Author Interview #15 [Riko Suzuki]
This time, we interviewed Riko Suzuki, the author of the popular book "School Refusal is a 'Message' from Children: Habits to Overcome School Refusal and Bring Smiles Back to Your Family," which was released on July 15, 2021. We asked her about episodes from the writing process and key points of the content.
Author Profile
Riko Suzuki
Family Relationship Repair Coach
Graduated from the Faculty of Letters, Keio University. As a training instructor, she has supported over 20,000 people in approximately 15 years. Presides over the "KET Riko Juku: Bringing Smiles Back to the Family."
When her own third daughter stopped attending school in her third year of junior high, she thoroughly reviewed parent-child communication by utilizing the psychology, counseling, and coaching she had studied. Her daughter recovered and successfully passed the entrance exam for her desired university. When she wrote about this experience on her blog, it gained the empathy of many mothers, and she began receiving requests for consultations. Currently, she conducts about 100 hours of individual sessions per month and presides over a psychology and communication course titled "KET Riko Juku: Bringing Smiles Back to the Family." Her sessions, which are based on the perspectives of someone who has experienced this and as a mother, are well-regarded and have gained the support of many mothers.
Author Interview
—First of all, how was the reaction from those around you after the book was published?
Riko Suzuki (hereinafter Suzuki): I felt that there were many people around me struggling with school non-attendance, social withdrawal, or eating disorders, with comments like, 'Actually, my child is also not attending school...' or 'My sister's child is...' or 'My colleague's child is...' Those people told me, 'I didn't know what to do until now, but I can see a light.'
Also, I was very happy to receive feedback from people whose children have no problems or who don't have children, saying, 'It provided hints for a better way of living.' The response was greater than I expected, with people buying multiple copies to recommend to friends and relatives, or buying the paper version after buying the digital version, saying, 'It's my bible.'
—A bible!! That's wonderful! I'm glad it seems to be reaching many people. Now, let's get to the main topic. Please tell us why you wanted to write this book.
Suzuki: Seven years ago, when my daughter was in her third year of junior high, she stopped attending school. At that time, it was incredibly painful and difficult, and our parent-child relationship kept getting worse. But one day, I changed the way I communicated with my daughter, and she became more energetic day by day. My daughter is now truly enjoying her university life. I felt I had to convey this to those who are still struggling today.
Also, I work as a lecturer for corporate training, and I felt that no matter how hard society tries to promote women's empowerment, it is difficult without stability at home. So, I decided to compile what my daughter and I experienced, along with insights from the sessions and courses I currently conduct for mothers, and I wanted as many people as possible to know about it.
—You also preside over a psychology and communication course called 'KET Riko Juku to Bring Smiles Back to the Family.' What kind of people participate?
Suzuki: Mothers who have children with issues like school non-attendance, social withdrawal, or eating disorders participate. The course content covers a wide range of topics, including active listening, validation, assertion, and anger management, which are very important in communication. All of these are essential elements not only for children who are suffering emotionally but also for mothers to feel at ease.
In addition to these, they also learn elements of psychology. This is because it is very important for mothers to point the arrow at themselves rather than just focusing on their children. If a mother's own heart is not settled and fulfilled first, she cannot practice active listening or validation even if she tries.
—So it is important for the parents themselves to be calm first. In a book, the means of communication is text information. What were the difficult parts or struggles you faced during writing?
Suzuki: I had so much I wanted to write that I struggled to summarize it to be concise and easy to read for the readers. I first wrote down everything I wanted to say, then deleted unnecessary or overlapping parts, and grouped similar trends into the same chapters. Because I thought about the structure after writing it all out, it took a lot of time.
The editor-in-chief also pointed out writing habits I hadn't noticed myself, and I had to rewrite them many times because I couldn't fix them easily.
—It's a book that was released after a lot of trial and error! Who would you especially like to recommend this book to?
Suzuki: Of course, I would like mothers who have children with school non-attendance, social withdrawal, or eating disorders to read it, but I would also like those who are raising children and those who feel a vague sense of difficulty in living to read it.
