The Reality of International Marriage [2]

International marriage is a daily cross-cultural exchange.

This article was read by more people than I expected. I really enjoyed the feedback I received after writing it, with many people saying things like, 'That's the same for us!' or 'This is how we do it!' Thank you so much!

Since international marriage topics are scattered throughout my daily life, there are still plenty more. Today is the sequel. Let's get right into it.

Sweet Terms of Endearment

'You look beautiful today, honey.'

A husband whispering such cheesy lines to his wife almost every day. Don't you see scenes like this in movies and dramas?

Regarding this 'honey' part, these are terms of endearment other than names used between lovers or spouses. Before I married an American, back when I was a Japanese person living in Japan, I was skeptical about whether people actually used such terms.

To conclude, they really do use these terms. We basically call each other by our names, but 'honey' casually pops up a few times a day. Furthermore, there are various versions. I will reveal examples from our home without any shame.

At first, I wasn't used to it and would retort, 'Wait, what did you just say?' But now, I have accepted it completely naturally as if it were a nickname. In that sense, I have become quite Americanized.

By the way, my husband uses these terms for our daughter too. For our son... come to think of it, he doesn't.

I don't feel bad when I'm called these things. I feel like my sense of self-affirmation builds up, as if points are gradually accumulating. If that's the case, I should call my husband 'honey' too, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm a bit of a coward when it comes to things like this.

I Love You

'I love you' is used very often. Not just once a day, but many times.

I don't think the Japanese translation of 'I love you' is 'aishiteru'. After all, doesn't the Japanese word 'aishiteru' sound extremely formal?

Even in English, when lovers say 'I love you' for the first time, it seems both the speaker and the listener are moved by it. It's said that the relationship moves up a level. I think 'I love you' in those moments is equivalent to 'aishiteru.'

However, 'I love you' used daily at home is much more casual. It's not that we are tiredlessly exchanging romantic confessions every day, but rather, it is a phrase to casually convey that you care about someone.

My husband says it to me every day, and I say it too. It's not just between spouses; I probably say it a few times a day to our children, like when sending them off to school or before they go to sleep. The children say it too. My husband also always says it to his mother at the end of a phone call or when they part ways.

I feel like we are confirming each other's feelings through these casual exchanges of words. Whether between spouses, parents and children, or lovers, I believe that in any relationship, the emotions between you are something you nurture. By knocking on each other's heart doors and going back and forth, we check how the other is doing today, share joy, and resolve any lingering feelings.

"I love you" is a phrase that nurtures feelings with your loved ones.

The Yes/No Problem

The languages used in our home are a bit complicated.

Sorry for saying something confusing. You don't have to understand it; it's fine to just move on.

What I mean to say is that everyone in the family understands both Japanese and English in our situation. For an international marriage household, this is convenient because we don't have trouble communicating, but there is one thing that causes confusion.

That is the problem where you don't know if the "yes" or "no" answer to a negative question means yes or no.

Let me give you an example.

This negative question, in English, would be something like
Are you not eating this anymore?
.

The answers to this are
Yes, I am.
No, I'm not.

In other words, in English, "yes" means you will eat it, and "no" means you won't.

But in Japanese, it goes like this:
Yes, I won't eat it.
No, I will eat it.

In other words, in Japanese, "yes" means you won't eat it, and "no" means you will. It's the opposite of English. (Right?)

When the children speak in English, they sometimes use Japanese interpretations, so I end up having to ask again, "Does this 'yes' mean you're eating it or not?"

Having negative questions cause confusion is unique to international marriages.

Thank you for reading this far.
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