I'm a former childcare worker, but I'm raising my children while struggling

“I am a former childcare worker.”

Every time I wrote those words, my fingers would stop, wondering if I was really allowed to call myself that.
A desire to be proud, and a feeling of hesitation.

I have been carrying both of those feelings with me all this time.

The reason I became a “former childcare worker” is very ordinary.

After graduating from university, I worked at a kindergarten for about five years, and then I worked at a nursery school for three years.
By the time I gave birth, I had already left the field of childcare, and now I work in a completely different job.

When people ask me, “Why did you quit being a childcare worker?”
I don't actually have a clear reason.

Since I started doing a different job, I've learned that there are truly many ways to work in this world.
In the midst of that, I think I am in the middle of searching for “the perfect position for myself working in society.”
Things I want to do, jobs that suit me, jobs that don't.

While struggling, I encountered my current job, and I also found a small goal: “First, I'll get my Level 3 Bookkeeping certification.”
I'm still in the middle of it all right now.

I'm just winging it, feeling a bit aimless.

Even so, I was hesitant about the title of “former childcare worker”

What I struggled with most was whether I was allowed to call myself a “former childcare worker.”
I worked as a childcare worker about ten-something years ago.

And that was before I became a mom.
Only eight years.

And it was experience from a long time ago.
“Am I allowed to talk about childcare?”

“Aren't many things different from the current field?”
Those thoughts crossed my mind many times.

But, it is a fact that I worked there.

The days I spent facing children, interacting with parents, and struggling desperately.
I realized that those experiences have seeped into my own parenting today without me even noticing.

The gap between my time as a childcare worker and being a mother now is exactly what I want to write about

When I actually became a mother, I found a reality that was completely different from what I had thought during my time as a childcare worker.
“I know this, but I can't do it.”
“I have the knowledge, but my emotions can't keep up.”

I felt painful many times because of that gap.
But now, I think that gap is exactly what I can write about.

I'm not a perfect expert.

But I'm not completely ignorant either.
The me who was a childcare worker, and the me who is a mother and can't do things as I wish.
Because I know both, I can empathize with the feelings of moms who are struggling in the same way.

From now on, I intend to write in my own words, while mixing in stories from my time as a childcare worker little by little.

Summary

It's not that I have no hesitation in calling myself a “former childcare worker” anymore.
But, my past experiences and my current struggles are all part of who I am now.

It's okay if I'm not perfect, and it's okay if I'm wavering.
If that image can connect to someone else's “I understand,” then I think that's fine.

Lastly, a report to those who always read my posts.
I changed my icon 🌷
To match the atmosphere of my current posts, I made it a bit gentler and softer.
The icon is quite a bit younger than I actually am (lol).
The content remains the same; I will continue to write about my adolescent children, the wavering feelings of a mother, and the reality of parenting as a former childcare worker who isn't perfect.

Thank you for your continued support ☺️

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Thank you for reading until the end 😌
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