School non-attendance is not a child's problem; in most cases, the situation changes significantly by reviewing the parent's mindset and thinking habits. If the parent feels at ease, the child also feels at ease. I also convey hints on how to feel at ease, so I highly recommend it even to those who think it has nothing to do with school non-attendance.
—When a child suddenly stops attending school, what points should parents first be careful about and how should they act?
Suzuki: Parents often panic and try to force them to go to school or get angry, but that is counterproductive. Children who do not attend school are very tired emotionally. First, it is important to let them rest slowly. It is easy to end up asking, 'Why can't you go?' or 'Are you going today?', but for the child, that feels like being blamed, and it only strengthens their guilt and sense of self-denial. It is important not to rush, and not to blame the child or for the mother to blame herself.
—Indeed, if you blame them, the child's heart seems to become more unstable. It is said that the number of children who cannot go to school has increased due to the influence of COVID-19. What kind of society do you hope we will regain from now on?
Suzuki: Our lives have changed significantly due to COVID-19. What we previously thought of as 'common sense' is no longer common sense. I think everyone used to take it for granted that children should go to school, but that has also become a cause for children who don't attend school to have a sense of self-denial they don't need to have. Online classes have also progressed, and I hope that the options for various ways of learning will increase, and that the stress on children will be reduced even a little.
If we become a society that can acknowledge each other's 'differences' and if the choice not to go to school can be made with confidence, I think the word 'school non-attendance' might even disappear.
—An environment where children can live freely without stress is necessary, isn't it.Returning to the book, please tell us an effective way to read this book so that readers can make the most of its teachings.
Suzuki: You don't have to read it in order from beginning to end; you can choose and read the parts you think are necessary right now from the table of contents. If you reread the important pages, the pages that resonated with you, and the pages you decided to act on as many times as you like, it will be easier to internalize.
—What is your favorite point about this book?
Suzuki: The illustrations on the cover of each chapter were drawn by an illustrator I love, so that is one of my favorite points.
In terms of content, it is that there are many hints written that you can actually act on. Even if you gain knowledge, nothing will change unless you act. I hope you will make use of it.
—Finally, please give a message to the readers who read this note!
Suzuki: Thank you for reading this far! If you are currently worried about your child, please don't carry it alone and try reading this book first. When you are worried, your perspective tends to narrow. It is common for your view of the child in front of you to change by coming into contact with a different perspective. It is important for the mother's feelings to loosen and for her to feel at ease.
Please, let both mother and child feel at ease with this book!
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Book Introduction
When a child stops attending school, parents feel like they are in a dark tunnel.
Are you worried because you can't see ahead and don't know what to do, you don't understand what your child is thinking at all, your home is dark and lacks smiles, you are worried about what will happen if they become socially withdrawn, or you are suffering from being blamed by your husband, parents-in-law, or parents...?
When a child stops attending school or becomes socially withdrawn, parents look for the cause in the child. But even if you try to 'fix' the child, nothing changes. On the contrary, it gets worse.
The author's third daughter did not attend school from her third year of junior high to her third year of high school. The parent-child relationship deteriorated, and after thinking that she would regret it for the rest of her life if things continued this way, she made a big decision. As a result of striving to restore the relationship of trust, her daughter became energetic and passed the entrance exam for her desired university straight away. Smiles returned to the family.
When I wrote about this experience on Ameblo, it gained the empathy of many mothers, and I was flooded with requests from readers asking for advice. Currently, I preside over about 100 hours of personal sessions per month and a psychology and communication course titled 'KET Riko Juku to Bring Smiles Back to the Family,' supporting many mothers.
Based on the experience of bringing smiles back to many families through counseling that incorporates the mother's perspective and elements of psychology and brain science, this book is packed with concrete hints for escaping school non-attendance. You will surely find things you can do starting today, and the day when smiles return to your family will be near.
[Table of Contents]
Chapter 1: The problem visible on the surface is not the essence of the problem
Chapter 2: 5 common behaviors of children who do not attend school
Chapter 3: Things to be careful about when a child stops attending school
Chapter 4: To accept your child as they are
Chapter 5: Hints for lightening a mother's heart
[Purchaser Bonus]
'3 Secrets of School Non-attendance Unraveled from Psychology' that solves the 'Why? How come?'
Please also enjoy the free full publication up to Chapter 1!