What I, a working mom, realized was necessary to avoid blaming my teenage son

That day, I went to work prepared to be reprimanded.
Actually, I took five days off in February.

As a temp worker, I am paid by the hour.

I had used up all my paid leave.

Honestly, my mind was never at ease.

My daughter had influenza B, followed by gastroenteritis.

It's that time of year, so it couldn't be helped.

It's no one's fault.

Even though I knew that, the feelings of 'I took too much time off' and 'I'm so sorry' wouldn't go away.

My husband works in the office full-time.

I'm the one who takes the time off.

This is our family's choice.

But the reality of a reduced income still hurts.

Inside my heart, it's like a little concert going on.
'Do you want to earn money?!'
'Yeah!'
......Even though there's no one there. Haha.

Being a temp is different from being a full-time employee.

The amount of work entrusted to me and the weight of the responsibility are different.

But I am the only temp in my current department.

During the interview, I was told that 'the condition is someone who can improve their skills,' and I still remember the day I decided I wanted to grow here.

The person who said 'Please, come join us' was my current direct supervisor.
They taught me everything carefully from scratch, even though I wasn't good with computers,

and created opportunities for me to succeed.
They even entrusted me with the role of explaining meeting content to the full-time staff.

It is a truly grateful environment.

Honestly, there are times when I feel anxious, wondering, 'Was I really the right person for this?'

But every time that happens, I think to myself:

Instead of just ending up feeling anxious, I should just become the person who lives up to those expectations.

I was saved by that supervisor this time as well.

I went to my boss, not just flying low, but almost skimming the ground.

To me saying, "I am so sorry for the trouble I've caused," the response I got was,


"We're here for each other."


That was it.
That was all, yet I felt like I was going to cry.

They even worried about my daughter.
Instead of blaming me, they offered words of comfort.

Ah, not being blamed makes my heart feel so light.

If that day,
I had been looked at with eyes that said, "You're taking too much time off."

I am sure that I,
would have made myself feel small.

I might have lost my confidence,
and shrunk back more than necessary.

I learned that not blaming someone,
is not the same as coddling them.

It is about giving them the strength to look forward.

It must be the same for a child in their teenage years.

When they fail.
When things don't go well.

What they want most is not a lecture on what is right,
but perhaps just a simple, "Are you okay?"

And,
there is one more thing I realized.


I was fulfilled in my place of work.

Being trusted.
Being given responsibilities.
Being needed.

That accumulation of experiences was what supported my heart.

A mom being fulfilled outside the home,
is not selfish.

It does not mean putting family second.

People who are fulfilled,
can be kind.

Because they have room to spare,
they can refrain from blaming others.

I,
want to become an adult like that boss.

When someone comes to apologize while flying low,
I want to be someone who can say, "It's okay."

And, at home, for my son.

I want to be a mother who can accept his wavering teenage heart,
without blaming him.

It is okay to be fulfilled outside.
It is okay to want to grow.

If there is a version of myself that wishes to become a kind adult beyond that,
then I believe that is surely not wrong.