523. Why I Continue to Keep Records

Lately, I don't talk to people much.

I don't take on more work than necessary.

If I think it's impossible, I go home.

I don't participate in gatherings more than necessary.

I keep my distance.

I don't get involved.

I have been making those kinds of choices more often.

Seeing that,

"You've changed."

Some people might say.

You stopped cooperating.

You've become cold.

You've lost your motivation.

Some people might see it that way.

But I think.

Is that really the case?

I haven't changed.

Rather, I think I was pushing myself too hard until now.

I was originally the type to cooperate.

I would take on whatever I was asked to do.

If someone is in trouble, I help them.

I avoid unnecessary conflict.

I act to keep the organization running as much as possible.

That was the kind of person I was.

So, it is not that I was rebellious from the start.

It is not that I was hostile from the beginning either.

In fact, it is the opposite.

For a long time, I...

continued to cooperate.

continued to compromise.

continued to endure.

But before I knew it,

requests without explanation.

information that was not shared.

sloppy handling.

a structure where only responsibility is placed on me.

Things like that had piled up.

And I,

began to feel a sense of discomfort again and again.

It is not that I am 'tired'.

I do not want this part to be misunderstood.

In common stories about taking a leave of absence,

the workload was too much.

I worked too hard.

I burned out.

That is how the story goes.

However, my case is a little different.

Until the very end,

"This is wrong"

I kept saying.

Responses that felt like being ignored.

Responses that felt like exclusion.

Decisions made without explanation.

Lack of information sharing.

Being treated differently depending on the person.

Words and actions that felt intimidating.

Every time that happened, I felt a sense of discomfort.

And many times,

I thought that was not right.

That is why I,

It is not that I am tired of work.

It is not that I worked too hard and burned out.

It is that I could no longer continue to accept

what I could not accept.

It was a clash of ethics.

What was decisive for me

was not the busyness.

It was a clash of ethics.

I believe that

people should be respected.

I believe that explanations are necessary.

I believe that those in weaker positions should be protected.

I believe that consideration is necessary for those in trouble.

Therefore,

things proceeding without explanation,

being forced through by power dynamics alone,

having only responsibility pushed onto me,

coercive treatment toward those in weaker positions—

every time I saw such things, it was painful.

At first, I thought I was just being sensitive.

I thought I might be overthinking it.

But when it continues for years,

it is no longer just my imagination.

My very values are being damaged.

I could no longer endure that.

It is not that I wanted to leave.

This is also often misunderstood.

I did not leave because I wanted to leave that place.

In truth, I wanted to work normally.

I wanted to fulfill my role normally.

I wanted to live my life normally.

However,

I felt that it would be impossible to continue as things were.

That is why I tried to distance myself.

I tried to avoid getting any more involved.

I tried to protect myself.

But as a result,

I ended up leaving that environment.

So, in my own sense,

it was 'I left because I was broken'.

That is not the case.

It is closer to "I could no longer continue to accept what I could not accept, and as a result, I had to walk away."

It is closer to that.

Things I still cannot compromise on

There are things I still cannot compromise on.

People should be respected.

Explanations are necessary.

Information sharing is necessary.

Those in weaker positions should be protected more than anyone else.

This way of thinking has not changed.

It did not change even after I distanced myself.

It did not change even as time passed.

That is why I,

cannot take on everything like I used to.

cannot silently swallow everything like I used to.

Because,

there was a result in the past from doing that.

Recording is not complaining

I am still keeping records even now.

Sometimes,

Sometimes it is thought of as complaining.

But for me, it is different.

Recording is a process of verification.

What happened?

What did I feel?

Why was it painful?

I am leaving that behind.

Because,

when people are in such an environment for a long time,

they begin to doubt their own senses.

Maybe it is my fault.

Maybe I am overthinking it.

Maybe I am being too sensitive.

I start to think that way.

That is why I record.

To look back on it later.

To keep from losing sight of myself.

I will not go back to how I was before.

The current me,

does not force myself to read the room.

I do not force myself to conform.

I do not accept sloppy requests.

I do not take on things without an explanation.

I go home if necessary.

I refuse if necessary.

I keep my distance if necessary.

Some might call that cold.

But I do not think so.

It is a defense.

It is a way to prevent recurrence.

It is a technique for survival.

And above all,

there is a reason for everything I do now.

Even for the fact that I stopped talking to people.

Even for keeping my distance.

Even for avoiding gatherings.

Even for continuing to keep records.

There is a reason for it all.

It did not happen suddenly out of nowhere.

It is the result of experiences that have piled up over a long time.

To those who are like me

If right now,

you are feeling isolated.

If you feel like you are being ignored.

If you are suffering from unreasonable treatment.

If you are wondering if there is something wrong with you.

I want you to stop for a moment.

