Do Not Arbitrarily Judge a Child's Heart and Potential

Have you ever thought about how children view their parents and adults on a daily basis, and what they are experiencing?

In consultations, I often hear people say, "My child doesn't really understand when I tell them things," "They don't listen to people," or "They don't grasp the situation."
However, that is a mistake.
Children perceive things with a much broader perspective than adults realize.
They are often listening to adults very carefully, even when it seems like they aren't.
Many children vividly remember their parents' emotional words and attitudes.

It is actually the adults who do not understand the children well.
They have not fully grasped the hearts and thoughts of the children.

More than adults think, children are sensitively aware of adults' emotions and attitudes. And they possess sharp intuition.
Even words spoken under the assumption that a child wouldn't understand are often well understood by them.
It is just that the child does not put it into words; in reality, they have mountains of things they want to say to adults.
This applies to both good and bad things.
Precisely because their senses are more sensitive, delicate, and curious than adults, they are actually observing and analyzing adults very closely.

For example, if an adult uses negative language, the child will remember it forever, and their heart will remain wounded for a long time.
If you use positive language, they will try hard to live up to it, and the results of that effort will lead to further achievements.

If parents habitually use rough language and behavior, the child will understand that such an attitude is normal and common sense, and will begin to act the same way.
If parents behave with sincerity and express gratitude often, the child will naturally follow suit, behaving well and expressing gratitude themselves.

People say parents are role models for their children, but rather than a model, they are a "mirror."
There are a great many parents and adults who do not realize this.
Adults often say, "I'm troubled because my child is like this" or "They can't do this," but the adults themselves have various things they cannot do either.
There must be many areas where you cannot criticize others.
The troublesome parts or things your child cannot do are also reflections of yourself. They are reflecting them like a mirror.
When you scold a child, they are often thinking, "You're one to talk..."

Children have various emotions moving within them too

In some of the consultations I receive—and this is something I experienced myself as a child—
there are stories where, while watching a movie or drama that makes everyone else cry, the parent is moved to tears, but the child watches calmly without crying.
Regarding the child's behavior, I am sometimes asked, "Is this child unable to feel sadness or put themselves in the protagonist's shoes?" or "Do they have no heart?"
Being told things like this makes me feel unpleasant as well.
I suspect the child being thought of in that way feels even more unpleasant.
I want to say to that child, "It's painful to be told such things, isn't it?"
At that moment, I realize, "I felt angry because I accepted the feelings the child is experiencing right now."

I myself was a child who didn't cry even when watching moving movies or dramas.
It is not that I wasn't sad. It is not that I wasn't empathizing.
I just didn't cry.
Regardless of whether tears fall or not, my feelings are deeply moved.
I think about things like what I would do if I were in the protagonist's position, or what I would do if the same thing happened.
It is common for my eyes to feel warm and for me to be on the verge of tears.
I am just holding it back. There are also children whose constitution simply doesn't let tears flow easily.
Even without crying, even without showing tears, various emotions are moving.
Yet, when told, "You have no heart if you don't cry at things like this," it really strikes a nerve.
I remember being told that by my parents when I was in the first grade and being furious.
At the time, I thought, "How dare you think I'm not thinking about anything."

If I did cry, I would be told, "Why are you crying so much?" or "If you cry over something like this, what will you do if the same thing actually happens?"
Because I knew that would happen, I didn't cry.
It was the parents or adults who made it so I couldn't cry.
By saying such things at some point, they turned me into a child who couldn't cry honestly and who would hold back even when emotions were stirred.
If they truly had no interest and could not empathize, they wouldn't have watched the program from beginning to end in the first place.

From the perspective of someone like me who doesn't cry, I would want to say, "What are you going to do if you cry that much?" or "What are you going to do if you can't hold back your feelings like that?"
Crying is certainly important, but
crying when moved = being a kind person, being a correct person, or being human
is not necessarily true.
There are many such people who are incredibly poor at controlling their emotions.
They often get angry emotionally or panic too much in a pinch.
They may not be able to think about things logically and speak based solely on their emotions at the time.
Thinking about that point, you can see that it is not necessarily good for all emotions to just come out to the surface.

For that reason, it is important not to prematurely measure a child's heart, feelings, thoughts, and potential by adult standards, but to treat them with sincerity while asking about their own thoughts.

I would like you to avoid saying something as rude as "You have no heart," even by mistake.
The person saying "You have no heart" is actually the heartless one.
Because they are unable to imagine the other person's feelings or thoughts, and have made a rude judgment and put it into words.