[Couple Comparison] I compared myself, an HSS-type HSP, with my gifted husband...

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🐾 My husband lying on the bed. Clutching the edge of a towel

When I turned off the bedroom lights, my husband slowly curled up in the futon.
With the edge of a soft towel held near his face,
he huddled up just like a "bear🐻".

Watching him,
I was convinced, "Ah, he is an 'HSP' too."

But the 'senses' that spread out beyond that
were a little different from the HSP I know.

🐾 The 'manic' and 'quiet' sides of my HSS-type HSP

I am apparently what is called an "HSS-type HSP."
After I found out my husband was gifted, while I was researching various things,
I learned the term "HSS-type HSP."

I shouted.
The mental fog I had felt until now just faded away.

I seek stimulation, yet I get tired easily.
I love new experiences, travel, meeting people, and challenges.
But if I pack my schedule too full, my switch suddenly flips off.

For example...

• Thinking, "This person might be interesting," and going to meet them

• Coming up with, "Let's go to this area next"

• Acting immediately when I think, "I want to try this"

...but the next day, everything becomes a chore.

"Why was I so enthusiastic?"
"I don't want to talk to anyone anymore."

While I feel disgusted with myself for that, I'm used to it now.

That "manic" mode comes after I get home from work and finish drinking my herbal tea.
As if a switch suddenly turned on, I start cleaning the whole house, replying to LINE messages while watching a drama on Netflix, simultaneously jotting down notes for a blog post, and thinking about the structure of a presentation document with a looming deadline...

Herbal tea is supposed to be for calming the mind.
Yet, the moment the switch turns on, my brain is on the verge of boiling over.
With that momentum, I fill up my weekend schedule.

I am a self-confessed workaholic who works in full-marathon mode from Monday to Friday.
Even though it's a day off, my schedule is lined up in one-hour increments from morning till night.

However, when I stop for a moment on Friday night, I get the feeling that the world is spinning around.
"Why did I pack so much in?"
I feel like crying even though I'm doing nothing, and I sigh just from a smartphone notification sound.

By then, I have already entered "quiet" mode.
I don't want to see anyone.

The "manic" side of me makes plans, but the "calm" side of me wants to cancel them all.
But when I do that, I get swallowed by guilt again.
I blame myself, thinking, "I'm so difficult."

However, I recently learned about the "HSS-type HSP" trait.
Since then, I've finally been able to accept myself little by little.

🐾 My husband's HSP was more of a "passive and pure sensitivity"

My husband is gifted and also possesses HSP-like sensitivity.
But unlike me, he doesn't go out seeking stimulation.

What he wanted was "silence."
The brightness of lights, the sound of dishes, crowds, the movement of the wind, noise...
Each of his five senses reacts sensitively.
His brain sensors are always left ON.

When I asked, "Why are you so tired?"
He made a slightly troubled face and said this.

I thought,
"Ah, this person is similar to me, yet something is different. He is not HSS-type."

🐾 Moments of misunderstanding. I escape to the "outside," he escapes to the "inside"

What was interesting was that even though we both have the same "sensitivity," our ways of reacting and the vectors of our hearts were completely opposite.

I 🐥 go outside.
When stimulation comes, I try to drown it out with even greater stimulation.
I pack my schedule, go on trips, meet people, and seek activity.

My husband 🐻 retreats inside.
He darkens the room, wraps himself in a blanket, and lies down clutching a towel.
He only seeks "comforting scents," "tactile sensations," and "moments of silence."

Even though we have the same "difficulty in living,"
I step on the accelerator and go into a HIGH state,
while my husband steps on the brake and goes into a LOW state.

We were using completely opposite ways to protect ourselves.

🐾 The interaction between Gifted and HSP

My husband also strongly possesses gifted traits.

• High information processing ability

• Extraordinary memory

• Sensitivity to emotions and physical sensations

• Deep views on life and death and philosophical inquiry

When the HSP temperament is combined with being gifted,
a "brain that cannot stop processing even if it wants to" is born.

My husband has lived in that world his whole life.

When my husband comes home, he shows a side only to me,
which might be the true nature of his "switch to a spoiled voice (=the moment he returns to being a child)."
It was a side he only showed to someone he felt safe with, someone he could trust.

🐾 Walking together as an "intersection" rather than merging

My husband and I are not the exact same type.
In fact, I often feel that "even though we are similar, we are completely different."

I run, and my husband stops.
My eyes are fixed on "what's next,"
while he is focused on "the current stimulus."

But perhaps,
in the sense that "we can't quite ride the air of this society and find it hard to live,"
we might be standing in the same place.

🐾 So that "being together" becomes the greatest sense of security

Recently, my husband often says things like this.

"Shall we eat this together?"
"I want to watch that with you."
"Who's making the coffee ☕️ today?"

He used to always ask for my "permission," but now,
words seeking "sharing" are coming from my husband.

We are both clumsy,
and both of us can only live on our own time axes.
But we can be together.

Rather than "understanding each other," it's about "living together."
That might be the form of security for us, a gifted person and an HSS-type HSP.