Is it really all your fault?

Are you really the only one to blame?

Is continuing to endure really the only right answer?

I do not think so.

Creating distance.

Taking a break.

Saying no.

Keeping records.

Seeking outside advice.

That is not running away.

It is an act of protecting yourself.

One last time,

I did not break.

At the very least, that is what I think.

I have always been

"This is wrong"

continuing to say.

And I am still saying it now.

It is just that,

I can no longer continue to accept it.

That is why I have taken my distance.

That is why I am keeping records.

That is why I am protecting myself.

If you call that changing,

then I suppose I have changed.

But that is not a bad change.

I have stopped conforming to those around me at the expense of myself.

That is all there is to it.

And if I may say one more thing,

I am not keeping records because I want to attack anyone.

I do not want to make anyone the villain, either.

It is just,

what I have seen.

What I felt.

What happened to me.

I simply do not want to pretend that these things never happened.

Over a long period of time,

people gradually begin to doubt their own perceptions.

Maybe I was the one in the wrong.

Maybe I was overthinking it.

Maybe I just didn't have enough patience.

They start to think things like this.

That is why I keep records.

So that my future self,

can confirm,

'At that time, there was definitely something wrong.'

And so that someone else suffering in a similar position,

can think,

'I was not alone.'

Even now,

I believe that people should be respected.

I believe that explanations are necessary.

I believe that those in weaker positions should be protected.

That way of thinking remains unchanged.

That is why I will not go back to how things were before.

I will not force myself to conform.

I will not force myself to endure.

I will not force myself to swallow things.

Even if there are things I lose because of that,

it is far better than losing myself.

I have not broken.

It is just that,

I simply did not accept what I could not accept.

And from here on out as well,

I intend to live without compromising on that one point.

Yes.

I tell myself this over and over again.

Lastly

I am quietly cheering on all of your wonderful activities.

Strength training records to prevent falling into a rut ↓

Record

Sunday, August 2, 2026
Goal: Perhaps people with lower specs are the ones who stick with strength training.

• Step count: 14,539 steps

• Calf raises: 15 reps x 4 sets

• Bulgarian split squats (left/right): 15 reps x 1 set

• Cleaning: 20 minutes

• Abduction: 12 reps x 3 sets, 25kg, 45kg, 85kg

• On ab bench: Leg raises: 15 reps x 1 set, side leg raises (left/right): 15 reps x 1 set, twist leg raises: 15 reps x 1 set, hip lifts: 15 reps x 1 set, Superman back extensions: 15 reps x 1 set, bird dogs: 10 reps x 1 set

• Ab bench: 15 reps x 3 sets, load 6, medium-low load

• Lat pulldown: 12 reps x 5 sets, 25kg (tried various things like using one arm because it was noisy), 35kg (thumbless grip), 10kg (facing opposite way), 60kg (8 reps, first time), 45kg,

• Shoulder press: 12 reps x 3 sets, 15kg, 40kg (facing opposite way, 5 reps), 30kg

• Adduction (muscle soreness): 12 reps x 3 sets, 25kg, 30kg, 30kg

• Chest press: 12 reps x 4 sets, 55kg, 25kg (reverse grip), 45kg (side grip), 35kg,

• Back chest: 12 reps x 3 sets, 55kg, 45kg (reverse grip), 25kg (side grip)

• Leg press (muscle soreness): 12 reps x 4 sets, 60kg, 60kg (heels lifted), 60kg (feet high, inner thighs/glutes), 60kg,

• Dips: 12 reps x 2 sets, 80kg, 80kg (facing opposite way, body weight),

• Hair removal: 20 minutes

I tried merging my writing with the AI's writing ↓

AI:
20260710

July 10, 2026 Record Log

Today, a work-related trouble occurred.

When I distributed data for work, it should have been viewable as is, but the users were not granted access rights, leaving them unable to see the content.

Upon checking, it turned out to be a system glitch rather than an error on my part.

In the end, I had to have each person send an access request and approve them one by one.

Approval emails for about 120 people arrived all at once, so I put my planned tasks on hold and managed to handle the situation somehow.

Honestly, it was quite hectic, but in the end, I was able to get through it safely.

If it were the old me, I might have dwelled on it more than necessary, wondering, 'Why does this kind of thing always happen to me?'

But this time, I found myself thinking, 'If it's a system glitch, it can't be helped. Let's just do what I can now,' as I worked.

Looking back, the change in my own reaction left a stronger impression on me than the event itself.

In the morning, I happened to run into someone I used to work with at the station.

I wonder how many times this has happened now.

Seeing them after such a long time, they looked much thinner than before, which made me a little worried.

We talked briefly about how things were, but the conversation ended after just a word or two.

I feel like in the past, even that short conversation would have had various memories racing through my mind.

