment in my work.
However, when I try to achieve the results required by my job, the balance between childcare and housework collapses (and currently, I am in a tightrope-walking state where it feels like it could collapse at any moment).
I know that this inability to maintain balance is what leads to my vague anxieties.
Even if I am not looking to change jobs immediately, I searched for job sites to register with in order to gather information.
It goes without saying, but there are so many similar sites.
I checked reviews and features to decide where to register, and after narrowing down the sites (or so I thought), I attempted to register.
There were more input fields than I expected, which rattled me a little. It felt as if my level of seriousness was being measured.
The very next day,
I received an email saying something like,
"Thank you for registering. We tried to call you, but your number is not registered. Please register it here!"
A phone call the day after I registered...!
I felt intimidated, as if my level of seriousness was being measured again.
Furthermore, about five emails arrived every day,
"Register your phone number!"
"Book a consultation!"
"Here is information on companies you viewed and similar ones!"
"Here is the application status for companies you frequently view!"
They kept coming one after another.
Since it is my PC email address, I can check them calmly, but if it were my mobile email, the vibration would be so constant that I would be shaking too.
If you aren't serious, you can't keep up with this speed.
I can't keep up.
I spend my days feeling intimidated, impressed, and dejected as multiple emails with slightly different wording arrive every day.
I opened the door to take a step forward, but I closed it without stepping through.
That didn't resolve my anxieties, so I searched at work for how to resign.
All I need to submit is a single sheet of paper, the company's prescribed "resignation letter" form.
I was slightly surprised at how simple the document was, and I printed it out with a nonchalant face.
I had obtained a ticket that would allow me to quit at any time.
Moreover, no one knows that I am holding this ticket right now.
When I thought about that, I felt a little lighter.
I haven't fundamentally solved anything.
But I can submit that one piece of paper based on my own judgment, or I can open a new door again.
By concretizing such options, I have gained some breathing room to think.
I will try to face my anxieties a little more.