On the slight guilt I felt every time I had 'my time'.

“Is it okay for me to be the only one resting?” — When these words cross my mind, I feel a shadow called guilt...

In my previous article, I wrote about our couple's 'me-time' rules and the importance of having time to oneself.

I touched on it briefly in the article, but there was actually a hurdle to overcome before creating this system. That was
“guilt”.

For example, when I leave the children with my husband to go to a cafe. A restless feeling somehow lingers in my back. Thinking, “Is it okay for me to be the only one resting?” or “Isn't it hard for my husband?”

Even while spending time alone, thoughts of home pop into the corner of my mind, and I can't fully relax. Still, there is a part of me that thinks, “I want to go again,” and each time, a mix of slight remorse and slight joy washes over me.

Guilt is a strange thing. Even though I'm not doing anything wrong, feelings of self-reproach like “But you're a mother?” or “How could you leave your family behind?” start to surface.

But you know, I've been thinking lately that this guilt might actually be born precisely because I care so much about my family. If I face it properly and treat it gently, it might become a catalyst to make

“my time”
even richer.

So this time, I would like to delve into how I deal with this emotion of guilt, which every mother tends to harbor.

I hope this reaches the moms who are feeling the exact same way at this very moment ☘️

💭 Why do “mothers” feel guilty about having time to themselves...?

In my case—

🔸 I work full-time, and my child is at daycare from morning until evening. On top of that, I find myself thinking, “I shouldn't even want time for myself.” Since I have so little time to spend with my child, I feel like I'm doing something terrible by prioritizing myself even more.

🔸 The moms in my neighborhood are all stay-at-home moms. They go to the park with their children even on weekdays, and every time I see them, I compare myself and think, “Maybe I'm sacrificing something.”

🔸 When I'm about to leave, my child cries and tries to stop me. “Come back soon!” “What time will you be home!?” Every time I hear those words, my chest tightens. I wonder, “Is having time to myself worth putting them through this?”

Perhaps the true nature of this guilt is just a lack of confidence...
Maybe it's not just me; maybe mothers everywhere lack confidence in the roles of 'parenting' and 'being a mom' that have no right answers.

Comparing myself to others, I think, 'I'm not doing as well as that person.'
'I'm not raising my child as freely as she is.'
'I'm not as good at cooking as that wife, and I'm not as polished.'

These feelings deep in my heart plant guilt in the positive side of me. That kind of structure...

The reason I became able to deal with guilt well is because of the presence of my family, and no one else.

My husband is a dry person in a good way.
As long as we are a dual-income household, housework, childcare, and asset building are all,
'things we do together as a matter of course' is his stance.
That is also a result of my 'husband-raising' (patting myself on the back👏),
but I am also helped by the sense of tolerance that was already within him.

And, my husband's mother—
She has experience raising three children and is an after-school care teacher.
She is rough around the edges, but a very warm person.
To me, she always says,
'Let's cut corners where we can.'
Those words have always been a support for me somewhere.

To the unconfident me, collaborators appeared.
They are partners in raising children together. The bond of marriage.
Understanding the parts I can't do,working hard at not working hardis what my mother-in-law teaches me to do.

The existence that completely wraps up the guilt I feel,
that kind of presence was right here.

How to face guilt. It is to accept yourself along with the guilt☘️

However, because their dad is dry, the children's feelings inevitably lean toward me.
That might be why they feel 'left behind' when I try to go out.

When they are in a good mood, they smile and say 'See you later,' but
there are, of course, days when they cry and try to stop me.
'What time will you be back?' 'Come home early!'
Every time I hear those voices, my chest aches.
Every time that happens,
I end up thinking, 'Am I making them feel lonely?'

But I believe that feeling is surely
proof that I truly cherish my children from the bottom of my heart.
That is precisely why I struggle.
Swaying between 'the me who loves my children' and 'the me who wants to reclaim myself'.

The reason I feel guilt is
because I truly have love as a mother.
Because my feelings for my family are strong.

So, I don't intend to force myself to let it go anymore.
Rather, while accepting those feelings themselves,
I want to change 'I'm sorry' into 'Thank you'.

For example, after spending time alone and coming home,
there are moments when I look at my children's faces and can naturally be kinder.
In those moments, I suddenly realize, 'I really needed this time.'

'Mom! What did you do today?'
'Were you able to shop at a leisurely pace?'
Now, my children are also very curious about my time alone!

If I can cherish both 'the mother I am' and 'myself',
I'm sure my family will be able to smile peacefully like this more often.

While making friends with my guilt,
I will continue to have these little moments of 'my time' from now on.
Precisely because I want to cherish my family,
I also want to make sure my own heart is properly fulfilled.

This is the answer I have arrived at.

☘️What kind of 'my time' would you like to cultivate?