Ask questions instead of stating the obvious. Thoughts on student guidance I had while bathing with my daughter.

Hello everyone, this is Math Megane.

This may be sudden, but I have two daughters.

I have only written articles about class-related content until now, so you might wonder what has come over me, but because an impressive event occurred, I am going to write about it in this article.

The other day, a colleague of mine came to visit my house with their child.

That child is the same age as my older daughter, and they had played together several times before.

However, since it had been quite a long time since they last came over to play, they seemed excited from the morning of that day.

As soon as they arrived, they changed into their swimsuits and started playing happily together in the pool in the garden.

Watching the heartwarming scene of them playing peacefully the whole time, my colleague and I were also having a lively conversation about work and private matters.

After about an hour, the two announced, "We're getting out of the pool now!", so they changed clothes and started playing inside the room instead.

They were playing peacefully at first, but my daughter called out to her friend, "Let's go play in the room upstairs!"

Then, the child said, "I want to play with toys here~," but she was pressured by my daughter and went upstairs.

My colleague and I sent them upstairs without any particular worries and continued our conversation.

That was when the incident happened.

A while later, my colleague's child came down from upstairs, walked over to us without saying anything, and said one thing.

"I'm going home now."

My colleague and I were filled with confusion.

After that, my daughter also came down, and we tried to ask about the situation, but she couldn't explain it well to us, and since the other child also wanted to go home, they decided to leave for the day.

Even after her friend left, I tried to ask her about it, but she couldn't really talk, and in the end, the truth remained unknown until night, when it was time for a bath.

While my daughter had already calmed down, I tried asking her again while we were in the bath, having some idle chatter.

"By the way, why did things turn out like that today?"

Then, my daughter said one thing.

“I was treated meanly.”

“I see, what did they do?”

“They said, ‘Hey!’”

“Why did they say ‘Hey!’?”

As I listened to the story, it seemed that my daughter was unhappy about something and threw something.

I think the other child probably said “Hey!” with the intention of warning her.

She was unhappy about that, which was the issue.

When my daughter gets emotional, she sometimes throws things or hits before using words, and it seems this trouble was caused by that.

Hearing that, I wanted to say, “It’s wrong to throw things, isn’t it?” but I stopped for a moment, thought carefully, and decided to change how I asked.

However, I suddenly paused, thought it over, and decided to try changing how I asked questions.

“Why did you do that?”
“How were you feeling at that time?”
“Why do you think the other person said ‘Hey!’?”
“Why do you think it’s wrong to throw things?”

I asked her one by one like that.

And I felt a lot from seeing my daughter’s honest attitude as she tried her best to answer each question.

Especially when she first answered “Why do you think it’s wrong to throw things?” with “Because the other person might get hurt.” it made me think, “She does understand...”

Of course, there are many other reasons, and many things that must be valued.

However, as she answered my questions so earnestly, it looked like she was reflecting on her own actions.

And while watching that, I suddenly thought,

“Isn’t this the same for student guidance?”

Trouble between students happens at school, too.

At such times, from the perspective of those around them,

“It’s understandable that you were scolded for that.”
“Isn’t there a reason for it on your part too?”

Even in situations where one might think that, within the person themselves,

“○○ said this to me.”
“I was the only one who got scolded.”
“I had something mean done to me.”

there are times when that is their perception.

My daughter in this instance was exactly like that.

Rather than the fact that she threw something, the fact that the other person said “Hey!” remained more strongly with her, and she had interpreted it as “being treated meanly.”

Of course, that does not mean that throwing things is acceptable.

Convey that what is wrong is wrong.
What needs to be guided should be guided properly.

I believe that is absolutely necessary.

However, by just conveying that “correctness” one-sidedly,can that child really reflect on their own behavior?

From the teacher,

“That is your fault.”
“You shouldn’t do things like that.”
“You have to apologize first.”

the obvious truth was conveyed.

As a teacher, you might think “I provided proper guidance.”

But, if what remained in the student was only,

“I was scolded.”
“I was the only one made out to be the bad guy.”
“No one understood how I felt.”

then,

in that case, it might not be a reflection on their own behavior in the true sense.

That is why, even in student guidance, I focus not only on “what they did” but also on

"Why did you do that?"
"How were you feeling at that time?"
"How do you think the other person felt?"
"So, what do you think about your own actions?"

By asking these questions, I prioritize trying to understand the perspective the child was seeing first.

Looking back, I realized I didn't just jump in and ask, "What did you do wrong?"

I first listened to what my daughter was feeling and how she saw things at that moment, and from there, I gradually shifted the questions toward the other person's perspective and her own actions.

Of course, listening to what the person has to say is different from condoning their actions.

I believe this is a very important distinction.

"So that's how you felt." is one thing, but "In that case, it's understandable that you did that." is something entirely different.

After acknowledging the child's own reasons and emotions, I ask, "But what do you think about that action?".

Only by doing this can they begin to look back at their own actions from a slightly detached perspective.

And finally, I ask, "So, what should you have done instead?" so that the person can think about it themselves.

Instead of the teacher forcing them to agree with a logical argument, the student themselves becomes aware of their own actions.

Come to think of it, this is similar to what I value in my regular classes.

Rather than the teacher explaining everything, I pose questions and have the students think for themselves.

Perhaps student guidance is the same.

The word "guidance" often makes us think of "teaching what is correct."

But what is truly important might be "enabling them to reflect on their own actions by themselves."

Through this interaction with my daughter, I was reminded of what I value in my daily student guidance.

Conveying what is correct.

Of course, that is also important.

But what is even more important might be guiding the person so they can reach the answer themselves, rather than the person providing the guidance giving them the answer.

Come to think of it, this might be the same for lessons, student guidance, and even parenting.

From a conversation with my daughter in the bath, I feel like I was reminded of one thing I want to cherish as a teacher.

Parenting and education.

They are not exactly the same, but they are connected somewhere.

It was a day that made me think about such things.

In this note, I will mainly share:
・Teaching materials and lesson plans that can be used as-is in class
・Problems that foster thinking skills
・Actual classroom practices and tips for guidance
I want to deliver teaching materials that are practical and from a field-oriented perspective, so that even when you are busy, you can think, 'I can use this.'