Let it be imperfect. Let it be unexpected.
This article is an English translation of an earlier piece by Onigiri, with some additional edits.↓↓↓
Hi, this is Onigiri from Globe-spanning currently in the slack mode.🍙 In this article, I'll share how I—a person whose perfectionism tends to be a burden (e.g. not being able to realize overly high ideals, not even trying in the first place when something seems like it can't be done perfectly)—try to avoid falling into perfectionism traps. Still in the process of trial and error, though…
Accept the way you are
Doing a little is better than nothing
To be honest, I don't remember the thought of "doing a little is better than nothing" motivating me to do something when I am not motivated at all, but I feel like it is better for the long term continuation if you tell yourself "doing a little is better than nothing" and praise yourself when you could do something even by a little. For example, if you are mostly sleeping throughout the day but managed to do Duolingo for just one lesson, it's easier to move on by thinking "I could do one lesson! Well done!" rather than thinking "I could only do Duolingo…". Intentionally being aware of what you could do will contribute to overcoming negative perfectionism.
Admit that that was the best you could do at that time
There must be a lot of people who reflect on the past constantly and regrets, thinking "Why didn't I do this…. I could've done it properly if I had done it this way…". In my case, I had been regretting that I never did the summer holiday homework which I asked the teacher to assign MYSELF and yet kept running away. (I know, if I have enough time to think about this, I should definitely do that homework instead lol) As you can see, regret doesn't produce anything. Even if you regret millions of times, the past won't change. Therefore, I decided to think of that mistake as "It was the best I could do at that time" and stopped thinking about "what if". Why don't you shift your mindset from "If I'd done that…" to what you can do from now on considering the past?
To improve your perfectionism practically
Start by building a framework
Haven't you been pursuing quality from the beginning, such as when doing assignments? Oh, is it only me? If you try to pay attention to every single detail from the first, it becomes sooooo inefficient and it couldn't be done even after working on it all day. However!!!! It is better to just submit even with low quality than pursuing high quality and not submitting, so it is important to make a low-quality framework at first with the intention of fixing it later. For example, when creating slides, it is a lot easier to decide the content briefly, and then fill in the bullet points, rather than adding ✨fancy✨ animations from the very first slide. You don't need to do thorough research and write perfect sentences when you are just writing your first item in a document summarizing research. It's okay to not do everything so perfectly from the first. It's okay to move on and start doing the next item even if there isn't enough. By aiming to complete the task gradually and generally like this, you will be able to see some unnecessary details.
Just do it in bed
I often feel like I need to sit at a desk even if it's something that I can do in my bed or with a phone for no reason. I am learning singing, and although I can check my singing video in small pieces in bed, I felt like I needed to sit and watch the entire video which was 10 mins long. I thought it was too much of a bother and ended up putting it off for quite a bit of time. (I was about to get scolded by my kind teacher because of that.) But there is no such rule anywhere. So as I said earlier, with the thought of "doing a little is better than nothing", try what you can do with your phone in your bed even if it was just for a minute.
Get used to failure
In other words, it means actively trying new things. It could be really tiny things, for example, going to a restaurant and ordering a dish that you have never heard of, or having a go at something that you are not good at or have been avoiding without even trying. By plunging yourself into situations where you might make predictable mistakes, I believe that you can become accustomed to not being perfect. Furthermore, if you do this repeatedly, the hesitation toward big challenges will decrease.
Lower your ideal
Understand your capacity and set to-dos
Setting unachievable goals such as "Studying without any breaks throughout the day!" or "Never use phones!" will only be a burden on you. (In this case, the "goals" I'm talking about mean daily tasks and not long term goals.) Start with simple things that seem achievable to you, and then once you get used to it, try something that's a bit more challenging — this accumulation of "small success" will build your confidence.
When you can't do it, don't.
I assume that everybody must have a time when they don't feel like doing anything, and if you are filled with the thoughts that you need to do something at that kind of time, it will only put pressure on you. When this happens, it will only drain your energy even though you are actually not doing anything. WHAT A WASTE!!! Since you are taking a break, just let it be and give your mind a proper rest if it seems like you won't be able to do anything✨
Conclusion
In conclusion, to quit being a negative perfectionist, the following are crucial.
Praise yourself every single time you could do something
Accept your past self
Start with low quality with the intention of improving later
Get used to failures
Do what you can do in bed, even if it's just for a minute
Stop thinking "I have to do this" and only do what you can do
By being mindful of these things, self-blame and self-protection that come from perfectionism must reduce! It would be the best if we could treat the identity of being a perfectionist well to maximise our hidden potential!
Thank you so so so much for reading until the end. If you could give me a like or a comment, Onigiri will be heated… (I'll just be happy) I hope you enjoyed reading this article, and see you in the next one!