Children's Growth and Parental Upgrades

Every night before bed, my daughter chooses the clothes she will wear the next day and lays them out on the carpet.

She does this at night because it takes too long to do it with a groggy head in the morning.

The other day, I was helping her with this routine as usual. I checked the next day's weather and temperature, and gave her advice like, 'Short sleeves would be good,' or 'Don't you think long pants would be better?'

Suddenly, my daughter said something unexpected.

'Mom, you should wear shirts like this and pants like this too.'

She held her palms face down and placed them in turn above her belly button and around the top of her legs. In short, she was recommending a shirt so short it would show my belly button, and shorts that would leave my legs completely exposed.

'No, that's a bit much...'

Even though everyone in America wears whatever they want regardless of age, there is a limit. Fashion like a teenager's is a stretch. Actually, even if I were a teenager now, I probably wouldn't wear that.

'Why did you think I should wear clothes like that?'

I asked out of curiosity. I thought she might say it was cute, or that Taylor Swift wore it, but she gave me an unexpected answer.

'Because if you wear clothes like that, you get attention from boys'

Huh? ...What did you just say?

I doubted my own ears. I was at a loss for words.

My daughter is only six years old.

Her joys and sorrows have no twists; she always expresses her emotions directly. If she falls and scrapes her knee, she cries out loud, and the backs of her hands and her cheeks are still a little chubby.

A child like that had just said, 'If you expose your skin, you get attention from boys.' It is a moment that would make any parent feel a sense of crisis.

I have to do something. But what?

'Do you want to get attention from boys?'

I hid my agitation and asked in a tone I tried to keep calm.

My daughter nodded, 'Yeah.'

I understand the desire to be noticed. It feels good when those around you validate you with a 'like,' tickling your self-esteem. It is an extension of being raised by parents who praised you, a desire to be approved of by others as well. It is not just children; adults have it too.

However, it felt like I couldn't just leave it as it was. There were two major problems.

One is that the equation my daughter believes in—that 'there is value in being noticed'—must be maintained on a proper balance. If you entrust your value to the evaluation of others, you might lose sight of yourself someday. You will end up living your life being swayed by values other than your own.

The other is the means used to gain attention. It is absolutely not the case that anything goes. She needs to acquire a healthy standard for judging what is appropriate and what is not. If that part is missing, things like the soy sauce licking incident from a while back happen.

This is the result of organizing my thoughts after the fact. When my daughter said those words, I didn't know what to say or where to start.

And so, I need to check the content of the videos my daughter usually watches once more.

What comes to mind are music videos. Recently, my daughter has been watching music videos of her favorite singers often.

I haven't placed any particular restrictions on listening to music until now. But when I look at them carefully, many of these videos feature clothing and movements that emphasize sexuality. Furthermore, the popular songs these days are overflowing with foul language.

That said, it is not right to uniformly ban the TV or iPad either. It is important to talk to her and make her understand what kind of things are not good and why.

Now, how should I talk about that? Thinking about such things, I let out a deep sigh.

As children grow, the problems they face become more complex. Perhaps this is just the beginning, and things will only get more difficult from here on out.

If parents don't upgrade themselves, they won't be able to keep up.

(The End)