By writing every day, I've come to understand my own contours better

I write on note every day.

There are many people who say that writing makes you happy or that good things will happen. I often see such articles and books.

I am one of those people who feels that I have been able to enjoy my days more since I started writing.

But I suddenly wondered if I had ever really thought about what specific good things come from it.

There are many answers to that. In fact, I can think of several right away.

But among them, the one that has a particularly big impact is,

that I have come to understand my own contours better than before

I think that is it.

Writing is the process of converting thoughts and emotions that are floating around in your head into something tangible called words.

You end up having a dialogue with yourself whether you like it or not. Your emotions, your temperature. Above all, why you are writing about that thing, what you feel, and what you want to do from here on.

When you continue that work day after day, you come to understand your own contours better. In other words, you come to understand yourself better than before. You start to become aware of things that were previously unconscious.

What you value, what you find interesting, what you find uninteresting, what bothers you, and what you are seeking. Those are the kinds of things.

In my case, as for what I realized, it boils down to this one phrase.

"I wasn't empty"

Until then, even when I watched movies or read books, I often ended up just saying "hmm." Even in daily life, when asked for my opinion like "Which one do you like?" or "What do you think about this?", honestly, most of the time I felt like it didn't really matter.

Such vague thoughts had been dwelling within me for some time.

But now I understand.

It's not that my sensibility is dull, it's just that I wasn't thinking properly. The reason I couldn't have any significant impressions was because I was either overlooking the snags that arose within me, or even if I found them, I wasn't digging deeper into them.

While repeating the dialogue with myself in order to write, I began to observe the movements of my heart carefully. The sensor that detects snags in my heart has become more accurate than before. As I unravel the reasons for those snags, I rediscover various things from my past up to the present.

The blurry space is gradually increasing in resolution, and it feels like the fog is lifting.

In other words, by writing, I can see inside myself more clearly, and as a result, I have been able to remove the cloudy shadow that has covered my heart for many years.

I felt relieved rather than happy. I was glad I wasn't empty.

Besides, I like the "me who I know isn't empty" better than the "me who might be empty." It might sound strange, but this might be what is commonly called self-affirmation.

If this is the result after writing for 200 days, what will happen if I write for 500 days? What about 1000 days?

With such experimental speculation in mind, I am writing again today.

(The End)

Thank you for reading.

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