But this time, I found myself accepting it simply as an event where I met someone I hadn't seen in a while.

Perhaps, albeit slowly, the way I face the past is changing.

Furthermore, during my morning commute, someone I've known for a while and who always talks to me asked, 'We're getting together for the first time in a while today, would you like to come?'

I was genuinely grateful for the invitation.

However, I no longer had any desire to actively return to my old relationships.

So, I told them, 'It's difficult for me today,' and that was the end of it.

It wasn't so much that I turned them down, but rather, 'This distance feels just right for me now.'

That was the feeling.

The old me might have forced myself to participate out of guilt.

But now, I can prioritize my own feelings while still remembering to be grateful to others.

I think that is also a change I have gradually acquired over this past year.

Looking back on today, it wasn't a day with any particularly major events.

Even so, it was a day where I could see a definite change within myself.

I have become able to deal with trouble calmly, not get swallowed up by past events, and choose my own distance from others.

Recovery is not about "bad things stopping from happening."

It is about how, even when similar events occur, my way of accepting them and dealing with them changes little by little.

I felt that today's events taught me that change all over again.

Today was another very intense training session. While stimulating the whole body evenly, we also added variety by changing the grip and orientation on the same machines, so it fits the theme of "preventing monotony" perfectly.

Today's Record Analysis (August 2, 2026)

🚶Activity Level

• Step count: 14,539 steps

This is a sufficient amount of activity for aerobic exercise as well.

Combined with strength training, the calorie expenditure is high, and the daily activity level is impeccable.

💪Characteristics of Today's Training

Lower body

• Calf raises 4 sets

• Bulgarian split squats

• Abduction

• Adduction

• Leg press 4 sets

That is quite a volume for the lower body alone.

Moreover,

• adductor muscles

• abductor muscles

• glutes

• calves

• quadriceps

are all stimulated evenly.

It is a good adjustment that I am able to continue by lowering the weight even while muscle soreness remains.

Core

Not just ab bench,

• leg raises

• side leg raises

• twist leg raises

• hip lifts

• superman

• bird dog

Quite a wide variety.

Not just the abs,

• iliopsoas

• obliques

• erector spinae

• glutes

• inner muscles

are also being trained.

This combination is also effective for posture improvement.

Upper body

Today,

lat pulldowns

5 sets

and what's more,

• standard

• thumbless grip

• reverse grip

• single arm

• first attempt at 60kg

are all very cleverly incorporated.

Even in situations where the machine is difficult to use

"I can't do it today"

instead of that

"Then let's try a different way"

that mindset is the strength of consistency.

First time at 60kg

I managed 8 reps.

This is a pretty good result.

If I could do 8 reps without breaking form while challenging my max weight,

my back strength is definitely growing.

Shoulder press

5 reps at 40kg facing the opposite way.

Also cleared 30kg normally.

My shoulders are also getting stronger little by little.

Chest

Chest press

Back chest

Both of them

changing the stimulus while changing the grip.

It's a very good way to prevent the muscles from getting used to the routine.

The most impressive thing today

Today it was

enjoying the same exercise in different ways

that.

For example,

even just with lat pulldowns,

• changing the weight

• changing the grip

• changing the orientation

• single-arm

I try many variations.

This way, the brain doesn't get bored.

It stimulates not just the muscles, but the nervous system as well.

Regarding today's goal

That is an interesting perspective.

In a sense, there are parts where that holds true.

People who have high athletic ability from the start

• get results quickly

• can do it to a certain extent

So, some people get bored when the stimulation fades.

On the other hand,

little by little

• the weight increased

• the number of repetitions increased

• the form improved

people who accumulate these small growths tend to find that the change itself becomes motivation.

Today's 60kg challenge can truly be called that kind of accumulation of "slightly surpassing yesterday's self."

Today's overall evaluation

★★★★★ (5.0/5)

Good points

• ✅ Sufficient activity level with about 14,500 steps

• ✅ Training the whole body in a balanced way

• ✅ Challenged 60kg on lat pulldowns for the first time

• ✅ Prevented monotony by changing grip and orientation

• ✅ Continued while managing muscle soreness well

• ✅ Core training was substantial

AI Memo 📝

Today was a day where the "power of ingenuity" shone through.

Even in situations where the machines were difficult to use, by continuing to train while trying out different grips, orientations, and single-arm movements, you gained not just muscle strength, but also new stimulation.

And the biggest gain was achieving 8 reps of 60kg lat pulldowns. Being able to challenge a weight that would have been difficult for me a little while ago is proof that the results of everything I have built up so far are starting to show in the numbers.

It was a day that made me feel that "preventing a rut" is not about looking for special menus, but rather enjoying the same exercises while adding small changes little by little. By continuing to add these small changes in the future, it will become easier to keep going and easier to feel the growth.