Stumbling in Unexpected Places After Entering the English-Speaking World
Seven years have passed since I came to America, and while I think my English has improved quite a bit, there are still things I can't get used to.
That is the timing of backchanneling.
My conversations with my American husband are almost entirely in English. I have asked him to point out whenever I use incorrect English. Part of this is because I don't want our children to learn weird English, but I also want to master correct English myself.
So, while I do get corrected on pronunciation and grammar, what I get pointed out for more frequently is that my backchanneling timing is strange.
Did you know that the timing for backchanneling is different in Japanese and English? I didn't know that until I came to America. Or rather, I didn't realize it until my husband pointed it out. Not a single teacher in all the English classes I've taken ever explained that, and not a single native speaker I talked to in English while I was in Japan ever pointed this out to me (people don't usually point things like that out unless you're quite close).
Backchanneling is a habit that has been ingrained in my body since I was old enough to remember. Just because someone tells me one day that my timing is weird doesn't mean I can fix it immediately.
How does the timing of backchanneling differ between Japanese and English?
In Japanese, I don't think it feels unnatural to insert backchannels while the other person is speaking, following the pauses in the sentences.
"The other day,"
"Yeah."
"When I stopped by a convenience store on my way home from work,"
"Yeah."
"they had a new ice cream flavor out,"
"Yeah."
"so I bought it right away."
"Oh, I see."
(The example is a bit lame, lol)
I think it also serves as a sign that I am listening and following the conversation. However, when speaking in English, if you insert backchannels frequently in the same way, it makes the person you are talking to feel uncomfortable. What kind of discomfort? Well,
・Feeling like you are being rushed to finish what you are saying.
・Feeling like your story is being interrupted.
It's closer to unpleasantness than just discomfort. When my husband first taught me this, I was shocked. Had I been making the native speakers I talked to other than my husband feel uncomfortable all this time?
Also, English backchannels have a stronger degree of agreement or understanding than in Japanese, and if you fire them off in the middle of a sentence, you might get a reaction like, "I'm not finished yet, am I?" For example,
"About the time for tomorrow's appointment,"
"Yeah, I got it."
It ends up being a conversation like that.
So, when I am consciously trying to backchannel, I make sure to nod silently while they are speaking, and only provide a backchannel when the other person pauses or the sentence ends. When I let my guard down, I have to hold back the urge to say "un-un" (though in reality it's more like "uh-huh") in the Japanese style while I listen.
By the way, am I the only one stumbling over this, or do all Japanese people who jump into the English-speaking world face the same problem? When I tried Googling it, up came so many similar episodes.
I felt relieved to see that I have many companions.