The Strength to Face the Headwind

My life has always been a little bit windy.

Whenever I try to move forward, a headwind always blows.

Even so, I never stopped.

When I was a child, my parents often clashed.

My mother worked late to support the household, and my father wished for her to stay home.

Understanding both of their feelings, I was always torn between them.

For my mother, who returned home late at night, I would rub my sleepy eyes and unlock the front door whenever the doorbell rang.

Even as a child, I would pray, 'I hope they don't fight today.'

One day, while living through such days,

My father's infidelity was discovered, and our family was on the verge of collapse.

Even though we managed to hold on,

The crisis of divorce visited us many times.

Even in the midst of that, I felt the love they had for my brother and me.

So as not to lose sight of myself in a situation that seemed ready to crumble,

I focused on the tasks right in front of me.

I took the initiative to clean the house and made my own school lunches.

To my mother, who complained about my father, I told her how he actually cherished her, and I also told my father about my mother's hardships.

In doing so, I became sensitive to people's expressions and changes in their feelings.

I transferred schools twice during elementary school.

Every time I opened the classroom door, dozens of gazes turned toward me all at once.

Even when I was introduced as a "new friend," everyone would return to their usual circles once recess began.

I had no choice but to reach out and ask them to play with me myself.

That doesn't mean I had a gloomy childhood, though;

I simply developed the habit of thinking about my feelings objectively within my own heart.

"I'm angry right now, but when I think about it, it's not really that big of a deal, is it?"

"I'm smiling, but I'm actually frustrated, aren't I?"

It was a time before I knew the term anger management,

but perhaps I was taking six-second deep breaths back then without anyone ever teaching me.

Back then, a strong headwind was blowing.

But looking back, perhaps that wind wasn't blowing to knock me down, but to teach me the strength to stand on my own two feet.

――The wind blows again today.

But I will not fall.

No matter what kind of wind blows, I will plant my feet firmly on the ground,

because I have the strength to look forward and walk on.

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