Words to Wake Up a Slack Mind 2

A common story I hear about children...

"My child can't do things for themselves properly."
"They don't keep their promises."
"They forget what they're told immediately."
"When I tell them to do something, they just give a vague reply and don't actually move."
"They don't try to act until they are told."
And so on...

You are talking about things your child cannot do, but
actually, there are many cases where the parents cannot do them either.

From the perspective of someone listening on the sidelines,
"You really can't say that about others," is all I want to say.

"My child can't keep time, they're loose with time, it's really a problem."
Parents who say this are often unable to keep time themselves or are loose with time.
Even though they get angry at their child for not keeping time or rules, they do the same things themselves.

To be honest, even in counseling sessions, there are plenty of people who cannot keep time.
They talk about how their child cannot manage time or do this or that, while ignoring the time even when their session is over.

"My child cannot switch tasks."
While saying this, they themselves cannot switch tasks either,
and even when prompted with, "Our time is up, so until next time..."
they might start talking again, saying, "Can I just say one more thing?"

Adults are just as bad at switching time or situations.
They rarely consider that there is someone else waiting for their turn.

Taking such behavior into account, someone in my profession analyzes the psychological state and the meaning of the words and actions, and accepts them as a hint for understanding the client.
So in a sense, it is within the acceptable range, but
outside of counseling, in the general world, it is not something that would be tolerated.

While telling their children not to cause trouble for others,
they themselves are doing things that cause trouble for others quite often.

Casual words and actions often trouble others.
This is not limited to children; it is the same for adults.

Things a child cannot do = things the parent or adult cannot do either.
If you want to improve your child's behavior, first look back at your own behavior.

・When a child starts watching their smartphone, they don't want to stop.
　→Parents don't stop easily once they start looking at their smartphones either, right?

・They don't do what they are asked to do right away.
　→When you are asked to do something at work, can you respond to it immediately on the spot?
　　Don't you just reply and then take a long time to actually start?

・They forget what they were told immediately.
　→Don't adults also forget quite a lot?
　　Can you clearly say you remember everything your child said and everything you said?

Doing various things for your child is a good thing, and there is no right or wrong in what you have tried hard to do, but
it is not good to ignore the fact that you cannot do it yourself while blaming your child by saying, "You can't do it!"
Your child will develop resentment and will listen to you even less.

If you want to change your child's troublesome behavior,
first, review your own troublesome behavior.
Many hints for parenting are found in your own conduct.

Parents, teachers, and all adults involved with children
should first ensure that their own words and actions
are not such that those around them would think,
"You really can't say that about others."

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